Tornadoes, Prunes, and Angelina Jolips

Big News

The U.S. Senate rejected a call on Thursday for the withdrawal of U.S. combat forces from Iraq by year's end. This will allow President Bush to make another surprise visit to Baghdad on New Year's Eve.
- Maybe he'll invite Dick Clark.

The Supreme Court made it easier Thursday for police to barge into homes and seize evidence without knocking. This means Mom will now straighten up and vacuum twice a day.

June 16th

A guy in Eastbourne, England, set a world record on June 16th in 1971 by eating 130 prunes in a minute and a half. Before eating the prunes he had been suffering from severe irregularity. Afterward he almost died from severe regularity.
- For several days he could not be reached for comment.

On June 16th in 1882 a destructive tornado swept across the Midwestern U.S. A tornado is a huge concentration of wind that makes you wish you were somewhere else. It's nature's version of Howard Stern.

The New York Giants hosted the first Ladies’ Day baseball game on June 16th in 1883. They don’t have ladies days anymore. Ladies are big fans now and pay full price and scream at the umpire just as loud as the guys. In fact, you realize how far equality has come when you’re at the ballpark and some beautiful young lady spits on your shoes.

Father's Day Fun-Liners

The National Hollerin' Contest is this weekend in Dunn, North Carolina. Contestants will return next week for the National Laryngitis Festival.

Love & Learn

Drug Plan a Bitter Pill - No one said adding prescription drug coverage to the federal government's health insurance program for seniors would be easy.

Cutting the Cord - A chip from Staccato Communications makes it possible to integrate wireless capability into consumer products. The idea is to eliminate the need for cables to connect things like televisions and DVD players or computers and printers.

Mobile Music Gets Interesting - Every now and then something comes along that stands out from all the lesser advances. The Inno combines a portable XM Satellite radio receiver with an MP3 player and can deliver sound through its own headphones, through a car stereo, a home stereo, or a computer.

Shallow Thoughts

I just don't have any will power. Why can't somebody invent a dessert patch?

Our tax system is a graduated tax. From the day you graduate, you're taxed.

Hey, I don't ask for much. All I want is unlimited credit, my own tropical island, and Angelina Jolips sponging me down twice a day with coconut milk.

To the Ugly Tabernacle Choir

Big News

Tens of thousands of Iraqi troops and police fanned out across Baghdad Wednesday in a major security crackdown aimed at ending the violence that has devastated the capital. There were so many police on the streets, in fact, Halliburton requested additional emergency funding for a massive doughnut airlift.

June 15th

On June 15th in 1752 Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity, thus making it possible to hear a $50 guitar all over town.

On June 15th in 1956, 15-year-old John Lennon met 13-year-old Paul McCartney for the 1st time as Lennon's group The Quarrymen performed at a church dinner. Somewhere, Yoko was breaking up a Boy Scout troop.

Democracy was born on June 15th in 1215 when King John signed the Magna Carta, the "Great Charter," which guaranteed life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to anyone who could afford it.

Waylon Jennings was born on June 15th n 1937. Waylon, Willie, Johnny, and Kris made up "The Outlaws." Or as they were known in Nashville, the Ugly Tabernacle Choir.

Love & Learn

All in the Family Again - Three-generational living is on the rise. Grandparents, parents and children are cutting costs and sharing one roof.

TV Closeup: Steve Byers - Steve Byers stars as Jason Tanner on the TV drama “Falcon Beach.”

FYI Travel - Journey through Mexico's colonial past, golf along the Mediterranean, surf off San Diego.

Et al.

Sumer camp is confidence builder for a boy because he meets other kids his age who are just as weird.

To Betsy Ross's Underwear

Big News

President Bush assured Iraqis in a surprise visit to Baghdad on Tuesday that the United States stands with them and their new government. He did not appear under a "Mission Accomplished" banner, but hinted if the Iraqis can help get oil prices down before the elections, it will be.

June 14th

June 14th is Flag Day in the U.S., marking adoption of the nation's banner on this day in 1777. It was Betsy Ross who designed the first U.S. flag, which she pieced together using discontinued red, white, and blue underwear that didn’t sell at her boutique — Betsy’s Secret.
- Betsy always wore red, white, and blue underwear. Her close friends called her Wonder Woman.

Now today's exciting Flag Day trivia question:
- Why did Betsy Ross make the first U.S. flag?
- Historians tell us that Betsy Ross's husband John's brother George's best friend was General George Washington, who needed something for his troops to rally around so they would stop rallying around Martha.
- So George asked George to ask John to ask Betsy to make a flag. And she did. Betsy had always been good with her hands.
- Then she made some really cute little lace purses for the soldiers to carry their powder in, but those didn't go over as well.

On June 14th in 1805, Captain William Bligh safely reached an island after the infamous mutiny on the Bounty. Which brings up today’s "swashbuckler trivia:" The most expensive part of being a pirate is the dry-cleaning bills because of the parrot on your shoulder.

Goat Awareness Week begins Wednesday. It's a time for everyone to learn more about goats. So sometime this week try to rent a goat and study it real close. But not too close or it'll eat your hair.
- Actually, you don't need much goat awareness to tell if a goat is nearby -- just a little odor awareness.

Love & Learn

To Be Equal - The international community must act to protect Darfur.

WellNews - A different take on fitness and health news: fun quickies that are actually interesting. A weekly roundup of the latest.

Editorial: The Incident at Haditha - Perhaps only two things can be said with utter certainty about what occurred in the small Euphrates River city of Haditha on the morning of Nov. 19, 2006: What happened was an unspeakable tragedy. And it's getting much worse, says the St.Louis Post-Dispatch.

Shallow Thought

I suppose it had to happen. In the U.S. it is now as easy to buy a gun as it is to buy a politician.

Dear Old Dad

And don't forget to call your father on Father's Day. Just be careful what you call him -- your birthday is coming up.

Revenge & Turtle Trivia

Big News

Al Queda vows to avenge al-Zarqawi's death. We kill their guys, then they kill our guys, then we kill their guys, then they kill our guys. It's the way humans solve problems. It's called staying the course.
- Maybe it's time somebody started thinking outside the course.
- Maybe instead of tough leaders, we should try smart ones.

Turtles & Stuff

The annual Turtle Watch is this week at Jensen Beach, Florida, as residents watch the Green Sea Turtles lay their eggs. Apparently, there's not much to do in Jensen Beach.
- These folks should read my blog. I lay an egg almost every day.

Today's exciting Turtle Trivia Question:
Everybody knows turtles live longer than men. To what do turtles owe their longevity?
Turtles owe their longevity to proper diet and plenty of exercise. They don't eat meat and they go swimming every day.
You almost never see a turtle jogging.
And very few turtles smoke cigarettes.

On June 13th in 1925 Charles Jenkins invented a process to transmit pictures of moving objects. He called it "radio vision," never dreaming that his invention some day would allow society to lay around all weekend and watch millionaires spit.

Alexander the Great died on June 13th in 323 B.C. After conquering Greece, Persia, Tryre, Gaza, and Egypt, Alexander died of exhaustion at age 33. Then, we can assume, he learned to relax.
- It's amazing how death has a way of changing a guy's lifestyle.

Love & Learn

Team Dating: The More, the Merrier - The tenet of the TeamDating concept: Why go out with one person when you can go out with several?

Nature Newswatch - Find another of God's fascinating creatures each week. Great things to look for on family pinics, field trips and outings.

The Brassage - A new bra designed with breast health in mind.

One Happy Hippy - Born in 1975, KT Tunstall missed out altogether on the 1960s, but no matter. The fast-rising Scottish singer-songwriter - who has won favorable comparisons with everyone from Fiona Apple and Dido to Norah and Rickie Lee Jones - is unmistakably a child of that heady decade in spirit, and proud of it.

Today's Horoscope

Aries: Sweat is highlighted. Be sure to use a man's antiperspirant, and don't raise your hands even if you're sure.

Dear Old Dad

My son wants 50 percent of my Father's Day gifts. He says, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be a father.

Pike's Peak Peanut Pushing

Big News

Tropical Storm Alberto, the first named storm of the 2006 Atlantic hurricane season, developed Sunday in the Gulf of Mexico and appeared likely to soak parts of Florida with heavy rain. Florida governor Jeb Bush said, "Bring it on!"
- "A tropical storm is just God's way of washing off all that mud."

June 12th

This is Little League Baseball Week, but I'm not sure I can stand it Little League brings back a lot of bad memories:- Like every time I caught a line drive and wet my pants.
- But it was a blessing in disguise. Otherwise, my coach never would have invented the disposable protective cup.

Actor Jim Nabors was born on June 12th in 1933. Gaw-lee! Gomer’s a geezer.
- Maybe Gomer and Goober will retire to Mayberry and just sit around the gas station and spit.
- Sounds like a great life—unless Barney shows up.

On June 12th in 1880 Worcester's John Raymond pitched baseball's first perfect game against Cleveland. That's why it was perfect -- it was against Cleveland.
- In 1880 pro baseball players were paid with beer. A perfect game was pitching nine innings without falling off the mound.

On June 12th in 1929 Bill Williams of Hondo, Texas, pushed a peanut 22 miles up Pikes Peak with his nose. I don't know if that's a record because it's not listed in the Guinness Book of Records under either Pike's Peak, peanut-pushing, or phenomenal nose achievements.

Love & Learn

Team Dating: The More, the Merrier - The tenet of the TeamDating concept: Why go out with one person when you can go out with several?

Today's Scene - Outdoor eating raises illness risk, but it's not hard to keep diners safe. Take the Healthy Picnic Quiz.

Video Game Reviews - "Odama" and "Outrun 2006: Coast to Coast"

Fitness Forum - Ever since he began equipping gyms with the revolutionary Lifecycle, Augie Nieto has been one of those big wheels of business who keep the fitness world spinning. But as he clings to his life by the most fragile of threads, struggling to comprehend a fatal muscle-wasting disease, a more profound legacy is taking shape.

Senior Advice - Father's Day reunion may shatter 15 years of silence.

Today’s Soap Opera Update:

Today on "All My Childishness," Desiree emails the gas company to see if she can have a guy come by twice a week to read her meter, and the prenuptial agreement that Lance wrote on the back of a Hooters menu may not hold up in court.

Dear Old Dad

My dad's not real affectionate. The last time hugged me I think it was called a half-nelson.