Pumpkin Slush ?

Saturday is National Pumpkin Slush Day.

I don't think I'll have one. For the same reason I seldom order pumpkin cheesecake or fig yogurt.

Overload! Overload!

With the morning newspaper, the noon, evening, and late news, and all the in-depth Web articles on News That Matters, my mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

I didn't even get to my favorite articles today on Oddly Enough and Offbeat News: "Children Shouldn't Choke The Chicken" and "Dead man gets parking ticket..."

Love & Learn

Moments for Moms - What to do when you're waiting for God.

Football Anyone?

This is my favorite season of the year. The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are in full bloom.

A football player wears shoulder pads, rib pads, hip pads, knee pads, and the most important piece of equipment: a rubber band to hold his ponytail in place.

Football is not real violence as long as nobody gets shot.

Blow This Up!

In Case You Missed It

Tom Delay on Thursday turned himself in to the sheriff in Houston, and was photographed, fingerprinted and released on bond on state conspiracy and money laundering charges. He was there less than 30 minutes, so he raised only $7 million.

Fun History

On October 21, 1879, Thomas Edison invented the first light bulb. That night, his kids came in late and left it on all night.

Alfred Nobel was born on October 21 in 1833. He invented dynamite and founded the Nobel Peace Prize. He was smart -- he figured out a way to blow people up, then gave a prize for not doing it.

Carrie Fisher is 49 on Friday. She's a successful author, but most people remember her best as Princess Leia Organa in "Star Wars." You just can't forget those hairy cinnamon rolls on her head.
- Those were held on, by the way, with mega-hold hair spray and honey.
- Carrie invited all the old Star Wars characters to her birthday party. Unfortunately, R2D2 is out of warranty, and Chewbacca is recovering from major hairball surgery.

Love and Learn

Be Strong - True forgiveness is still one of the most remarkable traits a human can possess.

Yeah, I know it's schmaltzy, but I have learned the most important stuff is actually what my parents, teachers, and pastors tried to teach me when I was a child.

Thoughts While Shaving

Why is it that some people can remember every detail of the dumbest joke you ever heard, but can't remember how many times they've already told it to you?

Now, Parent Warning #314. Remember, holding up a 4-year-old so he can see the cotton candy machine may encourage him to seek out your clothes drier and lick the lint trap.

I never let the little things in life get to me. I always sent them to their rooms.

Fair and Balanced Sleaze

News You Won't Find in The Economist

Visitors were ordered out of the Florida Keys Wednesday as Hurricane Wilma exploded into the most intense Atlantic hurricane on record. FEMA sprung into action immediately to evacuate the alligators.

A guy set a new world record by completing 206 jumps on a pogo stick in one minute while carrying a dog. If there's a trophy, I hope the dog got it.

Four Fox network programs topped a parents group's annual listing of the worst prime-time shows for family viewing. Apparently, the shows adhere to the new Fox slogan: "Fair and balanced sleaze."

October 20

Thursday is Day of National Concern About Young People and Gun Violence. So, we can expect both side of the gun control argument to be shooting off their mouths.

Baseball great Mickey Mantle was born on October 20, 1931. Mickey had special meaning to the older men of America. They'd all be rich if only they'd saved his rookie bubblegum card.

The Greeks defeated the Persians at Salamis on October 20 in 480 B.C. Back then all people did was kill each other. Liberals wanted a battle-axe control law, but conservatives claimed an inalienable right to bear axes.

Thursday is Talk About Frost day, a good day to talk about frost, since you might find some on your pumpkin.- According to most frostologists, frost is not frozen dew. Frozen dew is little balls of ice. But frost is white crystalline frozen vapor. Try to remember this because it could be extremely important on a TV quiz show.- Next year at this time we'll take a close look at how frost can be used to convert your extra mountains into topsoil.

Oh to Learn

Family Finances - Why Join The Credit Union? Better Benefits Are Hard To Find!

Socio-psychological Stuff

Have you ever wondered why traffic planners never try fixing one street completely before they tear up another one?

Do you think it’s possible for a person to derive a sense of harmony with his fellow man, by putting on a pair of bowling shoes that are still warm?

I do hereby solemnly swear to never sing on this blog. I'm a terrible singer. Every time I sing in church, everybody starts praying for me.

More Odds Than Ends

News You Won't Get on Your iPod

Inflation at the wholesale level last month soared by the largest amount in more than 15 years. Of course, most folks don't buy wholesale. So we're okay as long as it doesn't hit Wal-Mart.
- If things get really rough, can we order from a China Wal-Mart and get free shipping to our local Wal-Mart?

The U.S. cost of living is now so outrageous, only Bill Gates and Alex Rodriguez can afford it.
- And Alex is having to cut back.

European Union foreign ministers Tuesday declared the spread of bird flu from Asia to Europe a global threat. President Bush immediately issued an executive order prohibiting Americans and birds from marrying.

Florida is preparing for yet another storm. To save time in the future, all new buildings must have plywood windows.
- And float.

Sylvester Stallone has signed on to make another "Rocky" movie. Most people are surprised. Most people didn't know you could get boxing trunks made by Depend.

The NBA has a new off-the-court dress code. All players must wear pants -- that fall at least three feet below the knees.
- Point guards can roll theirs up.

Today is Make A Scarecrow Day and Evaluate Your Life Day. I'd rather make a scarecrow.
- Evaluating my life is too scary.

Nanibozhu

We are now in the midst of Native American Summer, when Nanibozhu, the god of the Ojibways, sits down beside the North Pole and smokes his pipe for a while before sacking out for the winter. So that autumn haze in the air isn't really an autumn haze in the air -- it's smoke from an Indian god's pipe. In other words, that's holy smoke.

The Bath Bach Festival is this week in Bath, England. And the Bach Bath Festival begins in Bach, Germany. The Bath Bach bash in Bath ballyhoos Bach, but the Bach Bath bash bathes Bach. Any questions?

We Must Learn While We Can

How to Teach Your Children to Cook - Here are some simple tips for teaching the basics, and giving kids skills that will last a lifetime.

Thoughts While Shaving

Do you realize millions of people in India and Tibet will go to bed tonight without reading this blog? Think about that.
- We in this country are so very blessed.

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

Play that Gunny Sack!

News You Won't Get on ESPN

Iraq's electoral commission said Monday it will audit "unusually high" numbers in results coming from most provinces in the country's landmark constitutional referendum. A challenge could wind up in the supreme court, which Iraq doesn't have yet.- Unfortunately, Iraqis also don't have late-night comedians to help voters keep all the crap the government does in proper perspective.

Tropical Storm Wilma strengthened Monday after forming in the northwestern Caribbean. It's not expected to reach the Gulf of Mexico before the weekend, so coastal plywood salesmen vacationing in Hawaii have time to get back home.

Tobacco stocks jumped higher Monday after cigarette makers won a major decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. The ruling means tobacco companies can do almost anything they want, except sell cigarettes to unborn children.

We got a fan letter from Osama bin Laden. He said he loves my blog. In fact, he loves all kinds of American bombs.

Canadian Women, Rejoice!

Tuesday is Persons Day in Canada, marking that fateful day in 1929 when Canadian men decided to proclaim that Canadian women were officially persons. It was right after that fateful day when Canadian women proclaimed that Canadian men were officially animals.- And could sleep in the dog house.- Men were already persons. Boys and girls still are not persons, but at least under Canadian law, some day they will be.

Singer Chuck Berry is 79 on Tuesday. He used to carry his guitar in a gunny sack, way back up in the woods beside the railroad track. And all the little possums would bop and yell, "Go, go, go, Chuckie, go! Play that gunny sack!"

Such Wisdom

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively dumb?

We must realize we cannot earn or win anything from God. We have to either accept it as a gift, or do without it.

Quick Doses of Family Wisdom - Brief tips to make life easier for parents.

Searching for Sanity

Today's Soap Opera Update. On "Search for Sanity," Jerry and Moonbeam realize their relationship is unstable because neither of them will change the Odor Eaters in their earth shoes.

Now, today's incredibly exciting household safety tip. Never ever microwave while wearing aluminum underwear.- Four out of five laboratory rats who engaged in such activity lost all interest in sex and melting Cheez Whiz.

Amalgamated Money Smellers?

HaBlog - Chosen Blog of the Week by the Amalgamated Money Smellers of Erie, Pennsylvania

Thoughts While Clipping My Toenails

Isn't attacking people to teach them not to attack people the same as hitting a child to teach him not to hit others? If neither works, why do we keep doing it?

Whatever Happened to Ricky Martin?

Ricky Martin, whose hits include "Livin' La Vida Loca," says the fame and fortune he experienced left him feeling bored and embittered. Now a blues singer, Ricky's new song is called "Livin' La Sour Siesta."
- He snores the final 45 seconds.
- In Spanish.

This just in. A sadistic, deranged, slasher serial killer today was sentenced to seven successive 99-year prison terms. This means he could be eligible for parole in eight months.

So Much to Learn

Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage - Tips by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll be on your way to having what we all want.

Leaf Me Alone!

I don't care what season it is, I will rake no leaf before its time.

It's not fair. Why can't the bugs that ate the lawn come back now an eat the leaves?

The Boss

Monday is National Boss Day, a day for all employees to honor Bruce Springsteen.