Woollywormology?

Saturday is National Grouch Day, a day to be grumpy, ungrateful, and cantankerous, sponsored by students and teachers at Carter Middle School in Clio, Michigan.

And isn't odd they scheduled Grouch Day on Saturday? So the kids can be grumpy at home.

The annual Woolly Worm Festival is Saturday in Banner Elk, North Carolina. Can't you just see all those Banner Elkers out there .. getting ready for the big show .. brushing their woolly worms?

I wonder how you get to be a woolly worm judge?

To Love:

To love requires walking with God, because God is love.

I try to walk with Him, but I'm so easily distracted, many times I can't keep up. Or I wander off.

I search for reasons for my wandering or some special spiritual truth to explain it. Oswald Chambers tells me "spiritual truth is learned by atmosphere, not by intellectual reasoning. God's spirit alters the atmosphere of our way of looking at things."

And things begin to be possible that were never possible before.

Walking with God and learning to love means uniting with Him just as Jesus united Himself with His Father.

It will take a long time, but the more we hang around Him, the more we begin to see it is possible.

Not because we love Him, but because He loves us.

Wow.

To Learn

Take a Shot at Preventing the Flu - It's time for your flu shot to avoid getting very sick this winter.

Mental Wandering

It's hard to relate to this high-tech world when your grandchild says her Tinker Toys need more memory.

Autumn

You know it's going to be a rough autumn when you go out for the paper in the morning and a squirrel throws an acorn at you.

Yes, this is the time of year when we see these squirrelly creatures romping around, shaking their tails all over the place -- but enough about the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

Proud to Be a Frump!

Stuff You Won't Hear on Rush Limbaugh

The weather in New England is so scary you'd think it was produced by Stephen King.

And I think it's going to be a rough winter. I just saw a squirrel burying a can of chicken soup.

Fox has cancelled Paris Hilton's reality TV series, the "Simple Life." Oh well, Fox was never really comfortable with reality anyway.
- Now Paris has to find another way to get TV exposure. Probably her best shot is to have an affair with Tom Cruise.
- And/or Katie Holmes.

Yea Frumps!

Friday is National Frump Day, honoring frugal, responsible, unpretentious, mature people everywhere.

I was not always a Frump. I had to grow into it.
- And to be honest, I'm still not that responsible.
- So I guess I'm more of a Fump with a goal.

History Is Such Fun

Hassan ibn-ali Nizam-al-Mulik died in Iran on October 14, 1092. He's one of my favorite Persian statesmen. It's such a hoot collecting Persian statesmen trading cards.

Actor Roger Moore is 77 on Friday. First he was "The Saint," then James Bond. Now he's just a retired spy trying to find his prunes coupon.

So Much to Learn

Learn to Be Yourself, Trust Yourself - Some people live as it they're playing a role, and the role keeps them from knowing who they really are.

Wisdom, Self-Help

Real courage is a willingness to attack spaghetti in public.

Today's horoscope. Leo: Prepare for a rough winter. Pick up a jumbo box of Kleenex and a good nose spray. And stay away from birds.

Now, today's Truckstop Tip. Remember, before ordering strawberry shortcake at a truckstop, be sure they're not out of whipped cream. Otherwise, they'll put gravy on it.

The Five W's: Why? Why? Why? Why? And Why?

The Energy Department says winter heating bills may be 50 percent higher, with the sharpest increases for those who burn natural gas. Elderly Americans can offset the cost, however, by burning all that junk mail explaining the new Medicare prescription drug plan.

Of course, no reporter asked the most important question of all: Why?

Why will heating bills go up? No shortage of natural gas is expected. Then WHY?

Why have reporters stopped asking why?

What's a Pandemic?

The United States and the World Health Organization on Wednesday warned the economic impact from a flu pandemic would be enormous. Like what? Most of the millions killed might have huge unpaid credit card bills?
- There'll be nobody to bury all those dead chickens?
- There'd be nobody left to contribute to political candidates?

By the way, for those whose dictionary washed away, a "pandemic" is the same as an "epidemic," only fatter.

I had to look it up. I wasn't here in 1918.

Almost Everything

Apple Computer on Wednesday introduced a new iPod that will do everything. Everything! Except answer the phone at Apple if it doesn't work.

Nuzzling Day

Thursday is National Clean the Crumbs Out of the Broiler Oven Day and National Nuzzling Day.

Nuzzle first.

Fun History

On October 13 in 54 A.D. the Roman emperor Claudius was poisoned. His wife Agrippa did it. He should have known something was wrong when he noticed her peppering the snake's nose so it would sneeze into the meatloaf.

The Yellow Rose of Utah...

Can you believe it, Marie Osmond is 46 years old on Thursday? I can remember when Marie was a little bit country. Now, she's a little bit wrinkled.
- Hey, they're the cutest wrinkles you'll ever see.

I'm glad Marie finally cut her hair. For a while there it looked like she wanted to be a fluffy Crystal Gayle.

So Much to Learn

Hobby Lobby: A Great American Success Story - In the 30 years since he founded Hobby Lobby, David Green has built a retail powerhouse on some keen insights and old-fashioned convictions.

News Quickies

Ultra long flights popular ... Want to be in sales? ... Saving printer cartridges ... Save energy: Check the dryer ... Feed your brain ...

Such Wisdom

You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.

Today's Cable Soap Opera Update

Today on "The Young and The Tasteless," Sin City's infamous investigative reporter Tab Lloyd examines the lives, loves, and miscellaneous parts of 17 Calvin Klein underwear models.

Today’s Gardening Tip

Remember, you might be using a tad too much fertilizer if your green beans are eating your squash.

Do Wah P. Diddy Day

The following blog has the approval of the National Association of Retired Denture Wearers Determined to Chew Gum, better known as the Gum Gummers.

Stories you won't find in the National Enquirer

Have you checked your gas mileage lately? It's probably down. The exciting new Bush dirty gas is getting about 14 percent fewer miles per gallon. Taking off EPA clean air restrictions was supposed to be temporary to help the refineries pump out more product, but it may turn out to be so profitable .. watch for an extention.

Watch Your Finger!

President Bush hammered nails into a home being built for displaced residents Tuesday in Louisiana. Most of the carpenters were Democrats and wouldn't trust the President with a nail gun.

Wednesday is sooo special!

Wednesday is National Doo Wah Diddy Day, the day in 1964 when Manfred Mann's "Doo Wah Diddy" reached #1 in the U.S.

Wednesday is also International Moment of Frustration Scream Day, sponsored by Tom & Ruth Roy of Lebanon, Pennsylvania, who encourage everyone to go outdoors at noon (Greenwich time) and scream for 30 seconds.

Wednesday is National Doodle Bug Day and National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day.

The people who come up with special days must have majored in weird.

Susan Anton was born on this day in 1950. One of Hollywood's tallest female stars, Susan is more than just an actress. She's also a great singer, dancer, and shot blocker.

To Learn

Fire Prevention Week Focuses on Safe Use of Candles - They look nice and smell good, but candles have become a serious nationwide problem.

Fire Prevention: What to Do in October - Take these important steps to protect yourself and your family during October while many are focusing on fire prevention.

Fire Prevention Nonsense

This is Fire Prevention Week, so remember what Smokey the Bare Firefighter says, "Never ever smoke oily rags in bed."

Such Wisdumb

Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?

This is PBS, the Preposterous Blogging System.

Sooooeeeyyyy!

News You Won't Get in the Mainstream Press

Monday is Bill and Hillary Clinton's 30th wedding anniversary. Remember them?
- It wasn't a marriage made in heaven. It was a marriage made in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
- Weddings are different in Fayetteville. They don't say, "I do," they say, "Sooooeeeyyyy!"
- It's probably a miracle the marriage has lasted 30 years. Or maybe because they never consulted Dr. Phil.

Need a Hit? Offend Somebody

A song on Madonna's upcoming album dedicated to a Kabbalist rabbi is drawing criticism from other rabbis. So it's sure to be her biggest hit since she used to draw criticism from Catholic priests.
- It's the first rule of Pop Music Hit-Making -- Offend somebody religious.
- It doesn't always work, though. When's the last time you heard a song by the rock group Matthew, Mark, Luke, & Bubba?

Dr. Pepper Baked Beans

Monday is also Dr. Pepper Baked Beans Appreciation Day. Tailgaters know all about it. If you're not into tailgate partying, you are seriously normal.

Pet - Finance Tip

Now today's combo exotic pet-personal finance tip: Remember, in those difficult economic times, a pet armadillo can also double as a cheap bowling ball.

To Learn

How to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft - Identity theft has become the fastest growing criminal activity in the new century, replacing illegal drug sales.

To Love

What's it called when we do something for someone expecting nothing in return?
Love.
We serve God by serving others. We love God and ourselves by loving others.

Dream On

How about a constitutional amendment that declares anything a politician says in a campaign commerical is under oath?

Discovering America Took Courage, Dedication, Pickles...

I watched a new TV show this week. I don't recall what night. I don't remember the name.
- It was about three real estate women who could only talk about their boobs.
- It wasn't a comedy because it wasn't funny. It wasn't a drama because it had no plot.
- If it had been a reality show, the laugh track would have booed.
- Is it just me or is much of televison becoming boringly unwatchable? I'm beginning to understand why video games are so popular.

Sunday's compassionately conservative Dallas Morning News buried the devastating South Asian earthquake deep inside while covering half the front page with the Texas-Oklahoma football game. That may sound like uncaring journalism until you realize -- ... folks, Texas actually won!
- It's the first good news Texans have had since George W. Bush was elected.
- Governor!

Monday Looks Like a Great Day

• Monday in Canada is Thanksgiving Day.

• Monday is Columbus Day, marking Christopher Columbus' discovery of America in 1492.

Finding 'New World' Took Courage, Dedication - Christopher Columbus first experienced the rigors of the Atlantic Ocean when he went to sea at age 14. In 1470, he saved his own life by swimming to shore after a shipwreck.

Discovery Required Veggie - The unheralded hero of Christopher Columbus' trek to America was the humble pickle.

Columbus Day Fun-Liners - Really dumb thoughts most people don't think of on Columbus Day.

Today is Columbus Day, the day in 1492 when Columbus discovered America during School Lunch Week. Then he had lunch at Pocahontas' school and discovered buffalo by-products.

So Much to Learn, So Little Time

To Build an Organization, Focus on Customers - The key to growing a business lies where it always has, with customers. You have to keep them happy.

Such Incredible Wisdom

Nothing is impossible if you don't have to do it yourself.

It's better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor never have to fear becoming rich.

Isn't it weird how oil price increases go into effect at the pump immediately, but with decreases, it can take months to reset the pumps?
- And both changes send natural gas prices skyrocketing!
- The gas may be natural but the prices are definitely unnatural.

Bad news. The world's highest mountain, Mount Everest, is 12 feet shorter than previously thought. So along with global warming, now we have to worry about global shrinking!
- Either that, or the last guy who measured Everest needed a new yardstick.

Here's a new reality TV show that sounds promising: "Eat the Press." Each week media representatives will try to interview a real cannibal.