Thursday, July 27, 2006

Kinky & Monkey School

Big News

Exxon-Mobil earned $10.4 billion in April, May, and June. They'll need it -- to survive after the November elections.
- And there's just no telling what might happen when Kinky Friedman becomes Leader of the So-Called Free World.

July 28

On July 28 in 1958 an Esso report claimed that listening to rock & roll on a car radio made the driver unconsciously jiggle the gas peddle and waste gasoline. Even worse, drunk drivers listening to polkas could wet their pants.

An outdoor rock concert starring the Grateful Dead drew 600-thousand fans at Watkins Glen, New York, on July 28 in 1973. The fans left an incredible mess, but promoters say the place should be completely cleaned up soon.

The Olympic Summer Games began in Los Angeles on July 28 in 1984. What a dramatic moment when they lit the Olympic torch at the L.A. Coliseum, and 100-thousand onlookers bowed their heads to pray that the smog wouldn't catch fire.

On July 28 in 1586 potatoes were introduced into Ireland, originally to be fed to animals. It seems so strange to imagine someone in a barn in Ireland, saying to a cow, "And would you be likin' fries with that?"

Love & Learn

Aging Lifestyles - Will writing is a family affair.

Points on Pets - Cat food should have all the needed vitamins..

Sports Unlimited - On-field insults require thick skin, not thick head.

Films in Focus: New & Recent Releases - Quick reviews and rating of newly released films: Lady in the Water, You, Me and Dupree, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, The Devil Wears Prada, Superman Returns, Waist Deep, Click, Nacho Libre, Cars, A Prairie Home Companion, The Breakup.

Shallow Thoughts

Remember the first rule of picnic etiquette: Never talk with a watermelon in your mouth.

Summer TV is a lost cause. They're rerunning the reruns they reran during the spring reruns.

And remember, if caffeine is outlawed, only outlaws will get jittery.

American politics is more fun that a barrel of monkeys that dropped out of monkey school.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Blatant Insanity and Fun

Big News

A Danish model accused of hitting a flight attendant on a plane from Amsterdam to Miami must participate in an anger management program. Plus, she will get free salted peanuts on all future international flights but nothing to drink.

July 26th

On July 26th in 1979, nine men who had been pushing a hospital bed around Scotland for 36 days set a new hospital bed pushing record of 3,233 miles. Then they all went directly back to the asylum.

The FBI was founded on July 26th in 1908. J. Edgar Hoover personally participated in research and development during his career with the Bureau. When he stepped down, he was experimenting with a bullet-proof camisole.
- Sort of a flak-teddy.

Singer Mick Jagger was born on July 26thy in 1943. Mick weighed almost eight pounds when he was born. Seven of it was mouth.
- But I have to admit, Mick really throws himself into a song. He’s not just offering it lip-service.

Benjamin Franklin became the first U.S. Postmaster on July 26th in 1775, but he didn't keep the job long. When he asked for a raise, Congress told him to go fly a kite.

Love & Learn

To Be Equal - Boost Mexican economy to slow flow over the border.

Lifewire - Some things you should know about eyestrain.

Autoword: Mustang Magic - It's new, better - and packed with memories of old.

Lloyd Grove: Gossip - All shook up over Dakota's "Hound Dog."

Shallow Weather Thoughts

The worst thing about summer heat is that people of all shapes and sizes feel obliged to wear shorts.

We could sure use a nice cold snap about now, but I suppose that's about as likely as a sumo wrestler finding the perfect Speedo.

Monday, July 24, 2006

My Heroes Have Always Been Hairy

Big News

A new study says cookie lovers seem more likely to eat apples and other fruits than salty snacks. I can't believe it. Apparently, we are finally running out of things to study.
- What's next? Do conservatives prefer chewing gum on the right side or the left?

July 25th

Comic Roseanne Barr sang "The National Anthem" and then spit and scratched herself at a San Diego Padres game on July 25th in 1990. It was so embarrassing, the San Diego Chicken left town and changed his name.

Annie Oakley Days are this week in Greenville, Ohio. Annie was a great shot. She could shoot a cigarette out of your mouth. Wherever she went, people quit smoking cold turkey.

The Roman Emperor Flavius Constantius died on July 25th in 306. Flavius was most famous for dumping his wife, St. Helena, to marry Theodora. It was a scandalous affair, the talk of the empire -- front page news in The National Stone Tablet.
- Boy, was it heavy on Sunday!

Actor Walter Brennan was born on July 25th in 1894. Brennan lost all of his teeth in World War I, yet still gummed his way to three Academy Awards. He was one of the first actors to appear in movies with a nude mouth.

Love & Learn

Underage and Overlooked - Summer, filled with parties and trips to the beach, is prime time for teenage drinking.

Decor Score - Working with a bathroom designer.

Today's Lifestyle - Luxurious bedding is both cozy and attractive.

Shallow Thoughts

When a baseball player hits a triple, we call him a hero. When a softball player does it, we call 9-1-1.

My heroes have always been hairy: Lassie ... Chewbacca ... Willie Nelson......

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Wonder Woman & Wonder Mormon

July 24th

Monday is Lynda Carter's birthday. She was TV's "Wonder Woman," a positive role model for girls growing up in the '70s, unless they took the show literally. In which case they'd want to fight crime in a strapless top with metallic blue hot pants.

Today's exciting Wonder Woman trivia question.
- Just who was Wonder Woman anyway?
- Wonder Woman was an Amazon princess with the beauty of Aphrodite, the wisdom of Athena, the strength of Hercules, and the speed of Mercury who came to America to fight World War II and sell lipstick.
- Wonder Woman's creator, William Moulton Marston, also invented the lie detector, so obviously everything he wrote about Wonder Woman was true.

Brigham Young entered the Salt Lake Valley on July 24th in 1847. He came from Missouri hoping to create a heaven on earth; but as fate would have it, his wives found him.

On July 24th in 1959 Vice President Richard Nixon and Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev held a public debate in the model kitchen of a U.S. exhibit in Moscow. The debate was declared a draw, but Nixon still had to wash the dishes.

Love & Learn

Money and You - A few books about finance speak volumes; others flunk.

The Kinks' Davies Now a Budding Solo Star - Talent and stubbornness. Sophistication and naivete. Raunchy rock and urbane jazz. Personal and universal. Sly and melancholic. Slippery and direct. Rock legend Ray Davies opens up about his past, present and future.

Film Closeup: Paul Giamatti - Paul Giamatti stars in the thriller “Lady in the Water.”

Video Game Reviews - "Stacked With Daniel Negreanu" and "Big Brain Academy."

Smart Alec Thoughts

I'm so straight I've been banned from TV talk shows.

I'm a liberal hawk. I see nothing wrong with using nuclear weapons as long as it's done in a humane way.

Just when I think I'm beginning to understand the Lebanon situation, President Bush explains it again.

Hair for today's blog was supplied by Howard Stern's Peel 'n Stick Hair: for legs, for back, underarms, anywhere you want to be hairier.