TripleMint, the New Pre-Chewed Gum for....

Super Saturday

Designer Calvin Klein is 63 on Saturday. Most of Calvin’s top models have one major goal -- getting their learner’s permit.

Calvin Klein's TV commercials are weird. My favorite was always that "If Obsession is a sin" commercial. I kept hoping the Energizer Bunny would come hopping through and give the guilty guy a Marine haircut.

Saturday is Garifuna Day in Belize. Belize is on the east coast of Central America between Mexico and Guatemala. It's mostly swamp and jungle and it's main export is mosquitoes.
- I have no idea what Belizians do on Garifuna Day, but I do know that it's an official holiday and the swamp is closed.

The Mayflower arrived at Cape Code, Massachusetts, on November 19 in 1620. They only stayed long enough to go to the bathroom and buy souvenirs.

Saturday is National Family Volunteer Day (FamilyCares.org).

Fun Stuff

Pilgrim Trivia - Here are some fun Thanksgiving facts about the Mayflower, the Pilgrims, and the Wampanoag Indians.

Freeze & Learn

Winter Backpacking Tips - Alone and in a cold enviroment, it's important to know what to do in an emergency. Learning a few basic cold weather survival skills can save your life.

Today, thanks to my spell checker, I did not dispel a single word.

Chewing gum for today's blog was supplied by TripleMint, the world's first and only pre-chewed chewing gum for radio and TV talkers with tired jaws.

Pin the Tail on the Democrat!

Big News

Children worldwide will soon be offered cheap laptops with wireless network access and a hand-crank to provide electricity. This will be followed by a pandemic of carpel crank syndrome.
- Also called Crank Elbow.
- Look for a warning label that says, "Crank at your own risk!"
- In 157 different languages.

Mouse Friday

Mickey Mouse is 77 on Friday. As usual, all the Disney characters are invited to the birthday party. Except Donald Duck, who always insists on swimming in the punch bowl.
- Goofy can’t wait to play Pin the Tail on the Democrat.

Mickey's in pretty good health for a rat his age, though he may soon have surgery to remove cataracts. Mice hate cataracts.
- And, reportedly, Mickey may need a tail transplant. Which can be very expensive. Fortunately, he has that supplementary duck insurance to cover anything Raticare doesn't.

According to legend, it was on November 18, 1307, that William Tell, with a bow and arrow, shot an apple off his son's head. After it was all over, Junior's brow was dripping with perspiration. His pants were also dripping, but not with perspiration.

Turkey Tsunami

Not One Ounce: The Run Up to Thanksgiving - The turkey tsunami hits on the 3rd Thursday in November, replete with piles of potatoes, pies, sauces, stuffing, and all the rest. Eating preparations must begin now!

Today's badminton trivia question:

Where do the feathers used in making badminton birds come from?
- To make a badminton bird you need feathers from a goose, a goose from Thailand. If the feathers don't come from a Siamese goose, your bird won't fly right. Let's say, for example, the feathers come from an Oklahoma goose. In colder weather your bird will tend to fly south.

Final Rationalization

Remember, if we hadn't attacked somebody, all that defense money would have been wasted.

Upset stomachs on today's blog were soothed with Prestone-Bismol, the all new two-in-one yucky stuff that not only coats your stomach, but also keeps your intestines from freezing.

Smokers Need an Oil Change!

Big News

President Bush is still traveling in Asia, but don't worry. He'll be back next week in time to prove with a presidential pardon the White House does not torture turkeys.

Smokeless Thursday

Thursday is The Great American Smokeout. The American Cancer Society encourages smokers to quit for at least 24 hours. Some 51 million Americans still smoke cigarettes, the leading cause of lung cancer.

The Great American Smokeout is the fun day every year when Americans get to hose down anybody they see smoking.
- There's just nothing that encourages smokers to quit more than soggy cigarettes.

People really get nasty with smokers. A lady was puffing away outside Wal-Mart. A guy walked by and said, "You wouldn't smoke like that if you'd change your oil more often."

Love & Learn

Be a Savvy Online Shopper - The Internet can be a shopper's paradise, as long as you know how to shop safely and avoid hidden fees. Here are some tips to make sure your online shopping experience is a positive one.

Wow!

What a beautiful day in Blogville. If Noah had had a day like this, instead of an ark he would have built a barbecue pit.

Today's horoscope. Aquarius: A relative wielding a knife will want to carve your turkey. Protect your giblets!

You know it's going to be a rough winter when you notice your woolly-bear caterpillar growing pink fibre-glass woolly.

My Hero Is a Big Chicken

Big News

The U.S. Senate Tuesday called on the Bush administration to explain its Iraq policy. President Bush says he'll do it personally, but first he must stay the course and become the first U.S. president to bicycle across Mongolia.
- How tough can it be? Half the trip is downhill.

Wonderous Wednesday

Wednesday is Famous San Diego Chicken Day, a day to honor anyone who ever slugged a purple dinosaur.

This is American Education Week, a time to find out what our schools are doing, and why -- and to buy candy from the PTA.
- Be sure to visit your child's school this week. But remember, no matter what happens, it's unconstitutional to pray for the teachers.

Fun History

Tiberius Nero was born in Rome on November 16 in 42 B.C. As emperor he fiddled around a lot. Most Romans were pretty burned up about it.

To Learn, To Laugh, To Golf

Golf: Driving Basics - With male golfers it's a macho thing. They don't want to use a 12 degree driver because 'it's a bit girlie.' But guess what?

Thoughts During Sunday Sermon

I enjoy the more charismatic worship service, but I still can't get used to the choir doing the wave.

Today's Youth Are Too Young!

Big News

President Bush is on a eight-day trip to Japan, South Korea, China, and Mongolia. In Mongolia, where his approval ratings are high, they think he's president of a beer company.

Breathe Easier

Tuesday is America Recycles Day. It's easy and great for the air, water, and planet our children and grandchildren will inherit.

On November 15, 1996, Michael Jackson married Debbie Rowe. The day went well -- except for when the chimpanzee caught the bouquet.
- And ate it.

On this day in 1492 Christopher Columbus first noticed that native New Worlders were smoking dried leaves. Since it looked stupid and dangerous, he figured right off teenagers would think it was cool.

Love & Learn

Video Game Careers - What about majoring in something you truly enjoy, something you could do hours on end without feeling like you are working at all?

Odds & Odds

I do hereby solemnly promise never to sing on this blog. I can't sing. As a child I was dropped on my voice.

I was thinking about going back to school and majoring in hockey just so I could learn to understand icing.

This is Youth Appreciation Week, a time to show our youth we appreciate them. Which is okay, but personally I'd appreciate our youth more if they weren't so young.
- And if I was still one of them.

Loosen Up, Lighten Up, Chill Up!

Big News

President Bush's #1 political issue right now is the Iraq war. Number two is the dope problem -- what to do with Dick Cheney.

It's a dirty shame the people who really know how to run the country are either still in school, working for the news media, or cutting hair.

"Chicken Little" remained No. 1 at the movie box office again this weekend. Obviously, people don't mind hearing the sky is falling from a cute animated chicken. In a related story, ABC will choose Chicken Little this week to anchor "World News Tonight."
- Chicken Little is smart, unbiased, and he stopped smoking last year.

Kurt Busch has been suspended for the last two races of the NASCAR season after police cited him for reckless driving. Apparently, one entry in every NASCAR race now is an undercover cop with a radar gun.
- NASCAR drivers are already installing Fuzzbusters....

Loosen Up

Monday is Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day, a time to remind everyone of the benefits of joy and laughter (sponsor: Stephanie West Allen of Denver).

Charles Darwin published his Origin of the Species on November 14, 1859, pushing the theory that humans evolved from monkeys. Personally, I can't believe that humans came from monkeys. Politicians maybe, but not humans.

Love & Learn

ESL: Six Easy Steps to Develop Your English Listening Skills - One of the biggest problems an ESL (English as a Second Language) student faces is to develop his or her listening comprehension.

Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod - In a study, 61 percent of the adults condoned spanking as a regular form of punishment. But is it the best way to teach a child to behave?

Odds & Odds

After watching their TV commercials, I now believe that most all personal injury lawyers are shysters beyond a reasonable doubt.

You know you need to sell your golf cart when you can't find your Golf Digest, and it's right under your stomach.

Mouths on today’s blog were washed with Bill O'Reilly Mouthwash, the really big mouthwash for really big mouths.