Priceless Pickle Poop!

Fantastic Friday

International Pickle Week begins Friday, honoring the world's funniest vegetable.

International Pickle Week honors anyone who's ever been eaten a pickle -- or been in one.
- Personally, I've been in more jams than pickles, so I'll have to wait for International Jam Week.

On this day in 1966, a turtle died that was supposedly given to the king of Tonga by Captain Cook in 1773. That would make it 193—or 1,351 in dog years.

On May 19th in 1924 the "Chicago Barn Dance" debuted on WLS Radio. It wasn’t really in a barn -- though some of the songs may have smelled like it.
- Barn dances were very popular in those days -- though very few cows ever learned to two-step.

Former Detroit Piston Bill Laimbeer was born on May 19th in 1957. Laimbeer was one of the biggest, meanest, toughest men ever to play basketball, but he was really a nice guy. In fact, every night he let homeless children sleep in his shoes.

Love & Learn

Nearly a Third of Americans Have Hypertension - May is National High Blood Pressure Education Month. And according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, millions of Americans have a lot to learn about this ominous health condition.

Decor: Go Ahead, Color Your World - Strong color endows each space with a thrill - and a treat. Check out his colorful treatment of a dining room, which won one of the first HUE Awards from Benjamin Moore, the mega paint company, last year.

Volvo's Small Car, the S40, Is a Kick with T5 Sports Pack - There seems to be Volvo engineering ethic that getting there in style is half the fun. The other half is getting there with the T5 sports pack.

Films in Focus: New & Recent Releases - Quick reviews and ratings of newly released films: Poseidon, Mission Impossible III, RV, Stick It, Hard Candy, and American Dreamz.

Shallow Thoughts:

You can lead a politician to Washington, but you can't make him think.

A good day at the golf course is when you find more golf balls than you lose.

Airbags for Armadillos!

Big News

Texas is close to raising the speed limit on two of its major highways to 80 miles an hour. Apparently, in Texas, the armadillos are getting faster.
- If the Texas speed limit jumps to 80, the SPCA will demand all armadillos have airbags.

Thrilling Thursday

Thursday is International Museum Day. It's also Visit Your Relative Day, so you can kill two birds with one stone by going to a museum and visiting your mummy.

On May 18th in 1982 in Australia 19 men rode the same motorcycle at the same time. I hope they were wearing helmets. And their insurance covered mental illness.

In Gloucestershire, England, on May 18th in 1830, Edwin Budding began manufacturing the world's first lawn mowers. Thus, man soon discovered that he not only could have an attractive lawn but also could survive with less than five toes per foot.

Graduation Fun-Liners

Perry Como was born in Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, on May 18th in 1913. In the highly competitive recording industry, Perry's career defied tradition. He combined a good voice with pleasant songs and became a success anyway.

Love & Learn

The Girls' Hot List for Summer Fashion - Summer is almost here and you've probably been dreaming of beaches and bumming around. Taking life easy, including your fashion life. Well, don't work up a sweat. Give yourself a break and take a few tips from this list. You'll be ready for the summer weather in a hot flash.

Today’s Soap Opera Update:

On "Wisteria Hospital," the jury returns a verdict in the case of Nurse Grunt’s improper wheelie popping on the morgue’s gurneys.

Childish Memory:

I had a make-believe friend when I was a kid. He'd make me so mad I'd kick his make-believe butt.

Top Ten Ways to Be Funny

Big News

A new survey says stressed Miami drivers speed, tailgate and cut off other drivers so frequently the city earned the title of worst road rage. Minneapolis, Nashville, St. Louis, Seattle and Atlanta were named as the cities with best road rage.
- They also speed, tailgate and cut off other drivers, but much more courteously.
- All the mad Miami drivers will protest in Atlanta this weekend.

May 17th in Fun History

On May 17 in 1973 the #1 U.S. recording dealt with public nudity in the Ray Stevens' classic "The Streak." The streaking fad of the '70s proved once again that the easiest way to get a big laugh is to take off your clothes.

General George Custer and the 7th Cavalry left Fort Lincoln for the Little Bighorn on May 17 in 1876. The band played "The Girl I Left Behind." Sitting Bull and the entire Sioux Army were waiting at the Little Bighorn, probably feeling deprived because they didn't have a band.

The first Kentucky Derby was run on May 17 in 1875. Nobody remembers who won because they made the mint juleps with too much julep and not enough mint.

Laugh & Learn

Top Ten Ways to Be Funny - Ever noticed certain people are always being asked to emcee the company staff party or their friend’s wedding? They have funny comments to make about various topics during a conversation. They make you see things in ways that you never imagined; ways that make you see the funny side of life. With practice, you can do it too.

Shallow Thoughts

A lawyer is a guy who believes you're innocent until you're proven broke.

A cable study says you can indeed become more violent by watching violence on TV. So does that mean if you watch too many campaign commercials you become a pathological liar?

The Young & The Wrestlers

Big News

President Bush is calling for deployment of National Guard troops in states along the Mexican border. There's an incentive plan. If the troops do a good job on the border, he'll promote them to Iraq.
- Might work better if anybody they catch crossing the border is deported to Iraq.

May 16th in Fun History

Jim Henson died on May 16th in 1990. His creations include famous puppets such as Kermit, Miss Piggy, Bert and Ernie, Cookie Monster, Big Bird—although he had nothing to do with Rush Limbaugh.

Singer Janet Jackson was born on May 16th in 1966. Janet says brother Michael can come to her birthday party—as long as he doesn’t make himself at home and turn the place into a zoo.

Heliogabalus became Emperor of Rome on May 16th in 218. It was a big mistake. He made his barber attorney general and appointed his mother sun god. But he got better after he was murdered.

Liberace was born on May 16th in 1919. Liberace's mother always knew he'd play the piano -- probably because he had 88 teeth.

Love & Learn

Parents on the Lookout for Web Predators - More parents may be paying attention now, given the continuing focus in recent weeks about online predators' activity on MySpace, in some cases leading to arrests.

Video Game Reviews - "Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence" and "Syphon Filter: Dark Mirror."

Today’s Soap Opera Update

On "The Young and the Wrestlers," Hulkella learns that her championship bra has turned green, and Spinner wins a killer whale in a late-night game of Go Fish.

Shallow Thoughts

The weather is so great. It's a perfect time to open all the windows and let in some fresh pollution.

Thought for the Day: How come in sports they call it "trash talk," but in music it’s called "rap?"

Dream Worlds & Cattle Calls

Big News

As President Bush prepares to address the nation Monday night on immigration, members of Congress are expressing concern that using National Guard troops to guard the border would further burden the military. Oh I don't know, I'm sure many troops would be happy to come home from Iraq to guard the border.
- And maybe the Minutemen could go guard Iraq.
- Hey, I may live in a dream world, but I enjoy it.

May 15th in Fun History

Las Vegas was founded May 15th day in 1905. And ever since Las Vegas was founded, a lot of money has been losted.

Traditionally, May 15th is Straw Hat Day, the day you switch from felt to straw hats. But nobody wears a hat anymore except cowboys, and the kind of hat you wear isn't all that important to a cow.

Graduation Fun-Liners

Country Hall-of-Famer Eddy Arnold was born May 15th day in 1918. Eddy leaned to yodel calling cows in Tennessee. The cows thought he was one of them -- he just mooed kind of funny.
- Later Eddy would own Tennessee -- and hire LeAnn Rimes to call his cows.

Nylon stockings went on sale May 15th date in 1940. Before that, women wore 100% cotton stockings, and it was a real pain every day having to iron their legs.
- Women hated cotton stockings because they made their legs itch. Not the stockings -- the boll weevils.

Love & Learn

Give Your Feet a Sporting Chance - Finding the right athletic shoe to fit your foot, budget and favorite activity can be challenging, but it is possible.

EUREKA! - Discoveries for the scientifically bent. But fun for everyone. New every week.

Points on Pets: Dogs Can Pass Ringworm to Owners - Some forms of ringworm are transmissible between animals and humans. If your dog has bare skin spots and if you develop spots on your skin, you should consult your physician as soon as possible.

Now, today's camping tip

On your next camping trip be sure to take along your old "Trivial Pursuit" game. Then at night, everybody can sit around the campfire and toss it in.

Old age is when everything about you is getting softer -- except your arteries.