Parting Is Such Sweaty Sorrow

Big News

President Bush's approval rating jumped another point this week after Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called him the devil. Republicans immediately came up with a long list of other names for world leaders to call the President.

Wal-Mart plans to begin selling nearly 300 generic prescription drugs for a sharply reduced price, many as low as $4 a month. The program will be launched Friday at 65 stores in the Tampa Bay area. Canadians are already flying in to get in line.

September 22 Now & Then

Today is the last day of summer. So what the hey, get on out there in this wonderful world of ours and shoot something.
- Enjoy yourself. Take time to stop and smell the fish.
- Goodbye, summer. Parting is such sweaty sorrow.

In the Northern Hemisphere autumn begins tomorrow morning at three minutes past midnight (EDT), and spring begins in the Southern Hemisphere. It's like the leaves fall off the trees up north so they can grow on the trees down south.
- And every day somewhere in the world, it's time to start Christmas shopping.

Two women were hanged for witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts, on this day in 1692. The colonists had intended to hang three women, but one of them got away on her broom.

The Greeks defeated the Persians at Mycale on this date in 479 B.C. Back then, on every day in history, somebody defeated somebody. In the sports section, where we have the baseball standings, they had the war standings.
- Greece was in first place by three wars.

Love & Learn

Nature Newswatch - Find another of God's fascinating creatures or plants each week. Great things to look for on family picnics, field trips and outings.

A Greener View - Insects are making pests of themselves.

WellNews - A different take on fitness and health news: fun quickies that are actually interesting. A weekly roundup of the latest.

Today's medical tip:

Remember, every real rubber plant in your doctor's office will cost you an extra $20 per visit.

Shallow Thoughts

I could tell there was a hint of autumn in the air when the neighbor kid's football smashed me in the face.

Mooses on today's blog were styled with Loose Mousse, the totally new and different alcohol styling moose mousse that leaves your moose loose as a goose.

Publius Vergilius & The Devil

Big News

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took his verbal battle with the United States to the floor of the U.N. General Assembly Wednesday, calling President Bush "the devil." Bush responded immediately by asking the CIA to find Venezuela and tap their phones.
- Chavez didn't mean it. It's just something he read in a Democrat blog.

- The latest polls show that President Bush's popularity has rebounded to 45%. And since that's ten percent more than ever vote, Republicans want another tax cut.

September 21st Now & Then

This is National Dog Week, a time to do nice things for your dog: play ball with him, scratch his ears, get him a new bone and bury it for him.....
- Let him watch you worm the cat....

The poet Virgil died on this day in the year 19 B.C. His real name was Publius Vergilius Maro. He wrote "Georgic," "Aeneid," and "Ecologues." And today, time permitting, we will not read any of those.

Farm Safety Week Fun Liners

Writer Stephen King is 58 today. Stephen’s birthday parties are different. Everybody drinks bloody marys and lights a candle and eats cake mix right out of the box.
- Then they get into their scrubs and play Cut the Tail Off the Donkey.

This is Dried Fig Week in California. The state's nudists will observe the occasion by wearing dried fig leaves.

Love & Learn

Teens: Irregular Heartbeat Can Be Dangerous - Some warning signs for cardiac arrhythmia in teens.

To Be Equal - National attention needed to speed Gulf Coast rebuilding.

Book Reviews: The Homework Myth - For parents who hate the homework wars, “The Homework Myth” by Alfie Kohn will seem like a lifeline.

The Alert Consumer - I'm ready to move to the Web's next level.

Today's medical tip:

Always check the diplomas in your doctor's office. And remember, there is no such medical school as Olivia Newton-John's Hopkins.

Today's Soap Opera Update:

Today on "The Young and the Clueless," Cricket shows Skylar the tumbling routine that caused the school board to meet in an all-night executive session.

Shallow Football Thought

Actually, the Redskins might be better off to practice coin-toss calling.

T.M.X. Elmo Reads This Blog

Big News

Thailand's army commander staged a coup Tuesday and ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra while he was in New York. Reportedly, Democrats are offering President Bush a free trip to anywhere just to see what might happen here.

Fisher-Price Tuesday took the wraps off T.M.X. Elmo. He's still red, fuzzy and really ticklish, but now Elmo's laughing fits have him slapping his knee, falling to the floor, rolling over and pounding his arm. It's like he just heard Paris Hilton's album.

September 20th Now & Then

This is National Farm Safety Week and National Laundry Week. So be especially careful washing your pigs and chickens.
- I'd recommend the gentle cycle.

For more farm foolishness, click Farm Safety Fun Liners]

The Equal Rights Party was founded in San Francisco on this date in 1884, nominating attorney Belva Lockwood, the first woman candidate for president. In the election she came in last, so in 1888 Belva chose a male running mate, but she still came in last.
- So Ms. Lockwood retired from politics, predicting that a woman probably wouldn't be elected president until at least 1910.
- Hey, she was right.

Chester A. Arthur became President of the U.S. on this day in 1881. Chester was the first president to hold a garage sale at the White House. He sold 25 wagon-loads of furniture and made $8,000. Unfortunately, that's the only exciting thing Chester ever did.

One of the inventors of jazz was born in New Orleans on this day in 1885. Jelly Roll Morton and the Red Hot Peppers played their "King Porter Stomp" and "Jelly Roll Blues" all over America in the late 1920s. Unfortunately, Jelly Roll wasn't smart enough to wear a dress or a Hindu tattoo or a ring through his nose, so he was never accepted by the masses.

Love & Learn

Make Potty Training More Like Child's Play - Being ready to use the potty can be an exciting yet challenging time in a child's life. It doesn't have to be stressful if parents know what to expect.

Editorial: Lobbying - A growth industry.

Lloyd Grove: Gossip - 'Fashion celebs a little worse for wear. Plus Fonda, Lohan.

Analysis: Geeks - Geeks of the world, untie - I mean, unite!

Today's horoscope

Gemini: This is the best day of the month to stand naked between two full-length mirrors and count your moles.

Shallow Thoughts

Facing up to reality is what you do when the cable goes out.

It's the Key Law of Life. You can only find the keys you're not looking for.

Warning! For Cynics Only

Big News

An armed man ran through the hallways of the U.S. Capitol Monday in the worst security breach in two years. Republicans weren't worried, however, since they knew guns don't kill politicians, pollsters kill politicians.
- In fact, police rushed the guy away from Congress quickly before somebody sold him some more guns.

President Bush on Monday linked his push for world democracy with first lady Laura Bush's call for governments to embrace literacy programs to improve lives. As a goodwill gesture, the President offered to read "My Pet Goat" to any Islamic fascists who will shut up and listen.

September 19th Now & Then

This is National Dog Week, a time to honor dogs everywhere. But remember, though they appreciate being honored, most dogs don't like being licked in the face.

The Panic of 1873 began on this day in 1873. Not to be confused with the Panic of 1929, which didn't begin until 1929.
- Otherwise, they were a lot alike. Banks failed, everybody went bankrupt. Oddly enough, the Panic of 1873 didn't affect car sales at all.

Farm Safety Fun Liners for National Farm Safety Week, which this is.

Mickey Mouse was born on this day in 1928, appearing in the Disney cartoon "Steamboat Willie." Mickey has worked long and hard for over 70 years, and he's not about to retire. In fact, he seems to enjoy the rat race.

The first U.S. advertisement for false teeth appeared in Boston on this date in 1768. In those days false teeth were very expensive, and most families could afford only one set. Meals took forever while everybody waited his turn to chew.

Love & Learn

Study: Overweight Infants Tend to Keep Fat On - Parents and pediatricians have one less excuse to shrug off children's extra pounds as just baby fat that kids will eventually outgrow.

Editorial: Lessons from the Pump - There are lessons to be learned from a year of soaring gas prices, but there is a very real danger that, once again, we'll learn the wrong one.

Today's Scene: College - Today's students are riding a new wave of technology.

Project of the Week: Lawyer's Bookcase - Making a case for books

There's a Mesage in Raitt's Music - Singer Bonnie Raitt says musicians have a duty to raise public awareness. On tour she donates prime seats to benefit Voter Action, a group that works to make sure U.S. elections are honest.

Today's medical tip:

Always check the parking lot at your doctor's office. If there's a Roll Royce in his parking space, you KNOW who's going to pay for it.

Shallow Thoughts

Remember, before beginning an exercise program, check with your doctor -- to make sure your heart is strong enough to take the shock of the price of exercise equipment.

This just in. Major-league club owners today announced that beginning next year the 7th inning stretch will be an hour long -- so fans can go home and get more money.

Two Prune Flurries, Please

Big News

The U.S. military in Iraq has imprisoned an Associated Press photographer for five months. My gosh -- what on earth could he possibly have photographed the Bush twins doing?

September 18th Now & Then

Frankie Avalon is 66 today. And he still looks and acts young: still bops at the beach ... still flirts with the beach bunnies ... still whips by the Sonic drive-in for his burger and Prune Flurry....
- Frankie plans to do one more beach movie as soon as he can find an orthopedic surfboard.
- Frankie looks so great at 66, it makes you want to move right out to the beach and live the rest of your life on burgers and tator tots.

Today's Oh-So-Exciting Frankie Avalon Trivia Question:
- Frankie never won any awards as a movie lover. How did he do off the screen?
- Not bad -- he has eight children.

Elmer Maytag was born on this day in 1883. Elmer invented the lonely washing machine repairman.

This is National Farm Safety Week, a reminder to use a little common sense in the barnyard. For example, never ever yell "Hook 'em Horns!" to a Hereford bull while wearing red longjohns.

[For much more farm safety foolishness, click Much More Farm Safety Foolishness

Love & Learn

'Tween 12 and 20 - Wise kids don't model parents' bad behavior .. Suntans are not healthy .. Most teens start smoking young .. Get involved to get over that 'poor me' stage .. Teachers are not overpaid .. Don't send friend money, send thanks. .. Mother should be encouraged to pursue degree ..

Meet Me With Your Black Drawers On - It's official: Jeannie Cheatham's life is an open book.

Business Travel - With N.Y.-D.C. fares sky-high, it may be time to stay grounded.

FYI Travel - Can't decide between Canada and the Caribbean? Here's your answer.

Today's imagination teaser:

What do you think might happen if the rumor got out that somebody had died somewhere in (Texas) and had been buried with a $50-million lottery ticket?

Today's medical tip:

Never trust a doctor whose specialty is wart transplants.

Et al.

In school I was not only an under-achiever, some days I was also under surveillance.

The Royals don't have a disabled list. They ARE a disabled list.