Klan Wins Grammy for Not Recording

Big News

This just in. The Ku Klux Klan has checked into rehab.
- Apparently, word got out that a bunch of men cavorting around in white sheets had to be gay.
- Word is they got the group rate at the new Ted Haggard Rehab Centers popping up everywhere.

Grammy Predictions:
- The audience will gasp when Michael Jackson shows up and offers $190 million for Norah Jones' nose. Hey, it is cute.
- Mary J. Blige will hit a high note and shatter implants all over Staples Center.
- Gretchen Wilson will turn blue and suffer near asphyxiation when her hairdo falls and her face gets stuck in her hat.
- Elmer Fudd will win a Grammy for Best Cartoon Country Impression of Twavis Twitt.
- Everyone will doze off or tune out after the award for Best Country TV Soundtrack goes to "The Love Theme from the Monster Truck Channel." (HaBlog)

More Big News every day at Laughs Today, the Internet's #1 topical comedy site.

Love & Learn

DVD Select - Newest, best and worst available on DVD this week, including Flags of Our Fathers, Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles, Running With Scissors, Hollywoodland, Cinderella III: A Twist, Trust the Man, Flicka, Soup of the Day, lots of stuff from TV and more.

Autoword - Infiniti retools G35, takes aim at BMW fans

WellNews - A different take on fitness and health news: fun quickies that are actually interesting. A weekly roundup of the latest.

Money and You - How to find - and screen - a financial adviser.

LifeWire: Soccer-Related Injuries - Soccer moms may want to take notice: Young soccer players made 1.6 million emergency room visits between 1990 and 2003.

Shallow Thoughts

Not everybody should go to college. If we're all educated, who's going to do the plumbing and fix the potholes and write the jokes?

This note from the Bulletin Board. Cub Scout Pack #8898 will not meet this afternoon. Your den mother was committed.

Wal-Mart Takes Over U.S.

Big News

Wal-Mart and three other major U.S. employers on Wednesday joined hands with union leaders in setting a goal of providing "quality, affordable" health care for every American by 2012. And after they get us health care, maybe Wal-Mart can get us out of Iraq,
- It's possible. They could offer Iran and Syria Super Walmarts in every town with special everyday low prices for Iraqi insurgents and discount health care for suicide bombers.
- Best plan I've heard yet.

Tivo, Amazon.com, Walmart, and everybody else is offering video downloads. This makes it so much more convenient to not see all those lousy movies you wouldn't see anyway.
- It's always been a dream of mine, to max out my credit cards downloading videos.
- My other dream is to be able to download Whoppers and fries.

More Big News every day at Laughs Today, the Internet's #1 topical comedy site.

Love & Learn

Tim Herd's Watchable Wildlife Guide - Wildlife observation in the right place at the right time.

Hat Attack: Fashion Makes a Cloche Call - In less than an hour, according to millinery designer Eugenia Kim, you can look like some of the world's most glamorous celebrities, including her customers Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna or Beyonce.

Travel: Peru - Suddenly, there it was - Machu Picchu, the legendary 'lost city of the Incas.

$274,000 a Day! - The estimated entry fee for the 2008 presidential race will be at least $100 million. Candidates who haven't raised that much by the end of 2007 might just as well not leave the barn.

FYI Travel - Mingle with Mother Nature in Monterey.

Tips for Frustrated Parents - If your child watches too much TV, is a picky eater, battles you at bedtime or spurns potty training, child care authorities offer some practical advice for frustrated parents.

Shallow Thoughts

One credit card company wants to give me a card to pay off my other credit cards. This is like robbing Peter to buy a gun to shoot Paul.

I can't help it. During flu season I'm so paranoid, in case the postman sneezed on my mail I won't open it without microwaving it first.

What this country really needs is a Dirt Devil strong enough to suck up Howard Stern!

Decider, Discerner, Screwerupper

Big News

Defense Secretary Robert Gates held out hope Tuesday that U.S. forces might be able to start leaving Iraq before the end of the year. How can he say that? He's not The Decider!

The Globe tabloid reports that Laura Bush wants a trial separation from her husband. Reportedly, the Bush's marital problems revolve around the same question as most marital problems -- over who's really The Decider?
- Of course, The Globe is not the best source for White House gossip. So we'll check this week's National Enquirer to be sure.

Love & Learn

Your Great Body - Anyone ever tell you you have a great body? Well, you do.

Travel: New York - Chautauqua County beckons even in winter.

Today's Health Scene - Simple test can help achieve weight-loss goals.

Big Tobacco's Incredible Deceit Continues - For decades, cigarette manufacturers marketed their products to minors, denied the addiction and medical harm their products caused and resisted efforts to make tobacco products less harmful. And now this:

Under the Hood of Windows Vista - After years of design, Microsoft has launched its new Vista operating system.

Analysis - Diplomat Ronen Sen: U.S., India shares interests, common values.

To Be Equal - Smith, Dungy and Obama breaking through color barrier.

Shallow Thoughts

It was so cold this morning the dog was trying to put on my sweats

Yeah, it's freezing, but look on the bright side -- there are no bugs to clean off your windshield.

The sidewalks were so slippery people were out there playing "Bumper Buns."

Honestly, my readers are so marvelous to me, sometimes I feel really unworthy of being so wonderful.