Scooter, Scooter....

Big News, but Without Team Coverage

Scooter Libby was indicted Friday on five counts of the usual government stuff. Hopefully, they won't be too hard on the guy. He's been punished enough just going through life being called "Scooter."
- Give him a choice, 30 years hard time or six months in the same cell with Lyndie England.

Super Saturday

Saturday is Laugh A Lot Suddenly For No Reason Day.

Standard time resumes Sunday morning at 2:00. I realize most radio and TV people will say "Sunday morning at 2:00 a.m.," but since this is a high-class blog, I will assume you know morning is a.m.
- At bedtime Saturday night, most folks will set their clocks, watches, and roosters back one hour.

So Much to Learn

Car Color Trivia - The color of car a driver chooses reflects their personality and perhaps their favorite color. But the choice of color in a vehicle can be much more important as well.

I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death my right to make fun of you.

Frankenstein Friday

News You Won't Find on Mainstream Blogs

Conservative Christian Harriet Miers on Thursday withdrew as a nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court because conservative Christians didn't want her. Makes you wonder. If politics makes strange bedfellows, who are conservative Christians in bed with?

Many Floridians are struggling to find food, water and fuel after Hurricane Wilma. It's especially tough for gas station operators, who don't have electricity to jack up gas prices.

Exxon-Mobil's 3rd quarter profit ballooned 75 percent to $9.9 billion. Of course, the company is so ashamed of amassing such outrageous profits, they'll be giving gasoline away free any century now.
- Just be patient....

Fabtastic Friday

Friday is Frankenstein Friday, a day to remember author Mary Shelley, would created the monster, and actor Boris Karloff, who played him in the movie.

Today Bill Gates turns 50. Let's everybody e-mail him the dancing frog, okay?

The Women's National Finals Rodeo is this weekend in Fort Worth, Texas. It's just like the men's rodeo, except the women ride only female bulls. Which can be found only in Texas.

On Friday, the Statue of Liberty has been standing in New York Harbor 119 years. She'd like to sit down, but her dress is too tight

Love & Learn

Last-Minute Makeup Completes the Perfect Halloween Costume - For a child, makeup is a safer and more comfortable than a Halloween mask, and it's easy, inexpensive, and scary.

Thoughts While Shaving

Okay, I have a million awesome clipart images. Now what?

Now today's psychic forecast. This afternoon clouds will creep subtly across your skies like grease down the side of your stove that you never see until you move the refrigerator.

The Great Doughnut Debate

News You Won't Hear on Rush Lamebaugh

At last report, the federal grand jury investigating the leak of a CIA officer's identity still had not taken any action. Either that, or the guys who usually leak secret grand jury stuff are afraid to take a leak.

Janet Jackson says in no uncertain terms she is not the mother of a secret child. Well, you'd think she would know.
- I'm a man, of course, but childbirth is not one of those things I'd forget.

Thursday Looks Thrilling

Thursday is Cranky Co-Workers Day, a day when everybody at work is encouraged to be cranky. Unfortunately, most cranky co-workers don't have to be encouraged.

Fun History

The Great Doughnut Debate was held on October 27, 1947, to decide once and for all who invented the doughnut hole.
- Originally, the doughnut was simply a fried cake with a nut in the middle. Hence the name, dough nut.
- Chief High Eagle claimed a Cape Cod housewife had been cooking fried cakes when an Indian tried to killer her, and the arrow missed the woman and, instead, killed her fried cake, leaving quite a hole in the middle.
- But the judges ruled in favor of 15-year-old Hanson Gregory of Clam Cove, Maine, who in 1847 allegedly punched the centers out of his mother's fried cakes because "the centers were never cooked done anyway."
- The judges apparently felt the Indian story was just too full of holes.

Love & Learn

Wacky Spiders: A Fun Halloween Craft for Kids - Quick and simple, can be done with a crowd if necessary, and an excellent way to practice fine motor skills with younger children. Older kids create some really wacky spiders!

Such Wisdom

The college experience has its highs and lows: the kids’ grades are too low and their blood alcohol level is too high.
- These days college kids spend less time taking classroom tests and more time taking breathalyzer tests.

Thoughts While Shaving

The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe Fox was right, maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Roller Derby. Maybe we need Sumo Hockey.

By tomorrow's blog, I hope to have completed my latest ebook entitled, "Why People with Multiple-Pierced Ears Have A Holier Than Thou Attitude."

Stop and Smell Something!

News You Won't Get at the Checkout Counter

The Iraqi government announced Tuesday its constitution was adopted by a majority in the October 15 referendum. Angry Sunnis vowed next time to rent Florida's voting machines.

Civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks has died at age 92. At dinner Tuesday in heaven, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave Rosa his seat at the table.

Wonderful Wednesday

Wednesday is Workaholic Stop and Smell Something Day, a day for workaholics to consider what they might be missing.

Future Farmers are stopping this week to smell Louisville.

The National Future Farmers of America convention is underway in Louisville, Kentucky. The future of farming looks really exciting — especially next year when they kick off the NASCAR Plowing Circuit.
- Never thought you'd see a parachute on a tractor, huh?
- You'll know the times are a-changing, America, when tomorrow's FFA guys climb the fence carrying their laser Burdeezos and you see all those bulls crossing their legs.

"Wheel of Fortune" host Pat Sajak is 59 on Wednesday. Reportedly, Pat's having to sleep on the couch a lot these days. His wife says she still loves him, but every morning just before dawn he keeps trying to give her a final spin.

Actress Jaclyn Smith is 58 today. Of all the old Charlie's Angels, she's my favorite. She's so beautiful, and so nice, and I think it's wonderful how she donates all her old clothes to K-mart.

Love & Learn

Growing Gorgeous Amaryllis Indoors - Amaryllis flowers are gorgeous, and they come at a perfect time of year -- when our gardens are sleeping!

Thoughts While Shaving

If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back then seemed funnier than the ones who stick earrings in their noses today.

This week on TV, "60 Minutes" interviews a reformed politician who used to tell lies half the time, but now he tells the truth half the time.

Who Could Forget Crazy George?

Monday was a very slow news day at HaBlog, since we don't cover hurricanes and no Republicans were indicted.

Tuesday Is Special

Tuesday is Punk for A Day Day, a special day for all punk pretenders, sometimes called punkocrits.

George the 3rd became King of England on October 25 in 1860. George was not only insane, he was crazy.
- His brain leaked.
- His hard drive crashed and his floppies flopped.
- He needed practice to be bananas.
- For a king he was about average.

The world's greatest sword swallower was born in Ireland on October 25 in 1904. Alex Linton set the world record of swallowing four 27-inch swords simultaneously. Alex also set the world record for internal bleeding.
- There are two ways to get four blades into your body simultaneously: swallow swords or walk through downtown at midnight.

Today's exciting sword swallowing trivia question:

Is there a trick to swallowing a sword safely?
- Yes, in fact, there are two tricks to safe sword swallowing. First, always use very dull swords.
- And, second, always begin by eating a can of Crisco.
- The safest place to swallow swords is in or near a blood bank.

Love & Learn

Your Best Visual Aid as Public Speaker - Preparing for a presentation with the use of visual aids can often overlook the obvious visual.

Entertainment Tonight

Tonight's TV movie stars John Goodman as a singing cowboy. In the exciting climax, John lays in wait atop a mountain pass, and when the bad guys ride by, John pounces on them while singing, "I've Got A Crush On You."

The preceding blog was intended solely for the astonishment of our audience. Any resemblance to an actual blog, living or dead, is purely preposterous.

How Many Worms Would It Take...

Voted Blog of the Month by the Fond du Lac Society of Antique Clapper Collectors!

News You Won't Find in Mainstream Tattoo Parlors

Hurricane Wilma is churning toward Florida. But no more hurricane jokes here. Hurricanes are no longer funny.
- Besides, there will be no TV coverage anyway because all the reporters are mildewing.

The British government said Sunday that a British parrot had died of bird flew. Reportedly, the parrot's last words were, "Polly wants a Tamiflu cracker NOW!"
- It was terrible. A parrot with a runny beak is not pretty.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist says a federal investigation into his stock transactions will affect his decision on seeking presidency in 2008. Yeah, I guess campaigning from the slammer does sort of limit the photo-ops.

Monday Is a Supertastic Day

Monday is Share a Pop-Tart with Someone You Love Day.
- I could do that. A Little Debbie snack cake, never! But I could share a Pop-Tart.

Monday is Independence Day in Zambia, a south central African nation larger than Texas with 9-million people. Zambians are not only independent, but their leaders are elected and they now have a two-party system. So they’re just as free and frustrated as we are.

Rolling Stones' bass guitarist Bill Wyman is 69 on Monday. It must be rough on the road with the Stones. There's always a chance you could see Keith Richards when he first wakes up.

Love & Learn

Finding the Perfect Dog - Purchasing a puppy from a breeder can be fraught with risks, but a good dog breeder can help you find a perfect part of your family.

Such Uncanny Wisdom

Only in America would people pay $69.95 for a toaster-oven that automatically burns your waffle.

I thought about becoming a TV meteorologist, but I can't smile and give a hurricane warning at the same time.

I think it may be a strange winter. Yesterday I saw a squirrel knitting a woolly-bear Afghan.-You can't help but wonder how many worms it takes.

Tomorrow watch for canny wisdom.