Toads Eyes Are How Much?

Big News

Democrats said President Bush's latest choice for the Supreme Court, Samuel Alito, is "too radical for the American people." "Shucks," said the President, "if Democrats hate the guy, I must've finally got it right."

Vice President Dick Cheney on Monday picked two guys to replace Scooter Libby. Obviously, in the coming months Cheney is expecting to need more obstruction and perjury than one assistant can handle.

Both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney heaped praise on Scooter Libby after he was indicted. It's like to get praise from the Bush administration, you have to get indicted.

Paramount Pictures is removing billboards promoting the upcoming 50 Cent film "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" after community activists complained they promoted guns. In a related story, 50 Cent is now the leading contender for president of the NRA.

Crazy Halloween

Tuesday is the day after Halloween, the day when children everywhere have candy for breakfast, and adults try to figure out what to do now with that stupid pumpkin.

My dog went out trick-or-treating and came back with 23 doggie treats and a French poodle.

What a crazy Halloween! There was a vampire on the corner with a sign that said, "Will neck for blood!"

Really crazy! A witch tried to sell me her broom. Said she was going out of business. Couldn't afford to brew magic potions anymore, what with the skyrocketing cost of toads' eyes.

Peanut Butter Season

November is Peanut Butter Lovers Month, time to celebrate North America's favorite sandwich, peanut butter and jelly. I'll believe that when Burger King starts turning out Peanut Butter Whoppers.

Family Love

Banana Split Brownies - Your family and friends will absolutely do flips over these very special brownies.

And finally,

I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.