Bloomberg, Moore, and Sosa

Big News
Michael Boomberg has ditched the GOP to run for president as an independent. Bloomberg obviously doesn't understand the American democratic republic, based on the absolutely marvelous two-party political system that is the reason for government stability in this country. By now, without the stability of the two-party system with its loyal opposition, a president like George W. Bush, in any other country, would ether be exiled in Albania -- or America's first king!
- Independent my butt, Mr. Bloomberg, why would anybody vote for a guy who can't play the best political game in the world?
- Oh, he's worth how much? Thirty-eight billion dollars!!
- Okay, folks, let me introduce Mr. Michael Bloomberg -- the next king of the Unites States!

Michael Moore's movie "Sicko" opened this week. "Sicko?" -- Oh no, not another documentary about Dick Cheney!
- Cheney wants to attack Iran. And if he doesn't shut up about it, maybe we'll just load him and his shotgun and drop 'em over Tehran.

Sammy Sosa hit his 600th home run this week to join an elite group of sluggers. If he hits 600 more this season the Texas Rangers might not join an elite group of cellar-dwellers.

Love & Learn

A Gander at Geezers - The local newspaper has just hired a college student to do an occasional column on life as she sees it from the perspective of a 21-year-old. The other day, she zeroed in on baby boomers, deploring the fact that "people focus too much on trying to stay young."

Weekly Sports Trivia Quiz - Test your sports knowledge, not to mention your sports memory.

Films in Focus: New & Recent Releases - Quick reviews and trailers of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Nancy Drew, Ocean's Thirteen, Gracie, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Shrek the Third, Fat Grim. 28 Weeks Later, The Ex, and Georgia Rule."

Autoword The Audi TT Roadster - How time flies with the top down. Top up or down, the redesigned TT roadster is a top-drawer package..

Shallow Thoughts

I don't understand. I'm still gaining weight even through I watch several exercise programs while I'm eating.

The trouble with wine coolers is you don't know if they're domestic, imported, or mouthwash.

My little league team was very poor. We couldn't afford a bench, so everybody sat on me.

Well, here it is summer and I haven't seen one single Santa Claus at the mall yet. Does this mean Christmas will be late this year?

Pests? Get Dickcheneyicide!

Big News

The U.S. Army is considering longer combat tours again. It all depends on the Bush Surge Tours of 08, 09, and O-No!
- This country doesn't need more troops, this country needs more psychiatrists!

Karl Rove is so efficient at destroying stuff around the White House, why can't he be Director of Roadside Bomb Destruction in Iraq?

Anybody know how Paris Hilton is doing? Last I heard she was in jail with almost two weeks to go and trying to get Martha Stewart to break her out.
- Hey, some of us are only as informed as talk radio....

Love & Learn

Summertime .. and the livin' is Scary - School's out, everyone's looking foreword to a great summer, the emergency rooms are gearing up... But you can still have a fun and safe summer if your play it smart. We'll tell you how. Except chiggers -- with chiggers you're on your own.

Video Game Reviews - Turns out a pirate's life isn't as fun as it looks with "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," but "Heatseeker," is a fun and novel approach to air combat.

News Analysis: The New Democrats - The new Democratic majority - the first 5 months. Their own assessment.

In Fashion: The Frame Game - What is the one accessory you can't live without in the summer? Sunglasses, of course, and they've got to look so cool you could chill a margarita with them. And it does help if you can see out of them too.

Shallow Thoughts (Lots more at http://halife.com/shallow/shallow.html)

I am an environmentalist. That's why I never wear Styrofoam shorts!

I always go to class reunions. I just feel I should. Especially since I was voted "The Guy Most Likely to Spend His Life Going to Class Reunions."

Here's a wild new bug killer. The EPA has just approved the production of Dickcheneyicide.

We were very poor. I had a static electric guitar. To play it I had to keep rubbing my shoes on the carpet.

Ah yes, this wonderful spring weather reminds me of being a kid and Krazy-gluing Cheetohs onto Grandma's tomato plants

My wife says, "All you ever think of is baseball." I said, "You're way off base."

I have the solution for the high death toll from tornadoes -- underground trailer parks.