To Emily, the Yellow Rose of Texas

Big News

Departing White House press secretary Scott McClellan will go back to Texas to help his mother, Carol Keeton McClellan Rylander Strayhorn, run for governor. Scott's job is to try to get her to marry Kinky Friedman.

April 21 in HaBlog History

Friday, April 21, is International Special Librarians Day. An international special librarian is one who can say, "Shhhhh!" in any language.

Romulus founded Rome on April 21 in 753 B.C. Romulus and his brother Remus were reared by a female wolf. They even did a comedy routine about it, called "Mom Always Licked You Best."

Texas won its independence from Mexico on April 21 in 1836 at the Battle of San Jacinto. Mexico's General Santa Anna missed the entire battle, being distracted by a beautiful Texas spy named Emily. Texas won its independence with blood, guts, and hanky panky.
- Emily was the sweetest little mulatto Texas ever knew. Her eyes were bright as diamonds that sparkled like the dew. She was half white, half black; they called her the yellow rose; her legend makes a Texan want to run right out and kiss a longhorn on the nose.

Britain’s Queen Elizabeth was born on April 21 in 1926. She’s a good queen. She hasn’t cut off anybody’s head yet.
- Though some say Fergie got out just in time.

Love & Learn

The Couch Potato Workout - These exercises can be done anywhere you are, without special equipment or a large time commitment. You don't have to make major changes to your lifestyle to enjoy increased physical fitness and a greater sense of well-being. Even if you're lazy, these exercises work.

Dodge Sprinter - The economical Sprinter van from Dodge is a working-class Mercedes that handles well. Built on a heavy-duty chassis and offered only with a five-cylinder diesel engine, this 19-foot-long rig gets 25 miles to the gallon.

Thoughts Sparked by Tom & Katie's Baby

Until you hold a baby, you don't know what real joy is; what real happiness is; what real wetness is...

Stuff to Be Thankful For

How about Thank God for Thumbs Day. I mean, think about it, if you didn't have thumbs, can you imagine how difficult it would be to hold the bottom on your Whopper?

Don't Throw Up on My Nachos!

Big TomKat News

Both mom Katie Holmes and daughter Suri are reported doing great. Dad Tom Cruise, at last report, was out looking for a new couch to jump up and down on.
- By the way, they say the birth was so quiet, Suri thought nobody was home.

April 20th in HaBlog History

Stanley Marcus was born on April 20 in 1905. He originated the Neiman-Marcus fashion shows. Stanley proved that buyers will pay a lot more for a dress if the model is tall and thin.

Roman emperor Marcus Arelius was born on April 20 in 121. He did a lot of good things. He was a strong advocate of being kind to animals. He fed Christians to them.

Pontiac, the chief of the Ottawa Indians, died in Illinois on April 20 in 1769. It was Pontiac, you may recall, who increased his mileage significantly by rotating the shoes on his horse.

On April 20 in 1564 Jacques Le Moyne, the first artist in America, sailed from France for the New World. Le Moyne revolutionized the field of nude painting. What was revolutionary about Le Moyne's technique of nude painting was that his models wore clothes and he was nude.

Love & Learn

Secrets to Affording a Big Family - Financial experts and area moms say new parents need to keep to a budget and look out for the unexpected. While buying necessities can be anticipated, expenditures for illness, broken windows and car accidents can put unplanned dents in a family's budget.

Study Says Drug Companies Are Guilty of 'Disease Mongering' - The corporate-sponsored creation of disease - 'disease mongering' - turns healthy people into patients, wastes precious resources and causes actual harm, say the guest editors pf a medical journal in an issue devoted to how drug companies sell sickness.

FYI Travel: Crack Da Vinci's Code - While much of the mystery of "The Da Vinci Code" unfolds at famous landmarks in Paris and London, the suspense of the novel culminates with a startling conclusion at Rosslyn Chapel, just seven miles outside Edinburgh, Scotland.

Thoughts on Baseball

They sell too much beer at baseball games. The stadium should be filled to capacity, not the fans.

I don't even like baseball. I just go to the games because I love raw hot dogs.

We'll Take Your Mind Off Thinking

Big News

Oil prices passed $71 a barrel Tuesday, so the stock market soared up almost 200 points. Obviously, there's big money in high oil prices, so maybe we ought to all go in together and buy Exxon-Mobil.
- Or just wait for the next life and be born a Republican.

April 19

The American Revolution began on April 19 in 1775. It was all a mistake and shouldn't have happened; but in those days times were hard, everybody's pants were too tight, and they were all high from sniffing wig powder.

Charles Darwin, who originated the Theory of Evolution, died on April 19 in 1882. Darwin's last days tended to prove the validity of his theory that man evolved from monkeys. On his death-bed Darwin went ape.

On April 19 in 1980, for the first time in history, female singers held down the top five spots on Billboard magazine's country music chart: Crystal Gayle, Dottie West, Debby Boone, Tammy Wynette, and Emmylou Harris. Grandpa Jones got so excited, he almost wet his galoshes.

Canadian explorer Simon Fraser died on April 19 in 1862. Fraser explored the Fraser River and discovered that, except for an occasional fish, it was mostly water.

Love & Learn

Quality Family Time Ideas - How about creating a family activity center that includes fun things for everyone in the family? Here are some ideas, right from your home.

Film Closeup: Ray Romano - Ray Romano has fame, fortune, a 19-year marriage, four happy kids and a new hit movie in theaters, "Ice Age: The Meltdown." But there is one thing Romano really misses having: a job.

Today’s Dental Trivia:

Four out of five patients become concerned if their dentist hums "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun" during their root canal.

Be Thankful for Congressional Vacations

Big News

Congress is still vacationing and that's good. Congressional vacations are essential to America's survival. The time politicians spend on vacation gives the country time to recover from all the damage they do while they're not on vacation.

Terrific Tuesday

On April 18 in 1956 eyeglasses were worn by a major league umpire for the first time during a game. Coincidentally, seeing-eye dogs were not allowed because they kept trying to field ground balls.

Wilbur Wright was born on April 18 in 1867. He was the other Wright brother, the one running along under history's first airplane flight, when his brother Orville got airsick.

April is Keep America Beautiful Month, so do your part. Pick up a beer can. Or a wino.

Love & Learn

Film Closeup: Ray Romano - Ray Romano has fame, fortune, a 19-year marriage, four happy kids and a new hit movie in theaters, "Ice Age: The Meltdown." But there is one thing Romano really misses having: a job.

Thoughts While Farming in the Back Yard:

I hate daylight saving time. It gives your wife an exta hour to find more yard work for you.

Sometimes bloggers get too smart for their own good. Thankfully, I am in no immediate danger.

Putting My Best Foot Backward

Big News

A study shows most congressmen don't screw up their own tax return. They hire professionals to do it for them.

The income tax is the government's way of getting us to send money we don't have to people we don't know to spend in ways we don't like.

Marvelous Monday

Monday is Toothbrush Appreciation Day, a day to wonder how life would taste without your toothbrush.

Monday is Independence Day in Kampuchea. Everybody else calls Kampuchea Cambodia, but Cambodians call Cambodia Kampuchea just to be different. It's their country, they can call it Rice-A-Roni if they want to.

Monday marks the 110th running of the Boston Marathon. Just thinking about it makes me want to jump into my shorts and pull on my running shoes and sit down and rest.

The Boston Marathon is America's oldest marathon, and participants will tell you it's an incredible feeling of accomplishment to run the entire 26 miles and cross the finish line alive.

Love & Learn

Parents Have the Power to Make Kids Eat Right - How can you get these finicky kids to eat? Bribery isn't the answer, says Lorilee Craker, spokeswoman for Mothers of Preschoolers and author of seven parenting books. Good tips here.

Queen Lives On! - The show must go on for the legendary rock band Queen, which now features singer Paul Rodgers, in place of the deceased Freddie Mercury.

Now, today's life-saving CPR tip:

Always remember the first rule of performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation -- spit out your tobacco!

Thoughts While 1040ing

I didn't have a medical deduction again this year, but I will as soon as I pay off my nerve transplant.

A conservative is someone who always puts his best foot backward.