Thursday, October 19, 2006

Let's Talk About Frost

Big News

A convicted killer facing lethal injection beat the executioner to it Thursday, committing suicide in his Texas death row cell 15 hours before he was supposed to die. Of course, since he died before his final last-minute appeal, he will now be exonerated.
- Assuming he's a Republican.

Wal-Mart is expanding a program offering $4 prescriptions for some generic drugs to 14 more states. Wow, cheap drugs. How un-American can you get?
- If the pharmaceutical industry complains, look for President Bush to declare Wal-Mart an enemy combatant.

Ford will produce the last Taurus next week. It'll be really embarrassing if nobody buys it.

October 20th Now & Then

This is Talk About Frost Day, a good day to talk about frost, since you might find some on your pumpkin.
- According to most frostologists, frost is not frozen dew. Frozen dew is little balls of ice. But frost is white crystalline frozen vapor. Try to remember this because it could be extremely important on a TV quiz show.
- Next year at this time we'll take a close look at how frost can be used to convert your extra mountains into topsoil.

Baseball great Mickey Mantle was born on this date in 1931. Mickey had special meaning to the older men of America. They'd all be rich if only they'd saved his rookie bubblegum card.

The Greeks defeated the Persians at Salamis on this day in 480 B.C. Back then all people did was kill each other. Liberals wanted a battle-axe control law, but conservatives claimed an inalienable right to bear axes.

British eating champion Peter Dowdeswell set the world lemon-eating record on this date in 1978. He ate three whole lemons in 23 seconds. He was so impressive at disposing of lemons, he was offered a job selling used cars.

Love & Learn

Growing a Better Pumpkin - If faced with a bad yield, time to prime the pumpkin.

Analysis: GOP & Jesus - How's this for an October surprise? The Rev. K.A. Paul claims the Republican Party's behavior is the reason Jesus hasn't returned to Earth. And you thought it was Bill Clinton.

TV Closeup - Michael C. Hall plays Dexter Morgan, a blood spatter specialist raised by his foster father, a Miami police detective, in the crime drama “Dexter.”

Editorial: Bosses, Bosses Everywhere - Since supervisors are exempt from unionization, before you know it, the only person without a title is the summer intern.

Shallow Thoughts

No more walking the dog in rain, sleet, snow and stray bullets. I got him a doggie treadmill -- with a fake fire hydrant.

I don't like fish. I don't like anything that eats worms.

The weather service says temperatures are below normal. Big deal -- so am I.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Bach Bath Bash Bathes Bach

Big News

Social Security checks for nearly 49 million retirees are going up by 3.3 percent next year. In other words, seniors, if you die next year, the guy who steals your identity can go out for pizza.

Weird baseball fans can now be buried in a coffin with their favorite team's colors and insignia. (Royals) fans say they don't understand and would like the players to demonstrate.- Within six months somebody will dig up a (Tigers) fan and try to sell his coffin on eBay.

October 19th Now & Then

The Bath Bach Festival is this week in Bath, England. And the Bach Bath Festival begins in Bach, Germany. The Bath Bach bash in Bath ballyhoos Bach, but the Bach Bath bash bathes Bach. Any questions?

Boxer Evander Holyfield is 45 today. He's the guy you'll recall who left a bad taste in Mike Tyson's mouth.

Lord Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown, Virginia, on this date in 1781, and British troops sang the mournful old song, "The World Turned Upside Down." In those days British soldiers were better singers than fighters.

On this day in 1812 Napoleon and the French Army began their retreat from Moscow. The trickiest part was sneaking all that vodka through Customs.

Love & Learn

Ideas for a Haunting Halloween - Throw a Halloween breakfast, complete with orange and black table settings and pumpkin pancakes. Later, arrange a haunted hunt.

Film Closeup - Matt Damon plays Collin Sullivan, a rising star at the Massachusetts State Police Department, who is not quite what he seems in the crime drama “The Departed.” See the trailer.

Today's Scene - Basic food safety can help you avoid E. coli's danger.

Holiday Quilt Projects - What a fun way to display your holiday spirit.

Shallow Thoughts
I love to drive because I enjoy seeing the scared look on people's faces.

This portion of whatever this is is brought to you by Sparky's Electric. Got electrical problems? Call Sparky -- he'll be more than happy to fix your shorts.