Making Sense Is Way Over Rated
Big News
Americans are getting excited about the presidential race? According to the latest poll, most voters believe John McCain can beat either Democrat if he chooses Britney Spears as his running mate.
- Britney's experience with paparazzi shows she can handle terrorists.
Presdient Bush is threatening to impose wide-ranging U.S. sanctions on any nation in the Middle East that doesn't boost oil production. This is great news for Chinese flag makers, who can now sell millions more U.S. flags to burn.
- U.S. flags are always big profit makers because manufacturers don't have to add flame retardant chemicals.
Momentum is building for the final episodes of all the big TV shows. Sorry, I can't remember any of the big TV shows' names.
- On most of them the hero gets shot.
- That way, if the show's ratings tank, nobody will care if they don't come back.
- If the shows are as big as expected, all new NBC series next fall will feature nothing but final episodes.
Love & Learn
Inside People - Keeping weight off is harder than losing it, but there are ways... Baby Boot Camp: It's worth the wait to lose that baby weight... Researchers, regular people know forgiving is right choice... Much more.
'Straight Out of Hell' - After the murders in Zachary, Louisiana, 4-year-old Lindsay Page Johnson, her own throat slashed, saved her baby sister. Incredibly marvelous journalism.
'Green' home concept goes beyond cutting rising energy bills - Here are 9 suggestions for inside your home, 13 for outside. Can't do 'em all at once maybe, but now's a great time to get started.
Financial Update - ◙ U.S. moves to insulate appraisers from pressure to cook the numbers ... ◙ Sempra completes crucial natural gas terminal in Mexico... ◙ Lawsuits raise questions about private prisons - ◙ A once ailing private-prison sector is now a revenue maker ... - Much more.
'Tween 12 and 20: Cool Advice for Teens and Their Parents - Parents aren't always to blame... Tell parents about boyfriend's past... Teen's record remains clean... Jogging not the best way to lose weight... It's a myth drunks fare better in crashes... Listen up teens, smoking kills...
TV Coseup: Yeardley Smith - For Yeardley Smith, playing Lisa Simpson on "The Simpsons" is a dream job. "Easiest job I ever got," she says. And steady work for 18 years.
Speak up for kids! - Every day we read shocking stories about youth violence and drug abuse. The plight of children should warn us about the state of our nation. We have a national crisis on our hands.
Shallow Thoughts
Did you hear? To make the Indy 500 more exciting, this year half the cars will race clockwise....
Sometimes in the game of life, I feel like an airball.
I went to a sex therapist. Now he's confused, too.
I went camping in the woods. Smokey the Bear dozed off with a cigarette...
My wife says I'm vain, spoiled, arrogant, and callous. I feel so lucky to have someone who knows me that well.
My wife is so creative and malicious. She washes my sweatsocks in the vaporizer. I can't complain. My sinuses stay open.
Americans are getting excited about the presidential race? According to the latest poll, most voters believe John McCain can beat either Democrat if he chooses Britney Spears as his running mate.
- Britney's experience with paparazzi shows she can handle terrorists.
Presdient Bush is threatening to impose wide-ranging U.S. sanctions on any nation in the Middle East that doesn't boost oil production. This is great news for Chinese flag makers, who can now sell millions more U.S. flags to burn.
- U.S. flags are always big profit makers because manufacturers don't have to add flame retardant chemicals.
Momentum is building for the final episodes of all the big TV shows. Sorry, I can't remember any of the big TV shows' names.
- On most of them the hero gets shot.
- That way, if the show's ratings tank, nobody will care if they don't come back.
- If the shows are as big as expected, all new NBC series next fall will feature nothing but final episodes.
Love & Learn
Inside People - Keeping weight off is harder than losing it, but there are ways... Baby Boot Camp: It's worth the wait to lose that baby weight... Researchers, regular people know forgiving is right choice... Much more.
'Straight Out of Hell' - After the murders in Zachary, Louisiana, 4-year-old Lindsay Page Johnson, her own throat slashed, saved her baby sister. Incredibly marvelous journalism.
'Green' home concept goes beyond cutting rising energy bills - Here are 9 suggestions for inside your home, 13 for outside. Can't do 'em all at once maybe, but now's a great time to get started.
Financial Update - ◙ U.S. moves to insulate appraisers from pressure to cook the numbers ... ◙ Sempra completes crucial natural gas terminal in Mexico... ◙ Lawsuits raise questions about private prisons - ◙ A once ailing private-prison sector is now a revenue maker ... - Much more.
'Tween 12 and 20: Cool Advice for Teens and Their Parents - Parents aren't always to blame... Tell parents about boyfriend's past... Teen's record remains clean... Jogging not the best way to lose weight... It's a myth drunks fare better in crashes... Listen up teens, smoking kills...
TV Coseup: Yeardley Smith - For Yeardley Smith, playing Lisa Simpson on "The Simpsons" is a dream job. "Easiest job I ever got," she says. And steady work for 18 years.
Speak up for kids! - Every day we read shocking stories about youth violence and drug abuse. The plight of children should warn us about the state of our nation. We have a national crisis on our hands.
Shallow Thoughts
Did you hear? To make the Indy 500 more exciting, this year half the cars will race clockwise....
Sometimes in the game of life, I feel like an airball.
I went to a sex therapist. Now he's confused, too.
I went camping in the woods. Smokey the Bear dozed off with a cigarette...
My wife says I'm vain, spoiled, arrogant, and callous. I feel so lucky to have someone who knows me that well.
My wife is so creative and malicious. She washes my sweatsocks in the vaporizer. I can't complain. My sinuses stay open.
posted by Joe Hickman at 1:28 PM
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