"Just Shut up, Harriet!"

Big News

President Bush ordered Harriet Miers to defy a congressional subpoena and refuse to testify Wednesday before a House panel. It's not as bad as it sounds. He said something like, "Just Shut up, Harriet!"
- They're old buddies -- they've been telling each other to shut up for years!

Actually, I'm beginning to like President Bush. It's trying to please all those rich Republicans that makes him look so bad.
- Democratic office holders have it so much easier. If their backers get upset -- who cares? Just a bunch of poor slobs any.
- If George W. Bush cares one iota about his legacy, he'll switch parties tonight!

Mexican telecommunications tycoon Carlos "Slim" Helu is now the richest man in the world. Reportedly, thousands of illegal immigrants in the U.S. who want to go back to Mexico to work for Slim can't get back in.

Bill Gates is learning from Carlos "Slim" Helu and issued a memo for everyone at Microsoft to call him Bill "Feisty" Gates.

The new Harry Potter movie is opening everywhere. I think this is the last one. I don't know that much about Harry Potter since they still haven't released the Cliff Notes versions.

It doesn't look good for John McCain. It's too late for spin doctors to help. It's time to call in the spin priests.

Sorry, I just think the Harry Potter story is more important than any campaign story.

I hold no biases. When it comes to politics, I am an equal opportunity mud-slinger.
- It's the American way.

Love & Learn

Autoword: Kia Rondo - When I first saw the Kia Rondo, I thought it was one homely guppy with the roofline of a hearse. But then I got to know it, and -- Wow! What function?

News Analysis: The Price of Cheating - Here comes that voice again. It's the one that whispers about saying your kid is 11 instead of 12, so he can eat for half-price. Now it's telling you to sneak in your snacks into the theater.

Miley Cyrus Soars! - Miley Cyrus burst onto the nation's entertainment scene this July with a force only a teen bombshell could muster. And I really feel for Dad.

Presidential Slave Tunnel - Not far from where the Declaration of Independence was signed nearly 230 years ago, there stands evidence of the hypocrisy that shrouded the burgeoning nation at its birth.

Shallow Thoughts

There are a lot of foreign students in this country. They're easy to spot. They're the ones going to class.

We just made a will and left everything to the kids. I sure hope they can keep up the payments.

I've never seen so many bugs. Large bugs! I called an exterminator. He crawled under the house and never came out.
- It was horrible! Ever see a sabre-tooth termite?

This is National Nude Recreation Week in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, and National Chicken Days are underway in Wayne, Nebraska. National Chicken Days are for people who are too chicken to participate in National Nude Recreation Week.

Scooter, Laura & the All-Star Spit Pool

Big News

The White House said Monday President Bush will not withdraw forces from Iraq now despite an erosion of support among Republicans for his war policy. Hey, the President is a Republican -- he's not about to start writing his own personal checks to Halliburton.
- "We're still stayin' the course -- we'll just stay the course at home for a while."
- "The mainest thing is: our Mission is Accomplished. We kept the tax cuts."

By the way, rumor has it, Scooter Libby will enjoy loyalty perks for many years to come. Little things. Like Dick Cheney's next grandchild will be named Scooter.
- Not Scooter Cheney. Probably Scooter Halliburton.

You know, Scooter Libby could still talk. I figure there's only one way to shut him up for good -- make him a general.

Since the President refuses to let anyone in his administration testify before Congress about the firings of federal prosecutors, Democrats say they'll subpoena Laura Bush. Laura might want to testify.
- Hey, she might have heard something!
- Laura's not the type of lady to hide behind executive-spouse privilege.

Besides, George is going to be out of work in a couple of years -- he'll be 63 and another three years from Social Security.
- Laura might feel like it's time to make a name for herself.
- Maybe run for the senate from New York or something.
- You can't spend the rest of your life hanging around the library selling T-shirts.

The baseball All Star game is Tuesday in San Francisco. It's at AT&T Park. Everybody at the game will get a collect phone call from Cuba.
- "Ola! Ees Rafael there?"
- "Tell heem Seeester Maria, reader/advisor, has read the goat's breath, and shoes at the ballpark today, on the field and in the stands, will be splattered with 14,743 gallons of tobacco juice."
- "On the ballpark spit pool, go ahead, bet the farm!"

NBA finals MVP Tony Parker and "Desperate Housewives” co-star Eva Longoria were married in France this weekend. It was a marriage made in tabloid heaven.
- They say Eva was such a beautiful bride, half-way through the ceremony Tony went out for a beer and nobody noticed.

Love & Learn

Wentz Lyrics Push Fall Out Boy to Rare Heights - Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz may write emotional lyrics about all sorts of heartbreaky things, but you will not see a tear anywhere near his black-linered eyes.

Answers - Up and down the length and breadth and width of Greater Ponca City people are stirring. They're beginning to ask questions. And, on THIS program, when listeners look deep into their souls and come up with a question, they WILL get an answer!

Hit Your Peak with Super Foods - Edible superstar foods will give your body many of the nutrients it requires to operate at peak performance. Hint: It's not pizza.

Tween 12 and 20: Cool Advice for Teens and Their Parents - Student shouldn't be punished for grades .. Give your father a call .. Teen drivers are not invincible .. American teens use more drugs than Europeans .. Playing favorites hurts .. Drinker is breaking the law ..

Shallow Thoughts

This portion of today's blog is brought to your by Bloat Light, the exciting new beer that makes your belly look like a weather balloon. Hey, it may be light, but it's still beer.

At a nude beach, with my luck, I'd sit on a jellyfish.

Different people handle gray hair in different ways. For example, my wife handles it with tweezers.

Wiffle bullets for today's blog were supplied by the National Humane Rifle Association, the exciting new group for hunters who love guns but prefer to shoot only stuffed animals