A Persimmon Upside-Down Cake?

Only the Most Important News

Yoko Ono has apologized to Paul McCartney for insinuating that his songs are trite. Most of us don't care what Yoko insinuates -- as long as she do it in song.
- For those who've never heard Yoko sing, try to imagine if bagpipes were human...

Super Saturday

Saturday is National Young Readers Day, a time to remind Americans of the joys and importance of reading to children.

Love & Learn

A Great Time to Quit Smoking - So many government agencies and others are trying to help. There's even a quitline to help you find local support.

Thoughts While Shaving

Instead of building millionaires a new stadium for their football team, why couldn't the city fill in a few potholes?

Only Blog with Fruit Buying Tips:

Today's fruit buying tip. Your best fruit value in November is persimmons. And a persimmon upside-down cake will last longer than a pineapple upside-down cake. Because nobody will eat it.

Home Depot for Best Toilet Seat Glue?

Big News

Scooter Libby pleaded not guilty Thursday in the CIA leak scandal, the first step in a long battle to get Dick Cheney, Carl Rove, and possibly even President Bush under oath. And then, of course, do what every Democrat dreams of -- ask them about their sex lives.

A second judge, this time a Republican, was ousted Thursday in the Tom DeLay case. No judge will want to hear this case. Reportedly, Texas governor Rick Perry is checking with evangelicals to see if he can appoint Harriet Miers.

When it comes to bird flu vaccinations, you have to admire the President's honesty. He said if he could, he'd stick it to every American.

Home Depot was sued by a Colorado shopper who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with glue. Unfortunately, then the guy was arrested for allegedly trying to shoplift a toilet seat in his pants.

Honeymoon Day

Friday is Honeymoon Day, a day to celebrate honeymoon memories, always on the birthday of actor Art Carney, who won six Emmys for his work on "The Honeymooners" TV series.

Fun History

King Tut's 3,000-year-old tomb was discovered on November 4, 1922. And sure enough, Old Tut was still dead.
- His royal robes were all wrinkled, indicating he may have rolled over a lot.

The great racehorse Man O' War was buried in Lexington, Kentucky, on this day in 1947. Fortunately, he was already dead.- Over 2,500 people attended Man O' War's funeral. The pall bearers were Flicka, Black Beauty, and Trigger.
- Mr. Ed delivered the eulogy.

Love & Learn

Stress Management: Eight Tips for Busy Moms - Mothers are some of the busiest people on the planet. With an almost frantic pace, increased stress levels can be a natural result. These tips can help.

Thoughts While Shaving

I have no answers, and I thoroughly enjoy bashing others who don't either.

Life is full of wonders. My mind is constantly fascinated by some of the things my mouth comes up with.

The Guiding Laser

Big News

Plans released Wednesday revealed the U.S. could restrict travel to prevent bird flu. This means, if you've got a turkey flying in for Thanksgiving, better tell him to come on now!
- All birds must pay full fare. And any chicken that sneezes is off the plane!

Maybe you heard. The CIA has a hidden al-Qaida prison in eastern Europe. Apparently, the CIA is keeping the prison secret to keep the Red Cross from bringing doughnuts.
- It's the CIA's way of joining the war against obesity.

Outsiders will get their first peek at the National Zoo's baby giant panda starting next week. But they'll need tickets. So outside the zoo scalpers are already pitching tents.
- It could be the hottest ticket since Tom DeLay hugged the Exxon-Mobil monkey.

Thrilling Thursday

Thursday is National Housewives Day and National Men Make Dinner Day.
- Housewives Day is always on the birthday of comic Roseanne Barr, who should be in the Housewife Hall of Fame.
- Roseanne turns 52 today. She's one of the few personalities who could succeed again in both prime-time television ... and SmackDown.

Fun History

Sharpshooter Annie Oakley died on November 3rd in 1926. Annie's most amazing trick was to stand on one side of a lake, ricochet a rifle shot off the water, and hit a bulls-eye on the other side. The hardest part was making the bull stand still.

Laugh and Learn

Around the House - The lighter side of homes and housekeeping. Another family fun file.

Today's soap opera update

On "The Guiding Laser" Margo tells Snapper that "trying a little tenderness" does not mean sprinkling her with monosodium glutamate!

A note from the Blog Bulletin Board:

The Fort Worth Hyperactive Society will meet next week on Monday, Tuesday, twice on Wednesday, and five times on Friday.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not fen-Phen

Big News

HaBlog has learned that tacked onto President Bush's $7.1 billion plan to combat bird flu is a special Thanksgiving pardon to a turkey named Scooter.
- Who's not feeling that well these days...

A presidential panel on Tuesday recommended rewriting virtually every tax law for individuals and businesses. Put simply, it means regular people would pay more, Republicans less.
- Congress likes it already.

The Federal Reserve, still concerned about inflation, raised a key interest rate another quarter point on Tuesday. This means anyone with at least three million dollars in savings can still afford to drive an SUV...
...to Canada to buy prescription drugs.

Wonderous Wednesday

Wednesday is Deviled Egg Day and Piggy Bank Day, a good day to take your lunch to work and save.

On November 2nd in 1734, Daniel Boone was born. If you've never seen a picture of him with that coonskin hat, just imagine Pat Sajak with a pony tail.

The Louisiana Swine Festival is this week. Some people think pigs are the ugliest animals on earth, but these people seldom take the time to get to know a pig personally.
- Actually, a hippo is much uglier than a pig. Primarily because there's much more of a hippo to be ugly.

Management Love

Compliments that Reach the 'Heart' of Employees - When an employee brings a big project in on-time and on-budget you want to express your gratitude in a personal way that shows total understanding and appreciation. Here's how.

Did you ever wonder?

Did you ever wonder if the average terrorist eats a healthy breakfast?

If a cold nose is the sign of a healthy puppy, are cold feet the sign of a healthy wife?

Today's blog is brought to you by I Can’t Believe It’s Not fen-Phen, the new diet pill for people who can’t wait for that annoying FDA approval.
- I Can’t Believe It’s Not fen-Phen has never been tested on laboratory rats because, frankly, who’s ever seen a fat lab rat?

Toads Eyes Are How Much?

Big News

Democrats said President Bush's latest choice for the Supreme Court, Samuel Alito, is "too radical for the American people." "Shucks," said the President, "if Democrats hate the guy, I must've finally got it right."

Vice President Dick Cheney on Monday picked two guys to replace Scooter Libby. Obviously, in the coming months Cheney is expecting to need more obstruction and perjury than one assistant can handle.

Both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney heaped praise on Scooter Libby after he was indicted. It's like to get praise from the Bush administration, you have to get indicted.

Paramount Pictures is removing billboards promoting the upcoming 50 Cent film "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" after community activists complained they promoted guns. In a related story, 50 Cent is now the leading contender for president of the NRA.

Crazy Halloween

Tuesday is the day after Halloween, the day when children everywhere have candy for breakfast, and adults try to figure out what to do now with that stupid pumpkin.

My dog went out trick-or-treating and came back with 23 doggie treats and a French poodle.

What a crazy Halloween! There was a vampire on the corner with a sign that said, "Will neck for blood!"

Really crazy! A witch tried to sell me her broom. Said she was going out of business. Couldn't afford to brew magic potions anymore, what with the skyrocketing cost of toads' eyes.

Peanut Butter Season

November is Peanut Butter Lovers Month, time to celebrate North America's favorite sandwich, peanut butter and jelly. I'll believe that when Burger King starts turning out Peanut Butter Whoppers.

Family Love

Banana Split Brownies - Your family and friends will absolutely do flips over these very special brownies.

And finally,

I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.

Yea, Exxon-Mobil!

Big News

Two U.S. soldiers have been charged with assault for allegedly punching two detainees in the chest, shoulders and stomach at a military base in Afghanistan. The two will also be in line for medals since nobody was naked or on a leash.

It's Halloween, the last day of October. Oh well, another day another dollar. Or if you're Exxon-Mobil, another month another 3 billion.
- A few more hurricanes, Exxon-Mobil can buy Saudi Arabia.

The Muhammad Ali Center opens in Louisville Nov. 21, chronicling the life of "The Greatest" inside and outside the ring. It's the biggest thing to happen in Louisville since Colonel Sanders introduced Hot Wings with Mint Julip Dipping Sauce at the Kentucky Derby.

Marvelous Monday

Monday is Halloween and Bring Your Jack-O-Lantern to Work Day.

Halloween was originally the Celtic New Year when the Duids dressed up in old clothes and went from cemetery to cemetery cleaning graves. How it evolved into an excuse for selling junk candy and Darth Vader costumes can only be explained as either insanity or "free enterprise."

Halloween Fun-Liners

Our blog historian, Dusty Tombs, reports that black and orange were chosen as the official Halloween colors because puce and tangerine were already taken.

Love & Learn

Running for Beginners: Running Tips A to Z - Follow these, and you'll be a wiser runner!

Thoughts While Searching

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.