Mom's Proud: Eternal Flame in Potty Chair

Big News

Senate leaders reached a deal Thursday on reviving a broad immigration bill that could provide millions of illegal immigrants a chance to become American citizens. Republicans agreed to debate the bill after Democrats promised to sing, pray, and bash the President only in English.

Do you have a bird feeder in your yard? A bird flu expert says there's no need to stop feeding wild birds. Also -- that thing where you put Jell-O in the bird bath so you can watch 'em bounce -- you can carry on doing that too. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Sunday is Mother’s Day. It seems like only yesterday Mom was telling you to hold your shoulders up and chew your food. As a matter of act, it was yesterday. (Alan Ray)

HaBlog Almanac

On May 12 in 1971, Mick Jagger married Bianca. The hardest part was trusting Keith Richards to hold the ring.

On May 12 in 1984, South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for the first time in 22 years. Without missing a beat, he said "Is that a new outfit?"

Comedian George Carlin was born on May 12 in 1938. George's "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" are now the seven words most often heard on cable.

Florence Nightingale, the mother of modern nursing, was born on May 12 in 1820. Florence taught her students the three basic rules of nursing: keep the patient clean, keep the patient comfortable, and don't laugh when the patient's gown gaps open.
- Florence revolutionized the medical profession. She proved that more lives could be saved if the nurses took care of the patients and the doctors played golf.

Love & Learn

More Is Less for Many Home Entertainment System Users - You need a remote to turn on the TV, and you'll need another to turn on the home-theater receiver, and a third to turn on the cable box. And don't forget the TiVo remote. Our world is becoming more remote.

Baseball Scouts Give Little Attention to Short Pitchers - Of the many things that irked the late Billy Martin, two stood out: players fresh out of college and short pitchers. Unfortunately for Eddie Bane, he was both.

Films in Focus: New & Recent Releases - Quick reviews and rating of newly released films: Mission Impossible III, RV, Stick It, Hard Candy, American Dreamz, Sophie Scholl: The Sentinel, Friends with Money, others.

On Mother's Day

Mother's Day Fun-Liners

Give Mom a special treat on Mother's Day: Actually take her advice.

Mom's always been proud of me. In fact, she still keeps an eternal flame in my old potty chair.

Three important reminders for moms who expect to be served breakfast in bed on Mother's Day:
1. Look very proud.
2. Smile a lot.
3. Remember to pick the Cocoa Puffs out of your cleavage.

Merry Tasmanian Devil Week!

Big News

President Bush hinted Wednesday he may back his brother Jeb for President in 2008. And, of course, the family's hoping Jeb will choose his son Jethro for Vice-President.
- That way, Barbara Bush can continue as First Granny.

Wachovia bank is buying Golden West S&L for 24 billion dollars. It was only supposed to cost 23 billion. But the transaction was made using a convenience store ATM. (Alan Ray)

Thrilling Thursday

Tasmanian Devil Week begins Thursday. More Tasmanian devils are born this week than any other week of the year. Tasmanian devils are marsupials and found only in Tasmania. And I'm glad.

The first political platform was adopted on this day in 1832, a Republican platform for Henry Clay to stand on. But voters preferred a candidate who stood on his own two feet -- and that's exactly how many Andrew Jackson had.

WGY in Schenectady, New York, began the first scheduled TV news programming on this day in 1928. Which is pretty amazing. Back then they didn't even have hairspray.

Mother's Day Fun-Liners


Love & Learn

Don't Put Off Reading This Procrastination Article - Procrastinaton may be fear of failure, even fear of success. But take heart, procrastination can be defeated.

WellNews - A quick weekly roundup of the latest wellness, fitness, and medical news.

Grammar Matters - A new grammar puzzler every week. For kids and parents. Check it out.

Go-Fast Credentials: Dodge Charger Daytona R/T Arrives with Snappy Big-Block Ride - There's nothing like a banana-yellow Dodge Charger Daytona to bring back memories of the late '60s big-block and big-wing muscle cars.

Opinion: Good Game Plan Beats Name Game - Creating regional response centers that include officials from the Defense Department and other federal agencies to plan and train with local and state authorities should help reduce FEMA confusion and turf wars. Clarifying the role of the military in responding to domestic disasters is long overdue. (From The Indianapolis Star)

Obesity Higher than Previous Estimates - Because people tend to fudge the facts about their height and weight, especially in telephone surveys, the researchers concluded that estimates of obesity in individual states have been more than 50 percent too low.

Napping Can Be the Pause that Refreshes - Prepping for an important business meeting? Cramming for a history exam? Training for an upcoming half-marathon? Yawn. Good time to curl up and take a nap.

Et al.

There's a chance for severe thunderstorms, so I hope you've got a surge protector for your Clapper.

I was always cool. I could tie my shoelaces when I was two. I can still do it.

American Babies Must Cry in English

Big News

America may be the world's superpower, but its survival rate for newborn babies ranks near the bottom among modern nations, better only than Latvia. It's not as bad as it sounds, however, since Republican babies do okay.
- Probably because they cry in English.

AOL is laying off about 1,300 employees, or 7 percent of its worldwide work force. As a result, they will only be able to mail out 17 billion CDs a week offering a free month online.

Wonderful Wednesday

Wednesday is Golden Spike Day, marking that fateful day when a tanker truck overturned in New York City and spilled 30,000 gallons of gold paint on Spike Lee.

The Franco-Prussian War ended on May 10 in 1871. The Franco-Prussian War was fought over land, and should not be confused with the Franco-American War which was fought over spaghetti.

Sir Thomas Lipton, the tea genius, was born on May 10 in 1850. He was not the first to grow tea, but he was the first to grow it in little flow-through bags.

Be Kind to Animals Week - Extremely fun ways to show your pets how much you care.

The first American transcontinental railroad was completed on May 10 in 1869. It was finished on time, but the train was late anyway.

Learning Stuff

Patent Offending: Does Legal Ownership of Genes, Stem Cells Go Beyond the Pale? - For the first 150 years of its existence, the nuts and bolts of the U.S. Patent Office was mostly nuts and bolts. But as researchers learned how to isolate and manipulate DNA and other genetic material, it became feasible to ask whether life or its products could be invented and patented.

McBride Makes Visceral Impact with Listeners - It's unusual to hear a Grammy Award-winning jazz artist talk about wanting to emulate Lollapalooza in any way. But Christian McBride isn't your usual jazz artist.

New Furniture, Accessories Make Patio Possiblities Plentiful - Consumers can choose from a wide variety of accessories like rugs, outdoor lighting, serving carts and fireplaces to complement or accent their patio furniture. Style choices are just as abundant - everything from Old World to mid-century modern.

Et al.

It's true. Baseball is as American as mom, apple pie, and handguns.

Do you ever watch Regis and What's Her Name? Do you ever wonder, is Regis on helium?

Freeway traffic moves a two basic speeds: so fast you can't get on and so slow you can't get off.

Gee Haw Whimmy Diddling

Big News

Iran's president wrote to President Bush on Monday proposing a new "diplomatic opening" between the two countries. The U.S. reacted coolly, since President Bush only turns to diplomacy as a last resort.

Nicole Kidman says her divorce from Tom Cruise was a "major shock" -- and, she still loves him. Poor thing. To feel better, maybe she should go on Oprah and jump up and down on Katie Holmes.

HaBlog Almanac

The World Whimmy Diddle Championships are this week in Asheville, North Carolina. It's the only whimmy diddle competition sanction by the World Gee Haw Whimmy Diddle Association. So, whatever you do, don't be fooled by any imitation unsanctioned whimmy diddlers.

The Nazis began their infamous book burnings in Berlin on May 9 in 1933. It was all Hitler's idea. He'd written about it in his book, "Mein Kampfire."

On May 9 in 1903 blacksmith Fred LaRose of Cobalt, Ontario, threw his hammer at a fox and struck silver. Needless to say, the Lone Ranger was furious.
- Actually, Fred discovered the world's largest silver vein; but he didn't know it, so he sold his claim for a paltry $30,000. Which wasn't even enough to pay off the Lone Ranger.

Three Detroit bandits set the world used-watch stealing record on May 9 in 1974. From a Goodwill Industries warehouse they stole 32,500 used watches. This was not smart. All of them had to be reset to daylight saving time.
- Goodwill officials were really ticked off.

Love & Learn

New Furniture, Accessories Make Patio Possiblities Plentiful - Consumers can choose from a wide variety of accessories like rugs, outdoor lighting, serving carts and fireplaces to complement or accent their patio furniture. Style choices are just as abundant - everything from Old World to mid-century modern.

Closeup: Eva Longoria - TV goddess Eva Longoria had never been in a big Hollywood movie before arriving on the set of "The Sentinel," where she would work with Michael Douglas, Kiefer Sutherland and Kim Basinger.

Et al.

I don't want to return to Prohibition. The return of some inhibition might be nice though.

Noses on today's blog were wiped with Puffex, the 200-ply tissue for people who really need to blow.
- And remember, a moist Puffex makes a great emergency snowball.

"I am not a cook." - Richard Nixon

Big News

Steve Nash has won the NBA's Most Valuable Player award for the second straight year. He also easily walked away for the 5th straight year with the NBA's Ugliest Hairdo Award.
- Reportedly, Steve's hair stylist is his pet monkey, Gretzky.

Be Kind to Animals Week

This is Be Kind to Animals Week, so do something nice for your favorite fraternity.

While visiting South America on May 8 in 1958, Vice-President Richard Nixon met an angry mob that pelted him with fruit, vegetables, and eggs. Unperturbed, Nixon gave his famous reply, "I am not a cook!"

An Atlanta pharmacist introduced Coca-Cola to the public on May 8 in 1886. At first, Coke was a medicinal tonic, then it became the world's #1 soft drink. So, I suppose anything can happen. Who knows, some day we all may be smoking Metamucil.

Love and Learn

Ten Great Ways to Celebrate Mother's Day - A mother's love is one of the most powerful forces in this world. Here are 10 memorable ways to celebrate her love this Mother's Day.

Big Like a Buick - There's something about a big Buick with a rumbling V-8 that suits the new Lucerne sedan and the brand. Lucerne is stylish, impressive, comfortable - and large.

Films in Focus: New & Recent Releases - Quick reviews and rating of newly released films: RV, Stick It, Hard Candy, American Dreamz, Sophie Scholl: The Final Days, The Sentinel, Lonesome Jim, Take the Lead, Thank You for Smoking, Ice Age: The Meltdown, and others.

Et al.

When I was a kid, my mother wouldn't let me stay out late. Now I'm an adult and my wife won't let me stay out late.

I sing like a bird. A buzzard.
-Ever hear a buzzard sing? Try to imagine how Bob Dylan would sound right after he ate a dead horse.