Should Congressmen Have Bar Codes?

Big News

President Bush said Thursday Democrats are soft on terrorists. He didn't say which Democrats are soft on terrorists, the Democrats fighting in Iraq or the ones fighting in Afghanistan.
- I don't know about soft on terrorists, but come Tuesday we'll see how hard the Democrats are on Republicans.

Personally, I think all the newly elected congressmen should have bar codes -- to make them easier to buy and sell.

November 3 Now & Then

Today is Roseanne's birthday. If you'd like to have something sent to her, she's registered at Domino's.

Sharpshooter Annie Oakley died on this day in 1926. Annie's most amazing trick was to stand on one side of a lake, ricochet a rifle shot off the water, and hit a bulls-eye on the other side. The hardest part was making the bull stand still.

Stephen F. Austin, the Father of Texas, was born in Virginia on this date in 1793. Strange thing about Texans: none of them were born in Texas. It's like that great Texas cheerleader magnate Jerry Jones once said, "I came to Texas to pick my litter, but I sure as shucks went back to Arkansas to be born.

On this day in 1957 the Soviet Union launched the first dog into outer space. When they asked the dog how the flight was, he said, "Ruff!"

Love & Learn

Money and You - What's the cost of your 401(k)? Hint: not free.

DVD Select - Newest, best and worst available on DVD, including Mission Impossible III, Keeping Up With the Steins, The Tarzan Collection, Vol. 2, Ghost Whisperer Season 1, and more.

Aging Lifestyles - Impending death: the dreaded talk for grandparents

Today's Feminist Proverb:

Don't criticize me until you've walked a mile in my pumps.

Shallow Thought

It's hard to turn your life around if you have no idea which way you're going.

Where the Educated Get Stuck

Big News

John Kerry apologized Wednesday for joking about the uneducated getting stuck in Iraq. He should be ashamed. Everybody knows the uneducated get stuck on talk radio.

Rumors are flying that President Bush now actually has a plan for Iraq -- assuming Madonna agrees to adopt the whole country.

November 2nd Now & Then

The Louisiana Swine Festival is this week. Some people think pigs are the ugliest animals on earth, but these people seldom take the time to get to know a pig personally.
- Actually, a hippo is much uglier than a pig. Primarily because there's much more of a hippo to be ugly.

On this day in 1734 Daniel Boone was born. If you've never seen a picture of him with that coonskin hat, just imagine Pat Sajak with a pony tail.

In Daniel Boone's day, teenagers didn't wear their coonskin caps backwards, or they could swallow the tail while singing "The National Anthem."

Warren Harding was born on this date in 1865. He was the only U.S. president who chewed tobacco and played the trombone. At the same time.
- Which probably explains why he never got a job in an orchestra.

Love & Learn

Inside People: Youth Ethics - To be perfectly honest, our children aren't.

Autoword - Honda’s Element is an intentional quirk of automotive design. Owners find it so ugly that it's cute. The new Element SC adds 10 features not found on the older models.

Editorial: Bush Nullification - Congress can pass any law it wants, but ultimately the law is what George W. Bush says it is.

Tim Herd's Wildlife Viewfinder Guide - Wildlife observation in the right place at the right time.

Shallow Thoughts

Autumn can be really fun if you have two things: a neighbor you don't like and a leaf blower.

Our high school football team wasn't real aggressive. Our school fight song was "Honeysuckle Rose."

Hips on today's blog were colored with the exciting new nutrient hipstick, Ultimama! Don't just color your hips, nourish them!

Grand Old Headless Chickens

Big News

CIA expert Ron Suskind accuses Washington of "running like a headless chicken" in its war against al-Qaida. I've never seen a headless chicken run -- I've seen 'em flip-flop.
- But, hey, you can't expect a headless chicken to stay the course.

Bob Barker announces he will retire next June after 150 years on television. Until a suitable replacement emerges, the National Neutering Association will be in mourning.
- Everybody likes Bob Barker. Madonna would like to adopt him -- if he has his shots and is heart-worm free.

November 1st Now & Then

Today is All Saints’ Day, the day we honor people who would give us their last dollar. On Election Day we elect people who would take our last dollar.

The annual Wurstfest begins this week in New Braunfels, Texas. It's the best wurstfest in Texas. The worst wurstfest in Texas gave up and switched to chili.
- What Thanksgiving is to turkeys, the Wurstfest is to pigs.

November is Aviation History Month, emphasizing the history of the airplane; and Good Nutrition Month, emphasizing never eating on one.

Notre Dame upset Army and revolutionized football on this day in 1913. Quarterback Gus Dorais introduced the forward pass and completed 17 of 25 to receiver Knute Rockne. It was the most exciting day in football since the invention of cheerleaders.

Love & Learn

Today's Lifestyle: Education - There's just too much homework. Some of it, parents say, seems pointless and all of it eats into time families want to have together.

To Be Equal - Buck O'Neil helped break baseball's color barrier in his own way.

TV Closeup - America Ferrara plays Betty Suarez, a plain, openhearted girl from Queens who works for the publisher of a New York fashion magazine, in the TV comedy “Ugly Betty.”

Inside People: Youth Ethics - To be perfectly honest, our children aren't.

Shallow Thoughts

Something I don't understand. Why can't leaves fly south, too?- At least we don't have to rake all those birds.

I don't want to knock the (Redskins) defense, but these guys couldn't stop the Salvation Army band from marching up and down the field.

What a crazy Halloween! There was a vampire on the corner with a sign that said, "Will neck for blood!"

HaBlog Has No Trans Fat!

Big News

KFC said Monday it will start using zero trans fat soybean oil for its Original Recipe and Extra Crispy fried chicken. Almost immediately, a million chicken march on Louisville was planned to protest having to drink that stuff.
- Apparently, Kentucky chickens sometimes get confused about what they hear on the radio.

Goodyear Tire & Rubber Company said on Monday that it plans to close a plant in Tyler, Texas. They blamed the rising cost of blimp fuel.

On Halloween we put our pumpkin heads in the window, and a week later we'll put 'em in Congress.

October 31st Now & Then

Today is Halloween, originally the Celtic New Year when the Druids dressed up in old clothes and went from cemetery to cemetery cleaning graves. How it evolved into an excuse for selling junk candy and pirate costumes can only be explained as either insanity or "free enterprise."

Halloween Fun-Liners

Halloween began on this very day back in ancient Gaul, whenever that was.
- On November 1st the Druids honored Samhain, the god of the dead. So the night before, they'd always sweep out the tombs, so the tombs would be clean for the party.
-But first, they carved an ugly face into a giant turnip and stuck a torch inside. This not only supplied light for the tomb sweeping, but it also would scare the shrouds off of any ghosts that might wake up.
- To the Druids, tomb sweeping was serious business, but to Christian kids, it looked like fun. So when the Christians ran the Druids out of Gaul, they had the gall to turn tomb sweeping into trick-or-treating, which was even more fun and not nearly as dusty.

One of the old pagan games that's still popular with modern pagans on Halloween is dunking for apples. All you do is, fill a big tub with water, toss in some apples, and have the kids try to catch the apples with their teeth. Since this is impossible for a kid in a Mark Foley mask, it's a great way to have fun and shampoo the carpet.

Love & Learn

Holiday Movie Preview - Holiday movie fare will deck the multiplexes with many of the year's most award-worthy releases.

Financial Update - New Windows software puts parents in control of computer use.Film Closeup - Famed director and actor Clint Eastwood has just finished two films, “Flags of our Fathers” and “Letters from Iwo Jima.”

Project of the Week: Santa Display - With ten big, full-color figures--Santa Claus, the sleigh and eight reindeer--the display is a fun and easy way to spread some cheer around the neighborhood.

Shallow Thoughts

I love Halloween because Halloween offically marks the end of the dieting season.

The most popular costume this year is dressing up like Frankenstein and pretending to be Dick Cheney.

The best part of Halloween is trying to decide whose face is lit up more, the jack-o-lantern's or your kid's.

We Finally Agree!

Big News

President Bush says Democrats have no idea how to win in Iraq. That's what Democrats have been saying about Republicans for years.
- So at least they agree on something -- nobody knows how to win in Iraq.
- In just over a week we'll see which group knows how to win here.

October 30th Now & Then

Today is Halloween Eve, a great night to visit a haunted house. That's where millions of teenagers pay good money to have somebody scare off their nose rings.
- Actually, the scariest thing about most haunted houses is the 12-year-old girls screaming.

On this day in 1976 Heather Ann Phyllis, the first woman Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer, resigned to get married. The Mounties' motto is "We always get our man." So when Heather got hers, she quit.

The Louisiana Swine Festival is this week in Basile, Louisiana. The idea is to sell pigs.- But the Louisiana Swine Association is an ethical group. Their motto is "We will sell no swine before its time."
- Pig jokes always bring out the wurst in me.
- That's why I stay completely away from the Miss Swine Pageant.

Actor Henry Winkler is 61 today. Aaaayyy, Fonzie is heading over the hill. It must be kind of sad, watching your ducktails turn gray, your widow’s peak unpeak, and your leather jacket get liver spots.

Love & Learn

Fitness Forum: Children & Vitamins - One day it's Halloween candies. The next it's Thanksgiving feasts and holiday pastries, a continuous trickle of treats. It is enough to throw a real scare into nutritional watchdogs who have children's best interests at heart.

Video Game Reviews - Handheld "NHL 07" a cool teammate to PS2 version. "Mech Assault: Phantom War" blasts its way onto the Nintendo DS.

Harvest Home Craft - If you enjoy decorative painting, you know there's nothing more satisfying than creating something beautiful using a simple everyday object.

'Tween 12 and 20 - Move in with your best friend -- fast! .. Violent boyfriend needs to be dumped .. Majority of teens are virgins .. Staying behind to graduate can be positive .. Steroids not on the same playing field as vitamins .. Dating younger boy is okay .. Gangs give false sense of acceptance .. Try not to lose friend due to flirting ..

Shallow Thoughts

Halloween is when kids dress like monsters. When they behave like monsters, that's a rock concert.

Ah Halloween, the official beginning of the holiday indigestion season.

This is the time of year for jack-o-lanterns. You see those smiling, empty-headed faces everywhere: on porches ... on window sills ... on campaign posters...