Don't Eat the Squirrels!

Big News

Democratic Senator Barack Obama called Thursday for universal health care coverage. Hey, new guy, it's my other body parts that need coverage -- my universal is fine.

Ford lost $12.7 billion last year. That's $4,380 for every car and truck it sold. So, this year, if they make even more cars and trucks -- and keep them -- they'll make a fortune!

New Jersey has warned squirrel hunters near a toxic waste dump about consuming the critters because they could be contaminated with lead. Yeah, and it's really hard to get that tail hair out of your teeth.

More Big News every day at Laughs Today, the Internet's #1 topical comedy site.

Love & Learn

LifeWire - The trend toward employing tall, lean models in advertising is probably here to stay. However, many psychologists suspect more and more young girls have eating disorders as a result of this trend.

Pop Talk: Jazz - World of jazz is thinking small these days.

Autoword - Small car, big world: Chevrolet Aveo not just another econobox.

Money and You - Broker's first loyalty to company, not you.

Sports Fact - First NBA All-Star game won over skeptics .. Sports Fact - Nevers' record stands the test of time ... Sports Fact - Players toss out synthetic basketballs.

A Greener View - Lily varieties save the day .. Moth larvae can destroy squash .. Out with the old, in with the new seed varieties

FYI Travel - Looking for a reason to visit Boston? New art museum gives you one.

Home How To - Hiring a roof contractor .. Repairing vinyl flooring .. Refinishing

Shallow Thoughts

I stopped to eat at a truck stop once -- but my gall bladder wouldn't get out of the car.

A specialist: that's a doctor who went to medical school and flunked all the illnesses except one.

You realize you shouldn't eat while you drive after you hit a pothole and sit there at a stop light with a chicken finger up your nose.

My dog is 14 years old, but he likes to fantasize that he's still young -- so I let him chase my exercise bike.

The Super Bowl proves who is the strongest and toughest -- just like the trash bag commercials.

I'm middle-aged, middle-class, and middle-of-the-road. I feel like that white stuff in the middle of an Oreo.

Republicans Love Hillary

Big News

Iraqi police say nearly 100 people died in violence there Monday. In fact, insurgents are now killing so many people so fast, they may have to take a vacation until more U.S. troops get there.

President Hugo Chavez told U.S. officials to "Go to hell, gringos!" and called Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice "missy" on his weekly radio and TV show this week. In a related story, CIA rumors indicate Iraq's weapons of mass destruction may be hidden in Venezuela.

Republicans are really happy about Hillary's presidential candidacy. It's been sooooo long since Republicans had anything to laugh about.

More Big News every day at Laughs Today, the Internet's #1 topical comedy site.

Love & Learn

Going For It - "Nothing ventured, nothing lost," is the motto of too many of us. Many people are so afraid to fail that they never venture beyond the familiar.

To Be Equal - Minimum wage must be adjusted for inflation.

Travel: Cimarroncita, New Mexico - A step back in time, like historic cowgirls.

Pop Talk - Jerry Lee Lewis' swagger is untamed five decades later.

'Tween 12 and 20 - Daily advice to teens: Don't date until you are ready .. Boyfriend's apartment may be too tempting .. Restriction not reasonable for a single C .. Tips for teens of divorce .. Build your bulk the old-fashioned way ....

Shallow Thoughts

Basketball is America's favorite running sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.

Actually, I enjoy vacuuming. It keeps from hearing about all the other chores my wife wants me to do.

I'm not fat. It's just that my body naturally retains chimachangas.

I suspected it might be cold this morning when I noticed the penguin dancing on my window sill

Please forgive me today; my mind is elsewhere. If you're listening, Mind, would you please give me a call?