What Color Is Today?

Big News

Vice-President Dick Cheney says House Speaker Dennis Hastert should not resign. He likes Hastert. He and Dennis have a hunting trip planned.

Madonna visited an orphanage in Malawi's on Thursday. Bless her heart. I hope she kept her clothes on.

October 6th Now & Then

The annual Wool Festival is this week in Falmouth, Kentucky. But Bob Barker is trying to stop it. Bob thinks sheep shearing is cruel -- though, of course, it's okay to neuter them.

Film legend Betty Davis died on this day in 1989. Singer Kim Carnes had a hit with "Betty Davis’ Eyes." Makes you wonder how a song about Dolly Parton would do.

William Tyndale was burned at the stake on this day in 1535. Tyndale had translated the Christian New Testament from Greek and Hebrew into English. And got a bad review. In those days, the critics were murder.

Baseball pioneer Henry Chadwick was born on this day in 1824. He wrote the first baseball rule book. The first rule required all baseball players to chew tobacco -- and to be sure and spit anytime anybody pointed a camera at them.

Love & Learn

To Be Equal - Put poverty on national agenda before it tears us apart.

Analysis - Chatting with an alien: "What color is today?"

Book Reviews - Righteous: Dispatches from the Evangelical Youth Movement.

A Greener View - Lichens no cause for concern.

Shallow Thoughts

It's the autumn season and the campaign season. Squirrels are trying to find nuts and voters are trying to avoid them.

It's a typical autumn: frost is on the pumpkins, and linebackers are on the quarterbacks.

What Title? I Don't Recall.

Big News

A senior congressional aide says he told House Speaker Dennis Hastert two years ago about Mark Foley's involvement with teenage boys. Hastert said he didn't recall and immediately checked into the Condi Rice No-Recall Rehab Center.

October 5th Now & Then

This is National Possum Week. Possums are smarter than dogs, especially at rolling over and playing dead. In fact, a possum is so good at playing dead, you never want to plan his funeral until several days after he rolls over.

The first U.S. Army aviation unit to fly night missions began operations in France on this date in 1918. The squadron proved to be a reliable, trustworthy unit. In other words, this fly-by-night operation was no fly-by-night operation.

Pablo Picasso was born on this date in 1881. Picasso's paintings were weird. The subjects always had eight eyes or four mouths or noses where their ears should be. You wonder if maybe Picasso's warm-up exercise was sniffing the paint.

Chief Joseph surrendered near Chinook, Montana, on this day in 1877. He told the U.S. Cavalry, "From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more! But my spirit will curse your family budgets forever with high-stakes bingo!"

Love & Learn

Lifewire: Prescription for Confusion - About half of all Americans take prescription drugs, yet a new study indicates that for many of them their doctors have failed to adequately explain the reason, duration and time of their regular doses.

Tim Herd's Wildlife Viewfinder Guide - Wildlife observation in the right place at the right time.

In Fashion - It's October and time to think pink. Start shopping for holiday gifts now and support breast cancer research by buying fashion merchandise that's in the pink.

Editorial - Nation can't ignore latest intelligence warnings.


Shallow Thoughts

It's autumn, and again we turn to the TV for violence, sex, greed, and foul play. Yes, football season is in full swing.

Children would be wonderful if they'd only sit quietly and read a book until they're 18.

You know you're following a fanatic jogger when he has turn signals installed in his shorts.

Spitting or No Spitting?

Big News

Iraq's Prime Minister presented a peace plan on Monday. The White House said, "What's a peace plan?"
- "If it's like a stay-the-course plan, we already have one."

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said she cannot recall then-CIA chief George Tenet warning her of an impending al-Qaida attack in the U.S. in 2001 before 9-11. That's one of the assets President Bush likes most about Rice -- her memory.
- The President said, "Condi, I love your memory."
- She said, "What memory?"
- He said, "Forget it."

Singer Avril Lavigne has apologized for spitting at the paparazzi last week in Los Angeles. Apparently, she missed.

October 3rd Now & Then

Singer Chubby Checker is 65 today, and still twisting away like he did last generation. At 65, Chubby has more to twist than ever before.
- The kids in his neighborhood call him Old Hyper Hips.

The Syrians killed the richest man in the Roman Empire on this day in 53 B.C. Marcus Crassus was worth 170-million sesterces. And before inflation, just one sesterce was worth 2½ donkeys.
- This means Marcus' net worth was 425-million donkeys -- which even in today's economy could really mess up your backyard.

The "Mickey Mouse Club" made its TV debut on this day in 1955. Who could forget the Mickey Mouse Club? In fact, the title of my autobiography is My First Love Wore Mouse Ears.

CBS cancelled "The Boing Boing Show" on this day in 1958. The show starred Gerald McBoing-Boing, a cartoon character who apparently wasn't ready for prime time. Those were the good old days. When a TV show flopped, they didn't rush it into syndication.

Love & Learn

Trick-or-Treating Can Matter - Trick-or-treating can offer sweeter rewards than collecting candy. The money that is traditionally collected for UNICEF can save the lives of children around the world.

Early Christmas Shopping - Gift-giving season begins in the kitchen. Take a look at the latest kitchen gadgets.

Ads Ad Nauseam - Coming soon to your cell phone: advertising, lots of advertising. Not everyone is thrilled about it.

Editorial: A Soviet Secrets Act - These are not good days to be whistle-blowers or investigative reporters.

Shallow Thoughts

Another fun thing about aging is washing dishes -- when your belly starts hanging over into the dishwater.

When I get to heaven I'm going to be very disappointed if my new body has sinuses.

I really like my new goldfish. And just think, they're less than 10 calories.

Another Month, Another War

Big News

The Israeli army pulled out from almost all of its positions in Lebanon on Sunday. So give 'em a week off, they'll be ready to hit somewhere else.
- There's just too many people who need attacking to let a good army goof off.
- And it's a lot easier now that pre-emptive strikes are okay.

The FBI's worried now that old-fashioned mobsters will team up with al-Qaida for the right price. They did not suggest raising the terrorist warning to red just yet in Atlantic City.
- But you may have to start taking off your shoes to buy lottery tickets.

October 2nd Now & Then

October used to be called Germanicus. But that sounded silly so they changed it to Herculeus. Then to Faustinus. But now October is called October because it's the 10th month and "octo" is Latin for "eight."
- I'm glad we cleared that up.

Charlie Brown and Snoopy were born on this date in 1950. In all these years Snoopy has learned that you can’t teach an old dog owner new tricks. But if he’s as slow as Charley Brown, you can keep playing the same old ones on him.

So what do you think, on their 56th anniversary, should they let Charley Brown pitch a winning game, Lucy win Shroeder’s heart, and Snoopy shoot down the Red Baron?
- Naw, nobody can relate to a bunch of winners.

The annual Okra Strut is this week in Irmo, South Carolina. Everybody tries to strut down Main Street, which is covered with boiled okra.
- Boiled okra is more slippery than raw oysters. The winner is the first person who can strut through town without breaking something vital.

Love & Learn

Inside People: Study Smart Approaches to Homework - Before you approach your children’s schoolwork, remember it’s their homework, not yours.

Lloyd Grove: Gossip - Bobby Brown drives too hard a bargain.

Caldwell - Bush, McCain and "torture."

Health on Wheels - Be ready with a car emergency kit that includes an AM/FM radio, medicated spray, bottled water and a first-aid kit.

Shallow Thoughts

You know you live in a tough neighborhood when the grubworms eat your lawnmower.

Thank goodness we don't have debtors' prisons anymore. There's be nobody to come visit all of us.

When our pastor preaches about hell, the congregation is so quiet you can hear their antiperspirant failing.

This just in. The city council has declared downtown a no-smoking area. It's a public health issue. They're afraid of exploding winos.