The Unfinished Blog

Big News

A rebellious Senate committee defied President Bush Thursday and approved terror-detainee legislation he vowed to block. The President reportedly asked Cheney to arrange a quick fact-finding trip for rebellious Senators to Guantanamo.
- And cut off their Halloween gifts from Halliburton.

A Connecticut mom has given birth to a 14 pound 13 ounce baby boy. Wow, don't you know that takes a lot out of you?

September 15th Now & Then

Today is Independence Day in Guatemala. Guatemalans will all give their llamas a bath and then take time to stop and smell the roses. Which is possible only after the llamas have had their baths.

On this day in 1978 Muhammad Ali beat heavyweight champion Leon Spinks. That same day, somewhere, Mike Tyson was teething on his babysitter.

On this day in 1949 "The Lone Ranger" premiered on ABC-TV. The tough thing about riding off into the sunset in a mask: It’s harder to hide your identity when everybody sees your tan lines.

Movie writer-director Oliver Stone is 60 today. In his new movie, "JFK-2," Oliver proves that President Kennedy was shot by the Warren Commission to cover up its affair with Marilyn Monroe on the grassy knoll.
- It's more believable than the original "JFK" because it's animated.

Oliver Stone now believes his own birth was a conspiracy and his parents did not act alone.

Love & Learn

Lloyd Grove: Gossip - Aguilera hit by a Vibe Brown-out.

When Your Body Breaks Down, It Could Be from Stress - Stress isn't just tight neck muscles, tension headaches and irritability. Stress can give you acne, indigestion and insomnia.

Sports Roundup - For sports fans and video gamers, 'Madden 2007' is as real as it gets.

Make Sure Generosity Is Not Misplaced - Older folks love to donate to the less fortunate, and that's a good thing - and a bad thing.

Shallow Thoughts

For the first time in months I'm completely dry. Either it's getting cooler or I ran out of sweat.

Boy, am I glad summer is almost gone. I can't wait to exhale and let my gut hang out again.

The preceding blog was rated "Ho-Hum" by the National Association of People Who Occasionally Nod Off Because They Have Trouble Getting Excited About Anything Anymore.

Stay the Course Somewhere

Big News

Supreme Iranian leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei told the visiting Iraqi prime minister Wednesday that the way to end instability in Iraq is for U.S. forces to withdraw. President Bush said it could happen -- U.S. forces could withdraw from Iraq -- through Iran.
- Doesn't really matter that much -- as long as we stay the course somewhere.

September 14th Now & Then

Actress Faith Ford is 42 today. She’s the tall beauty from "Hope & Faith" who walked funny and played Corky Sherwood on "Murphy Brown." The folks back home in Louisiana are so proud of her, they named a swamp after her.

Actor Clayton Moore, who became famous as The Lone Ranger, was born on this day in 1914. It was sad. Before he died at age 85, Moore had to wear a trifocal mask.
- And poor Silver kept getting oats stuck under his dentures.

Two monumental events in music history occurred on this date. In 1814 Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star Spangled Banner," and in 1955 Little Richard recorded "Tutti Fruitti."
- Personally, I think it should be a national holiday.

A Russian rocket became the first man-made object to reach the moon on this date in 1959. Traditional theories that the moon was made of green cheese were confirmed when the rocket's microphone picked up the sound of a rat burping.

Love & Learn

The Alert Consumer - Annual college rankings: more an art than a science.

TV Closeup - Nora Dunn plays quirky real estate agent Michelle Graybar in the drama “Three Moons Over Milford.”

Today's Scene - In its “Missed Connections” section, the Web site Craigslist.com gives the lovelorn another chance to find that someone who got away.

A Greener View - Pruning: Time heals all wounds; air and dryness help

Shallow Thoughts

Before you know it, it'll be autumn and Election Day. Squirrels will be gathering nuts and we'll be electing them.

Why do they call it office "politics?" I mean, in your office, have they ever held an election?

This just in. Police today arrested a karate expert for wearing his black belt in public. That's all he was wearing.

Bin Laden Wino of the Year

Big News

Syrians fought off an attack by suspected al-Qaeda terrorists against the U.S. Embassy in Damascus on Tuesday. Osama bin Laden immediately released a new tape vowing death to all Syrian-Americans.
- Bin Laden said, after chugalugging a goatskin flask of camel-hump wine, "We must stay the course until everybody in the whole world is blown to smithereens."
- Actually, "Smithereens" is a loose translation."

September 13th Now & Then

County and state fairs begin this week in many areas. I love fair food. I always have a balanced meal: a corny dog, French fries, and a funnel cake. Grease, grease, and grease.
- It would be heaven if they could only find a way to fry cotton candy.
- I loved the 4-H Club Fair back home. My favorite part was riding the bumper cows.

The British won the French and Indian War in Quebec on this day in 1759. Thus all American Indians became British instead of French, except those who later became Yankees or learned Spanish.
- You can see why the Indians didn't like what was going on. In fact, some Indians still have reservations.

Nice guy Milton Hershey was born on this date in 1857. He built a chocolate empire, then gave it to an orphanage. He also gave us Hugs and Kisses and a city in Pennsylvania that makes my mouth water.
- I can drink his chocolate syrup right out of the squeeze bottle.

A rhinoceros was first seen in New York City on this day in 1926. To most people, a rhinoceros would be a fearsome creature. Not to New Yorkers. The rhino wasn't there 15 minutes before someone tried to steal his hubcaps.

Love & Learn

TV: A true reflection, or just a funhouse mirror? - The soiled saga of John Mark Karr and JonBenet Ramsey imploded into little more than the typical "shark-bite" fare that enthralls the media in summer; particularly the cable news networks. But cable news insults its own viewers by assuming they won't stand for stories of complexity and depth.

Arts & Leisure - In 'Ella,' Broadway's Tina Fabrique brings immortal Ella Fitzgerald to life.

A Greener View - Pruning: Time heals all wounds; air and dryness help.

Lifewire - Questions in the fight against SARS virus.

Et al.

Women are always asking me out. They say, "Will you please leave?"

The weather is cooler, gas prices are dropping. And just when things are looking up, here comes another TV season.

Today's Safety Tip for Joggers:

Remember, when jogging at night it's a good idea to wear a Hartz 3-In-1 tick collar, which not only reflects oncoming headlights and protects you from ticks, but also might make potential muggers think you're too weird to mess with.

All Babies Must Cry in English

Big News

I was a little disappointed in the President's speech remembering 9-11. I thought surely he would read "My Pet Goat."

September 12th Now & Then

The inventor of the machine gun, Richard Gatling, was born on this date in 1816. He got the idea one day when he was making dinner and accidentally spilled gun powder in his pasta maker.

The Albigenses (Al-buh-gen'seez) were defeated at Muret on this date in 1213. The Albigenses were vegetarians in southern France who also were against sex and cheese. No wonder they were defeated -- they had nothing to fight for.

On this day in 1922 the Episcopal Church deleted the word "obey" from the marriage vows. Church officials reasoned that it simply was not morally proper to force a bride to lie at her wedding.

Actor William Boyd died on this date in 1972. Boyd played Hopalong Cassidy in 66 feature movies and scores of TV shows. He's was Hollywood's most successful non-singing cowboy. Which, actually, the cows preferred because he didn't keep them awake at night with all that campfire foolishness.
- Roy Rogers' cows were always yawning.
- Gene Autry's cows were always chewing their Doublemint.

Love & Learn

Dorm Room Diet - The temptation of all-you-can-eat in college dining halls can translate to extra pounds for students.

Arts & Leisure - In 'Ella,' Broadway's Tina Fabrique brings immortal Ella Fitzgerald to life.

Bush Got the Basic Counterterrorism Strategy Right - Compile every reasoned criticism of the Bush administration's conduct of the war against terrorism and one undisputable fact remains: In the five years since the catastrophe of 9/11, the United States has not been attacked again.

TV: A true reflection, or just a funhouse mirror? - The soiled saga of John Mark Karr and JonBenet Ramsey imploded into little more than the typical "shark-bite" fare that enthralls the media in summer; particularly the cable news networks. But cable news insults its own viewers by assuming they won't stand for stories of complexity and depth.

Now, today's higher education tip:

Remember, college is not for everyone -- because everyone can't kick a football 50 yards in the air.

Shallow Thoughts

It's still awfully hot to play football. By halftime, the cheerleaders' mascara is running down their legs.

Have you noticed? No matter what part of the world they're from, all babies cry in English.

To Carol Burnette & Tarzan

Big News

Al Gore said Sunday he hasn't ruled out a second run for the White House. Tipper says if he doesn't lose some weight, he wouldn't be running so much as rolling.
- Besides, it's getting almost impossible to dance close.

September 11th Now & Then

Henry Hudson discovered the Hudson River on this date in 1609. What's so amazing is that millions of Native Americans had never discovered the Hudson River during all those centuries they were washing their buffaloes in it.

"The Carol Burnett Show" premiered on CBS-TV on this day in 1967. It was embarrassing for a while. Every week Tarzan kept showing up trying to get Carol to go swinging with him.
- Tarzan so wanted to try harmony yelling.
- Unfortunately, Carol was allergic to monkeys.

On this day in 1723 Dr. Daniel Turner became the first American physician to receive and honorary doctoral degree. An honorary doctor is not the same as a real doctor. An honorary doctor cannot collect a fee for dispensing incorrect medical advice -- a real doctor can.

Anthony Perkins died on this day in 1992. He was famous for his movie portrayal of Norman Bates, who dressed up like his mother and murdered people -- sort of a cross between Jack the Ripper and Dame Edna.

Love & Learn

Today's Kid Scene - Safety first: Children need helmets to avoid brain damage.

Baseball Changes - Baseball is boring. The players make too much money and have everything too easy. These proposed rule changes will make the game much more interesting.

Decor Score - Kids can live large in a small bedroom.

'Tween 12 and 20 - Substance abuse affects the sexes differently .. Guy is using you for sex .. Self-esteem plays a role in sexual activity .. Lung cancer is slow to develop .. Allowances help kids learn how to manage money .. Be very attentive to signs of suicide .. Show the world and don't elope .. Protest offensive films ..

Shallow Thoughts

Ohio State went through the Texas defense faster than a pay raise through Congress.

Remember, in a hurricane the average hairspray is just not that effective.

Angelina Jolie is coming out with an exercise video. It’s called "You'll Never Look As Good As I Do, No Matter How Hard You Exercise!"