Who was the 1989 Scrabble Champion?

Big News

House and Senate negotiators agreed Thursday to extend the USA Patriot Act, but a Democratic senator threatened a filibuster to block the compromise. Apparently, the fact the Patriot Act still allows filibustering is one of its weaknesses.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld Thursday raised the possibility of reducing U.S. troop levels in Iraq next year. Reducing troops would not be withdrawing, however. Reduced troops would merely be staying course somewhere else.

U.S. life expectancy has hit another all-time high -- 77.6 years. That's still well below Canada, Japan, and European nations with universal health care, but it's very good for a nation where only congressmen and NBA players can afford to see a doctor.

Friday is Christmas Gift Memory Day, a time to remember the all-time favorite Christmas gift you received and what happened to it. What about the gift you are most glad you gave, and can you top it this year?

Fabtabulous Friday

Friday is Search High and Low For Your Gingerbread Recipe Day.

On December 9th in 1972 Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar" became the #1 song in the U.S. So far, nobody has recorded the answer, "I Am Man, Hear Me Snore."

The former NBA player with the greatest name, World B. Free, is 52 on Friday. Since his retirement from basketball, reportedly he's changing his name to World B. Expensive.

On December 9th in 1792 America's first formal cremation occurred. We don't have many formal cremations anymore. Nobody will rent you a tux.

Phil Appleby was born on December 9th in 1957. Phil set a world record in 1989 by scoring 1,049 points in a Scrabble game. Then he retired from the pro Scrabble tour and became a commentator on the All Scrabble Network.

Love & Learn

Be Cheerful - Do you tend to focus on what is wrong with your life, or what is right?

Diamonds: From Chaos to a Girl's Best Friend - They begin in chaos, 75 miles beneath the Earth's surface, as carbon transformed into crystals by extreme heat and pressure.

Today's cooking tip

Remember, the first rule of preparing a balanced, home-cooked meal: always poke holes in the plastic.

Leftovers

This just in. Once again this year Bob Barker has canceled his "Save the Camels" Christmas trip to Baghdad.

I've stopped sitting next to people when I eat. I'm afraid of second-hand fat.

I asked my proctologist when he started practicing. He said, "Many moons ago."

A Brain Stretcher for Pet Psychologists

Big News

The trial of Saddam Hussein was adjourned Wednesday until December 21. That gives the court two weeks to find Saddam some clean underwear.
- They're making a plea for help on www.SaveTheDictator.crap/.

Thrilling Thursday

Actor David Carridine, best known for the TV series "King Fu," was born on December 8th in 1936. David will soon star in a new series where he karate chops politicians who make long-winded speeches. It'll be called "Kung Fooey."

Eli Whitney was born on December 8th in 1765. Eli invented the cotton gin, a machine that separates the cotton seeds from the cotton. If it weren't for Eli Whitney, your Levis would be very lumpy.

Actress Teri Hatcher is 41 on Thursday. Currently a "Desperate Housewife," she played Lois Lane on "Lois & Clark" and wound up marrying Superman. But she says sleeping with Superman wasn't all that great, especially in the winter when his feet of steel got really cold.

Today's Nudist Makeup Trivia Question

How much lipstick does the average lady nudist wear?
- Studies show the average lady nudist wears over twice as much lipstick as the average lady non-nudist. The average lady who wears clothes uses up approximately her height in lipstick every five years, whereas the typical female nudist goes through her height in lipstick in only two years. Obviously, there's big money in selling lipstick to tall women if you can get them to take their clothes off.

Love & Learn

A Christmas Cry - I was worried my kids wouldn’t get to bed on time. But then I felt further and further from “everyday worries." And as I watched them working together to create something beautiful, something else happened. Something wonderful.

Thoughts While Waiting for the Tow Truck

Why is it, no matter how neatly you put away your Christmas lights last year, they come out of the box this year looking like a reggae musician's hairdo?

When a dog looks into the toilet, does he wonder if it's half empty, or half full?

When Michael Jackson gets a new nose, does he put his old nose under his pillow for the nose fairy?

It must be tough being a cannibal. There's no Tupperware big enough for leftover drumsticks.

Is the Whole World in Junior High?

Big News

Saddam Hussein shouted Tuesday that he will not return "to an unjust court" when it convenes on Wednesday. Nobody know what that means, but just to safe he was placed under a stupidity watch.

Scientists said Tuesday SpongeBob SquarePants, Shrek and other characters kids love should promote only healthy food. Shrek agreed, but SpongeBob SquarePants immediately lawyered up.

Jennifer Aniston is suing a paparazzo, claiming he invaded her privacy by using a telephoto lens to photograph her topless inside her home. Some may say she should have closed her blinds, but her lawyers point out even then SuperPaparazzo could use their X-ray vision lenses.
- Of course, the profoundly deeper question is, why would anybody buy a magazine to see Jennifer's boobs anyway?
- Is the whole world back in junior high?

Wontastic Wednesday

Wednesday is Harry Chapin Day, marking the singer's birth December 7, 1942. His hits included "Taxi," "WOLD," and "Cat's In The Cradle." He received a special Congressional Gold Medal for his efforts to eliminate world hunger. He was killed in a traffic accident in 1981 on his way to a benefit.

Christmas lights are turned on simultaneously on Wednesday at all legislatures across Canada. With more lights, maybe the politicians can see what they're not doing.

Basketball's Larry Bird is 49 on Wednesday. Larry Joe was the greatest gawky-looking basketball player of all time. In fact, the gawkier Larry looked, the more likely his shot would go in. So it's very possible he looked gawky on purpose.

In Dallas on December 7 in 1961 Johnny Cash and June Carter appeared together in concert for the first time. They didn't marry, however, until 1968 when Johnny finally conquered a tranquilizer addiction. Then they got married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout.

Love & Learn

Keeping Up with Yesterday - There is a time for careful planning, it's true. But there is also a time for quick and decisive action.

Today's horoscope

Capricorn: Congratulations! You may already have won an all-expense-paid appendix transplant in the AMA Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

Thoughts While Shaving

Did you ever wonder if the guys getting physicals for the Swiss Army have to turn their heads and yodel?

I think it's going to be a rough winter. Yesterday I saw a flock of geese goosing each other south.

Weather like this makes you want to go curl up in the crock pot.

Thoughts While Rolling Over

Big News

Saddam Hussein told the judge at his trial Monday he's not afraid of execution. In fact, he plans to be executed live and in colored underpants.

ABC News has settled on the youthful anchor team of Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff to replace the late Peter Jennings as anchor of "World News Tonight." Apparently, it's an attempt to get some sponsors who don't sell laxatives and acid reflux pills.
- Personally, I hope it works. It's hard to enjoy dinner with the news when side-effects include vomiting, seizures, and 4-hour erections.

Terrific Tuesday

Tuesday is St. Nicholas Day. In many European countries, St. Nicholas brings fruit, cakes, and gifts to all good little children. The name "Santa Claus" evolved from St. Nicholas via a Dutch dialect form of the name, Sinte Klaas or Sinterklaas. The first church in what would become New York City, built by the Dutch in 1624, was named for Sinterklaas.

St. Nick was Bishop of Myra in the 4th century, noted especially for his charity. Not to be confused with the modern Santa Claus, noted especially for accepting all major credit cards.

St. Nick finishes up three weeks earlier than Santa Claus because St. Nick's elves are non-union.

Saint Nicholas was born on December 6th in 342. Everybody loves Saint Nicholas, except the ELO -- the Elf Liberation Organization.

St. Nick is sort of a religious Santa Claus. He can't come to America because of an ACLU restraining order.

Shop & Learn

Join the Internet Shopping Bandwagon - Shopping online has become increasingly popular over the last few years, with new and improved safety measures, specialty shops and giant retailers, all designed to entice shoppers.

News That Matters - In-depth news, commentary, public affairs, and opinion from top news sources and leading blogs.

Today’s Stupid Question

When a congressman and his wife stand under the mistletoe, how does she know which face to kiss?

Today's Soap Opera Update

On "As the World Fast-Forwards" Margo gives power-of-attorney to some guy who tuned her kazoo at the Christmas party.

Thoughts While Rolling Over

"Early to be and early to rise" happens three or four times a night with a newborn.

I thought the smoke alarm went off. Turned out I rolled over on the cat.

Refreshments for today's blog were supplied by Guatamalan Punch, the exciting new imported artificial fruit drink with an unidentified ugly brown thing in every 2-litre bottle. For best results, serve chilled in a dirty glass.

Baboushka Is Coming to Town!

Presented the Coveted 2005 Dignity Award by the Arkansas Artificial Hog Snout Wholesalers!

Big News

Iraq said Sunday that authorities uncovered a plot by a Sunni Arab insurgent group to fire rockets at the court building where Saddam Hussein's trial resumes this week. Apparently, it's the Sunnis' way of helping the world avoid live team coverage of the trial.

Republican leaders in Congress said Sunday they are hoping to curb the growth of student loans, Medicaid, and other benefit programs before the holidays -- so they can go home and wish everybody a compassionate conservative Christmas.

Isn't it touching? In this season of goodwill toward men, Republicans remember poor people. They don't help them, they just remember them.

Magulous Monday

Monday is National Communicate with Your Kids Day (kindersigns.com).

According to legend, Robin Hood was murdered on December 5th in 1247. Being the macho fighter that he was, he died with his tights on.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died on December 5th in 1791. He was the greatest musical genius of all time, and he died broke. Which is no big deal, of course, since it's believed neither heaven nor hell has vending machines.
- Some say Mozart died of starvation, but others say it was because he wouldn't eat.
- Mozart had the 2nd worst name in history, Wolfgang Amadeus. The first-worst name belonged to his son -- Wolfgang Amadeus Junior.

Love & Learn

Should I Stay Home with My Baby? - Now that your baby has arrived you may be facing one of the most difficult decisions a mother or can make. Some ideas to help.

The Many Faces of Santa - From Baboushka to Black Peter, in nations throughout the world, children know who's making a list and checking it twice.

Adding to the Family: One Child or Two? - Despite the mental picture, choosing to enlarge your family in this day and age requires a new set of guidelines and principles than when your parents were having children.

Thoughts While Shaving

Basketball without Michael Jordan is like the National Enquirer without Elvis.

Kids must think Santa can bring lots of toys because he works at the mall and gets a discount.

It's not that I'm a slow learner, it's just that I'm a fast forgetter.

On a cold night like tonight, do you suppose Dracula has to wear fang warmers?

Portions of the preceding blog were discarded by a preceding blog at an earlier date.