A Big Day for Chickens

Hot News

President Bush reversed course Thursday and accepted Sen. John McCain's call for a law banning cruel, inhumane, and degrading treatment of foreign suspects in the war on terror. The President's approval rating instantly shot up with the humane and plummeted among conservatives. So now even his approval rating is staying the course.

A jolt of freezing rain and ice across Georgia and the Carolinas Thursday closed schools, snarled traffic, and caused power outages to more than 350,000 customers. On the bright side, a guy in Atlanta patented the Mint Julepsicle.

Fabticulous Friday

Friday is Barbie and Barney Backlash Day, the one each year when Mom & Dad can tell the kids that Barbie and Barney don’t exist.

The Boston Tea Party occurred on December 16th in 1773 when the patriots dumped a shipload of British tea into Boston Harbor. With that much caffeine, the fish were probably up all night. And yawning all the next day.

Beethoven was born on December 16th in 1770. Not many know, but when he was alone, Beethoven loved country & western. In the hills around Heidelberg they still play his "5th Achy Breaky Symphony."

Colonel Harland Sanders died on December 16th in 1980. In memory, Friday at noon every chicken in America will face Kentucky and offer a 21-cluck salute.

Love & Learn

Discover Great Online English Help - Many people who want to learn English do not realize the wealth of information that is freely available on the Internet.

Thoughts While Under Sedation

The average politician is below average.

Good news. The crematorium called. My uncle finally stopped smoking.

In case you did not enjoy today's blog, just remember those immortal words, "No refund without a receipt."

Your Cow May Vary

Big News

President Bush stayed the course Wednesday and defended his decision to go to war in Iraq. And if we weren't at war in Iraq, he gritted his teeth and said he'd stay the course there anyway.
- Democrats admitted gritting his teeth was new.

The House easily approved renewing a modified USA Patriot Act on Wednesday. Obviously, House members aren't worried about protecting their own privacy. They probably never go to the library anyway.
- Lobbyists do all their reading for them.

"King Kong" is gearing up for a monster, uh, gorilla weekend at the movie box office. Then what's he going to do? He's going to DisneyWorld! With Jessica Simpson!
- "Blondes really curl my hair," says Kong.
- Then he wants his own show on satellite radio -- like his hairy little idol, Howard Stern.
- Then maybe take a fishing trip with Chewbacca....

Mariah Carey will perform live from Times Square on ABC's "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve." My guess is Mariah just wants to see if she can hit a note high enough to shatter the big glass ball.

Therrific Thursday

Thursday is Coonskin Cap Day, marking the debut of "Davy Crockett" on TV's "Disneyland" on this date in 1954. Within weeks, millions of kids were wearing coonskin caps though the real Davy, himself, never wore one. He just had big ratty hair.

The moon enters its full moon phase Thursday night, so be careful. Even if he does have a white beard and is wearing a red suit, don't sit on any guy's lap if he has fangs.

On December 15th in 37 A.D., the 5th Roman emperor Nero was born. He didn’t really play the fiddle while Rome burned. And the devil probably never went down to Georgia, either.

History's largest dog show opened in London on December 15th in 1984, with 14,611 dogs exhibited. Wow, can you imagine how long the line was at the fire hydrant?

Love & Learn & Laugh

10 Free and Low-Cost Ways to Give Kids the Best Christmas Ever - The real magic of Christmas – the stuff that makes kids’ eyes light up, gives them a warm glow inside, and creates delicious memories – costs little or nothing.

The Comedy of Rita Rudner - As gentle, insightful, hilarious fluff as you will ever find.

Today's Exciting Holiday Brain Stretcher

Which came first, the egg or the nog?

Today's Fascinating Dairy Cow Trivia Question:

How many squirts does it take from a cow to make a pound of butter?
- It takes about 350 squirts from the average cow to make a pound of butter. Squirt efficiency is based on ideal milking conditions and contented cows. Your cow may vary.

Today's Old-Fashioned Italian Christmas Cooking Tip

If you want an old-fashioned Italian Christmas, you simply have to serve roast eel. First, you need a plump, juicy eel that's still alive. Then, just before you roast it, you have to kill it by drowning it in three quarts of your best wine.
- Normally, the eel will be just right for roasting about the time you regain consciousness.

Leftovers

'Tis the season to be jolly, if you can afford jolly. Me, I can only afford pleasant. If you want jolly, you have to bring your own.

Remember, Ho Ho Ho spelled backwards is Oh Oh Oh!

Now be honest. Have you found any blog anywhere half as unique and three-fifths as much fun as HaBlog? Me neither.
- So how about pinging your friends?

Well Flock My Tree!

Big News

This just in. Today is Day #9 that Saddam Hussein has gone without clean underwear. When his trial resumes, he's threatening to be there.

The Federal Reserve on Tuesday pushed interest rates up another quarter of a point, meaning seniors who live off their savings can afford to see their choice of last year's action thrillers at the dollar movie house.
- Assuming they're not caught sneaking in their own popcorn.

Two questions: #1. Does anybody know if Congress is still in session or if they're already gone for the holidays? And, #2. How can you tell?

Scientists announced they have created mice with small amounts of human brain cells. They knew the experiments were successful when a mouse showed up at a Packers' game wearing a cheesehat.

Wontastic Wednesday

Wednesday is Play An Old Song That You Didn't Like To See If You Still Don't Like It Day.

Roald Amundsen, four companions, and about 30 sled dogs arrived at the South Pole on December 14th in 1911. Don't you know that was quite a sight -- 30 dogs waiting in line for their turn at the Pole.
- In the picture they took Amundsen isn't smiling. Probably because his mouth was frozen shut.

While Roald was freezing his dogs at the South Pole on December 14th in 1911, goofy band leader Spike Jones was being born. Spike was sort of the Weird Al Yankovic of the 1940s and ‘50s. Though the two cannot be compared fairly because of the technical limitations of his day. Unlike Weird Al, Spike was never able to belch in Surround-Sound.

Click to Learn

What to Do If You Are Sexually Harassed at Work - Sexual harassment destroys the work environment. The anxiety and frustration experienced by victims can impact their quality of life and the quality of their work. Here's what to do about it.

Santa Fun-Liners - Fun and nonsene at Santa's expense.

Tonight's Fruit Movie

Tonight's story is about a cute grape picker who goes bananas when the apple of her eye goes plum crazy over another tomato

Today's holiday trivia question

When they harvest mistletoe, what do they do with the mistlefoot?

Musical Thoughts

Juggle bills, juggle bills, juggle all the way...

Chestnuts charring in the microwave....

Busy Bigots Love Hateway Computers!

Big News

The Supreme Court said Monday it would consider the constitutionality of a Texas congressional map engineered by Rep. Tom DeLay that helped Republicans gain six seats in Congress. In a related story, the National Association of Engineers is suing the Supreme Court for calling Tom DeLay an engineer.

Okay, so George W. Bush is not the best president we've ever had. But Democrats will have to admit, he's he most recent.

Pat Riley is again the coach of the Miami Heat, replacing Stan Van Gundy following his resignation Monday for family reasons. It's the toughest job in basketball, keeping 300-pound Shaquille O'Neal from stumping his big toe.

Terriftastic Tuesday

Tuesday is Count the La's in "Deck the Halls" Day, so you can tell everybody you know how many la's there are. Be careful: don't count the fa's.

Phillips Brooks was born on December 12 in 1835. He composed "O Little Town of Bethlehem," one of the all-time top ten Christmas carols, sung by millions every year. Which is not bad for a song that never had a music video.

General Robert E. Lee defeated General Ambrose Burnside at Fredericksburg on this date in 1862. General Lee was very colorful. He had gray hair and a gray beard, wore a gray uniform, and rode a gray horse. At a distance, he looked like part of the horse.
- I don't want to start another war, so I won't say which part.

Actor Dick Van Dyke is 80 on Tuesday. He's had a hugely successful career, but his family still prefers Uncle Jerry -- who gets a discount at Big Lots.

Love & Learn

Stretchmarks on My Sanity - How to deck your halls when you have a toddler underfoot.

Today's Christmas Shopping Tip

If you haven't picked up Dad's gift yet, forget it. The stores are too crowded and all the cheap gifts are gone anyway.
- Besides, with a little vinegar and water, a few spices from Mom's spice rack, and a blender, you can whip up a gallon of nice aftershave.
- Be sure to rinse the milk jug thoroughly.

Thoughts While Blow Drying My Toes

Did you ever wonder how many gangsta rap guys do Christmas albums?

Yeah, it’s almost winter—time for the Green Bay cheerleaders to dig out their blizzard bottoms.

Nasty notes on today’s blog were created on a genuine Hateway computer, the nifty notebook that never needs upgrading: it’ll just keep spewing out hate mail forever. Perfect for pusillanimous militia members, busy bigots, and fervent fruitcakes everywhere.

Well, Deck My Hall!

Big News

Voting has begun in hospitals, military camps and even prisons across Iraq, as the nation chooses a new parliament. Prison poll watchers will make sure nobody votes naked.
- And everybody's leash is loose enough to think straight.

At Christmas, Congressmen do their part to bring peace on Earth and goodwill toward men -- they adjourn.

The year is almost over and 2005 will be remembered as the Year of the Stealth Congress. If Congress accomplished anything, it was not visible to the naked eye.

Country music stars Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood were married this weekend in a private ceremony at their Oklahoma home. No details were given, so we don't know if the bride and groom wore cowboy hats or ball caps.
- Thank goodness Trisha has enough hair for both of them.

Magnifulous Monday

Monday is Poinsettia Day, marking the 1799 birth of Dr. Joel Poinsett, who brought the poinsettia plant north from Mexico. He was a U.S. congressman and Secretary of War, but he knew beaty when he saw it.

Bob Barker is 82 on Monday. What a guy. After all these years he’s still trying to help control the pet population. Bob’s a shoo-in if there’s ever a Nobel Prize for Neutering.

On December 12 in 1959 Marion Crane was stabbed to death in the shower of cabin #1 at the Bates Motel in Fairvale. It was in the movie "Psycho." I had nightmares. I still have a deadbolt lock on my shower curtain.

Love and Learn

Moments for Moms - How to attain peace this Christmas.

Eat Your Way to Lower Cholestero This Month - Many have high cholesterol these days. To help lower your cholesterol, here are 10 tips to get you started today.

Your Perfect Garden -
Fertilizers - What you Need to Feed Your Lawn.

Thoughts While Picking Pine Needles Out of the Carpet

Christmas is that special time of year when people either wish for peace on earth or that their relatives would go home.

I don't know what I'm going to run out of first: the yuletide spirit, or the yuletide money.

Actually, armadillos aren't bad pets, if they just wouldn't make that awful clatter when they fall down the basement steps.

Tonight's TV movie is a remake of "It's A Wonderful Life," with Bart Simpson. The family finds out what it would be like if Bart was never born, and decides to keep it that way.