Time Off for Good Behavior & Cleavage
Big News
Republican Senator John Warner says he may back the next Democratic bill on withdrawal from Iraq. Wow, at that rate, by the time enough Republicans back withdrawal, there'll be nobody left to withdraw.
- Of course, I have to be honest. I might be more pro war if I was also making a million dollars a minute in Iraq.
Word is Republicans are beginning to swift boat Nancy Pelosi -- so she must be doing something right.
Now let's see... We, the United States of America, the most powerful force in the world, we attack Iraq, a little dinky nation with oil ... we wipe out their air force and navy in 37 minutes, we send their soldiers into spider holes and scatter their police officers... And over four years later we decide we don't like the guy we backed to be their president ...
- And it's ALL HIS FAULT??
- And Republicans believe they are tougher on defense??
- Where'd all these folks go to school, Cockamamie Junior College?
- HOMER W. SIMPSON could have had us out of Iraq three years ago!
Lindsay Lohan was given a one-day jail sentence for two drunk-driving arrests in Beverly Hills. She'll serve a half hour a week for 48 weeks. But with time off for good behavior and cleavage, she'll probably be released after an hour and 20 minutes.
Love & Learn
Opinion: Lindsay Lohan Should Learn a Few Real World Lessons: - For weeks I've refrained from joining the Lindsay Lohan debate and refused to crack bad jokes (like saying "Lindsay: Fully Loaded" is her best movie). I can pretend no longer. For Lindsay's sake, I must speak out.
Ask the Ethics Guy - When you're feeling down, overwhelmed, or just plain angry at the world, here's a great way to develop an attitude of gratitude.
Fans Adore the 'Supernanny.' - Born Joanne and nicknamed Jo-Jo, Jo Frost laughs at the idea that she has become the Martha Stewart of child care. Turns out she's not only smart, but a natural delight. And parents will certainly want to check out her top 10 rules for creating a happy family life.
Jerry Jones Gambles Again - The latest gamble by wildcatter Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys might be quite a doozy.
To Honor Their Souls - This is the story of Katherine Lawes, the wife of the warden of Sing Sing prison. Wardens lasted about two years at Sing Sing. Thanks to Katharine, Lewis Lawes was warden for 21 years.
Shallow Thoughts
Don't you just love TV sitcoms? They even laugh at the jokes for you.
Thank goodness the kids are getting back to school -- where they're trained to handle riots.
The first rule of parenting: If the child succeeds, I want the credit. If he fails, it's the school's fault.
This may not be a great day. I put my shorts on backwards, brushed my teeth with Prep-H, and my parakeet called me JellyBelly
Our office is finally smoke-free. They shot the last smoker yesterday.
You know your arteries are getting a little woody when you're sitting in your car with the garage door open, and you're not sure if you're going someplace, or if you just got home.
Back home, it's "Bat Night" at the ballpark. All the fans have to watch the game hanging upside-down.
Now, today's intriguing cosmetic surgery question. If you have liposuction, should you put it under your pillow for the Fat Fairy?
Republican Senator John Warner says he may back the next Democratic bill on withdrawal from Iraq. Wow, at that rate, by the time enough Republicans back withdrawal, there'll be nobody left to withdraw.
- Of course, I have to be honest. I might be more pro war if I was also making a million dollars a minute in Iraq.
Word is Republicans are beginning to swift boat Nancy Pelosi -- so she must be doing something right.
Now let's see... We, the United States of America, the most powerful force in the world, we attack Iraq, a little dinky nation with oil ... we wipe out their air force and navy in 37 minutes, we send their soldiers into spider holes and scatter their police officers... And over four years later we decide we don't like the guy we backed to be their president ...
- And it's ALL HIS FAULT??
- And Republicans believe they are tougher on defense??
- Where'd all these folks go to school, Cockamamie Junior College?
- HOMER W. SIMPSON could have had us out of Iraq three years ago!
Lindsay Lohan was given a one-day jail sentence for two drunk-driving arrests in Beverly Hills. She'll serve a half hour a week for 48 weeks. But with time off for good behavior and cleavage, she'll probably be released after an hour and 20 minutes.
Love & Learn
Opinion: Lindsay Lohan Should Learn a Few Real World Lessons: - For weeks I've refrained from joining the Lindsay Lohan debate and refused to crack bad jokes (like saying "Lindsay: Fully Loaded" is her best movie). I can pretend no longer. For Lindsay's sake, I must speak out.
Ask the Ethics Guy - When you're feeling down, overwhelmed, or just plain angry at the world, here's a great way to develop an attitude of gratitude.
Fans Adore the 'Supernanny.' - Born Joanne and nicknamed Jo-Jo, Jo Frost laughs at the idea that she has become the Martha Stewart of child care. Turns out she's not only smart, but a natural delight. And parents will certainly want to check out her top 10 rules for creating a happy family life.
Jerry Jones Gambles Again - The latest gamble by wildcatter Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys might be quite a doozy.
To Honor Their Souls - This is the story of Katherine Lawes, the wife of the warden of Sing Sing prison. Wardens lasted about two years at Sing Sing. Thanks to Katharine, Lewis Lawes was warden for 21 years.
Shallow Thoughts
Don't you just love TV sitcoms? They even laugh at the jokes for you.
Thank goodness the kids are getting back to school -- where they're trained to handle riots.
The first rule of parenting: If the child succeeds, I want the credit. If he fails, it's the school's fault.
This may not be a great day. I put my shorts on backwards, brushed my teeth with Prep-H, and my parakeet called me JellyBelly
Our office is finally smoke-free. They shot the last smoker yesterday.
You know your arteries are getting a little woody when you're sitting in your car with the garage door open, and you're not sure if you're going someplace, or if you just got home.
Back home, it's "Bat Night" at the ballpark. All the fans have to watch the game hanging upside-down.
Now, today's intriguing cosmetic surgery question. If you have liposuction, should you put it under your pillow for the Fat Fairy?
posted by Joe Hickman at 3:24 PM
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