Just One of Those Onces
Big News
Ex-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld denied any cover-up and rejected personal responsibility Wednesday for the military's bungled response to Army Ranger Pat Tillman's friendly-fire death in Afghanistan. It was really great to have Rummy denying stuff again. Didn't realize how much I had missed that.
- The guy is denial virtuoso.
- You know his business card says "Denial Guru."
- A real denunciation whiz.
- "And this year's Nobel Prize for Negation goes to ... Donald 'Fat Chance' Rumsfeld!"
Baghdad shook with bombings and political upheaval Wednesday as the largest Sunni Arab bloc quit the government and a suicide attacker blew up his fuel tanker. With the fuel loss, Exxon-Mobil says it has no choice but to raise oil and gasoline prices and start charging a rental fee for restroom keys.
Only 73 young Americans died in Iraq during July, so the surge must be working. Either that or the terrorists were on vacation.
- Hey, even suicide bomber trainees needs a break once in a while to go back to their cave and practice dying.
- And it could be this was one of those onces.
Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani on Tuesday announced an affordable national health plan that other Republicans may like. It's affordable as long as nobody gets sick.
- And everybody gets free aspirin and Viagra.
- If he'll toss in free Gas-X and a laxative I think he's got a winner.
Love & Learn
Plan B in Iraq - Almost from the day the United States invaded Iraq in 2003, many have felt and said it was a monstrous mistake. And finally, even Republicans are starting to think they messed up. This week, a large daily Republican newspaper presented "Plan B in Iraq," a proposed altering of the course.
John Travolta Closeup - The 53-year-old superstar is a riot in drag, playing the 300-pound mother of Tracy Turnblad, a girl in 1962 Baltimore who dreams of dancing on the "Corny Collins Show." It's a remake of "Hairspray."
The Day the TV Broke - Ever think what might happen at your house if there was suddenly no television? Writer Steve Goodier has some ideas -- and some intriguing questions?
My Kid Is Making Me Fat! - Baby's growing up, Dad's growing out. When parents start sampling baby food, it becomes a Weight Watchers' nightmare.
Preteens Are Pumping Iron, and Lovin' It - At most fitness clubs, 13 is the minimum age for using workout equipment. It's largely a safety issue, says Lisa Riehl of the Cameron YMCA. But kids' health was an even bigger issue to the Cameron staff.
Shallow Thoughts
You can tell it's August. The weather is red hot and the Rangers are ice cold.
The Rangers pulled off a big trade that's just what the team needs. They traded their pitchers for pall bearers.
The Rangers are God's punishment to people who spend Sunday at the ballpark instead of church.
Today's totally unnecessary social tip. When hosting a dinner party, don't bother mentioning whether or not the cat's litter box is dishwasher-safe.
You should have seen the Rangers playing in the rain. Two outfielders slipped and almost caught a fly ball.
What I like most about roller-coasters is being able to sit down after standing in line for two hours.
Having children to save your marriage is like shooting yourself in the foot to take your mind off your headache.
Y'all come back, now. Next time I'll tell you how to be the first on your block to get your very own personalized authentic blue and gray Civil War Whoopee Cushion.
Ex-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld denied any cover-up and rejected personal responsibility Wednesday for the military's bungled response to Army Ranger Pat Tillman's friendly-fire death in Afghanistan. It was really great to have Rummy denying stuff again. Didn't realize how much I had missed that.
- The guy is denial virtuoso.
- You know his business card says "Denial Guru."
- A real denunciation whiz.
- "And this year's Nobel Prize for Negation goes to ... Donald 'Fat Chance' Rumsfeld!"
Baghdad shook with bombings and political upheaval Wednesday as the largest Sunni Arab bloc quit the government and a suicide attacker blew up his fuel tanker. With the fuel loss, Exxon-Mobil says it has no choice but to raise oil and gasoline prices and start charging a rental fee for restroom keys.
Only 73 young Americans died in Iraq during July, so the surge must be working. Either that or the terrorists were on vacation.
- Hey, even suicide bomber trainees needs a break once in a while to go back to their cave and practice dying.
- And it could be this was one of those onces.
Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani on Tuesday announced an affordable national health plan that other Republicans may like. It's affordable as long as nobody gets sick.
- And everybody gets free aspirin and Viagra.
- If he'll toss in free Gas-X and a laxative I think he's got a winner.
Love & Learn
Plan B in Iraq - Almost from the day the United States invaded Iraq in 2003, many have felt and said it was a monstrous mistake. And finally, even Republicans are starting to think they messed up. This week, a large daily Republican newspaper presented "Plan B in Iraq," a proposed altering of the course.
John Travolta Closeup - The 53-year-old superstar is a riot in drag, playing the 300-pound mother of Tracy Turnblad, a girl in 1962 Baltimore who dreams of dancing on the "Corny Collins Show." It's a remake of "Hairspray."
The Day the TV Broke - Ever think what might happen at your house if there was suddenly no television? Writer Steve Goodier has some ideas -- and some intriguing questions?
My Kid Is Making Me Fat! - Baby's growing up, Dad's growing out. When parents start sampling baby food, it becomes a Weight Watchers' nightmare.
Preteens Are Pumping Iron, and Lovin' It - At most fitness clubs, 13 is the minimum age for using workout equipment. It's largely a safety issue, says Lisa Riehl of the Cameron YMCA. But kids' health was an even bigger issue to the Cameron staff.
Shallow Thoughts
You can tell it's August. The weather is red hot and the Rangers are ice cold.
The Rangers pulled off a big trade that's just what the team needs. They traded their pitchers for pall bearers.
The Rangers are God's punishment to people who spend Sunday at the ballpark instead of church.
Today's totally unnecessary social tip. When hosting a dinner party, don't bother mentioning whether or not the cat's litter box is dishwasher-safe.
You should have seen the Rangers playing in the rain. Two outfielders slipped and almost caught a fly ball.
What I like most about roller-coasters is being able to sit down after standing in line for two hours.
Having children to save your marriage is like shooting yourself in the foot to take your mind off your headache.
Y'all come back, now. Next time I'll tell you how to be the first on your block to get your very own personalized authentic blue and gray Civil War Whoopee Cushion.
posted by Joe Hickman at 6:45 PM
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