But He Has Nerves of Styrofoam

Poor George

In the latest AP-Ipsos poll, a majority of Americans said President Bush is not honest. Fortunately, we have good upstanding role models to advise him -- like Scooter Libbey and Tom DeLay.

This is America, where a politician is presumed guilty until proven honest.

Super Saturday

Saturday is National Pizza With the Works Except Anchovies Day.

Saturday is A&W Rootbeer Mug Day, a day to see if you can frost your mug like A&W always did it.

Saturday is National Chicken Soup for the Soul Day, celebrating the book series with the mantra, "Changing the world one story at a time." (chickensoup.com)

Love & Learn

Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine - Laughter exercises the lungs and circulatory system and increases the amount of oxygen in the blood. And that's just for starters....

How Running an Event Can Increase Your Income - An event is a fantastic way to get a whole lot of your clients and potential clients together so you can present to them all at once, saving you huge amounts of time and effort trying to reach them all individually.

Today's heavy thoughts:

If they closed all the Wal-Marts, would there be any traffic?

They have a shot for mumps, measles, and flu. Why don't they have a shot for puberty?

When Is Draft Dodger Day?

The following blog is approved by the NBA -- the Nutty Blog Association.

Big News!

Violence in France is now easing. After two nights of decreasing unrest, everybody's chilling out. At the Louvre last night, the Mona Lisa was shaving her legs.

Scientists have discovered a biological brake for a hunger hormone: a competing hormone that seems to counter the urge to eat. Side-effects include dry mouth, dry armpits, dry bladder, and an uncontrollable urge to model.

The journal Science reported Thursday a huge ancient crocodile has been found. And only a few feet away, a huge ancient crocodile hunter with three toes missing was still trembling.

A Boeing jet arrived in London from Hong Kong on Thursday, breaking the record for the longest nonstop flight by a commercial jet. The 13,422-mile flight took 22 hours and 43 minutes. At last report, passengers were still waiting for their ears to pop.

Remembering

Friday is Veterans Day in the U.S. and Remembrance Day in Canada. It's also Original Poppy Day. And this is National Hug a Veteran Week.

Did you ever wonder? On Veterans Day, do draft dodgers get together and tell peace stories?

Veterans Day, a day to honor all those who did not evade the draft, to make the world safer for those who did.

The Army was a learning experience for me. I learned that I wanted to be a civilian.

Veterans Day: Honoring All Who Served - In expressing our gratitude for service, Americans now include veterans of all wars, including Iraq and Afghanistan.

Another Award Winner

Now, today's award-winning riddle. Do you know what they call people who send out for a midnight pizza?- "Things that go burp in the night."

Today's Statistic to Disprove

I figured it up. The average American spends seven months of his life watching beer commercials.

Thoughts While Shaving

You know, the monsodium I don't mind, but I can't stand that glutomate.

I think that I shall never see, my dog pass up a tree.

How to Exercise Your Hippocampus

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Big News

The chiefs of five major oil companies defended the industry's huge profits on Wednesday. Well of course. The profits are right in line with other industries whose executives have no consciences.

A study released Wednesday says television has seven times more sex scenes than it had seven years ago. Nothing surprises you on TV anymore. Even on old reruns you expect to see "The Golden Girls" in thong bikinis chewing tobacco.

His father says Michael Jackson probably won't live in the U.S. again. Health care is so much cheaper in other countries -- especially emergency nose service.

Sleep Dangerously

Thursday night is Sleep Dangerously Night, a night to switch sides of the bed with your spouse.
- Go ahead, it'll be good for your hippocampus, the system of circuits in your brain that must be used regularly to prevent Alzheimer's.
- Honest. I know about this stuff.

TV's "Sesame Street" premiered on November 10, 1969. My favorite Sesame Street character was Oscar the Grouch. I always thought it would be cool to have your own room with a lid on it.
- You wouldn't have to clean your room; you'd just open the lid and let the ceiling fan blow everything out.

Love & Learn

Your Children and the Environment - You can teach your children about life, develop a love for the environment, and get muddy and have fun in their own garden. Here's how.

Today's intriguing autumn question

Have you noticed how geese always fly south in a V-formation? How do you suppose they pick the lead goose?
- And is her gander proud of her?

So long for now and remember, if your old football injury flares up, do what I do -- sit on a heating pad.

Dogs Blamed for Torture!

Big News

The latest poll shows, of all the people who voted in Tuesday's election, only 14 percent could stay awake through the election coverage.

I thought about running for governor of New Jersey, but I would have had to move, and I bowl twice a week....

Election Day is the moment of truth. And that's ironic because this campaign didn't see a moment of truth.

The Pentagon has issued a broad new directive mandating that detainees be treated humanely and has banned the use of dogs to intimidate or harass suspects. The dogs can still interview detainees but they can no longer foam at the mouth.
- When a dog leads a detainee on a leash, both must be fully clothed.
- And if the detainees are really hungry, the dogs may not withhold the Kibbles 'n Bits.

Exciting Stuff

The Canadian Finals Rodeo is this week in Edmonton. It’s indoors so the cowboys won’t freeze their lassos.
- Rodeos in Canada are pretty much the same as anywhere else, except because of the cold weather, the older horses wear socks.

Wednesday is Paul Is Dead Day. According to Paul Is Dead conspiracy theorists, singer Paul McCartney of the Beatles died on November 9, 1966, from massive head injuries sustained in an auto accident. He was replaced by orphan Billy Campbell, a dead ringer for Paul.

Pepa is 36 on Wednesday. Pepa is part of a rock group Salt 'n' Pepa, famous for shakin' their "thang." Maybe since it's Pepa's birthday, she'll get to rest her "thang."

Fun History

The famous Carlisle Indians defeated Army 27 to 6 on this day in 1912. Nobody could stop the Indians, not even Army's star defensive back Dwight Eisenhower. Ike suffered a broken leg trying to tackle Jim Thorpe and never played football again.
- Thorpe apologized after the game. He said, "Gee, Ike, I'm sorry I broke your leg in two places." And Ike said, "Well, those are the breaks of the game."
- Everybody liked Ike.

Love & Learn

Frugal and Easy Thanksgiving Recipes - Tasty dishes that are also easy on the budget.

Stop-and-Think-About-It

Today's Stop-and-Think-About-It topic is .... goose down.
- If you stop and think about it, you realize those jackets made from goose down can't really be that warm. If they were, why would all those geese fly south for the winter?
- Stop and think about it -- then tell three friends.

Hello, Glamour Shots?

Big News

These are tough times for the White House. Scooter Libby is hobbling along on crutches, and President Bush is hobbling along on a low approval rating.

The two residents aboard the international space station floated outside the complex Monday to install a huge camera. This is seen as necessary to deter space burglars....
...Since the space station has no little security system signs to post outside.

Elections & Other Stuff

Tuesday is Election Day in the U.S. Nobody seems to know why. It's just a tradition that every couple of years Americans go to the polls and make some really big mistakes.
- Most of us only do it to protect our griping rights later.
- Many Americans won't vote. They're too busy pursuing happiness and watching talk shows.

Tueday is also National Parents as Teachers Day, a reminder that parents are the primary teachers of children ages birth to five, the most important learning period of a person's life.

The Canadian Rodeo Finals are this week. It's the usual stuff: steer wrestling, bull riding ... horse hockey....
- It was that great Yukon cowboy Mush BlueEars who once said, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him skate."

Love & Learn

How to Avoid 'Sick House' Syndrome and Breathe Easier - Our homes and offices can get sick when they're sealed tightly to prevent noise, pollution, or cold air from entering.

Exclusive Animal Stuff

Remember those beer lizards? Reportedly they disappeared because a lot of people began to wonder which part of the lizard goes into the beer.

Hello, Glamour Shots? Does your weekend special also include dogs?

Now, today's frog trivia question. Where is America's only school for frogs?
- America's only school for frogs is Croaker College on Park Fair Drive in Sacramento. You probably never heard of it because it's a small school and can't afford to have a football team.

And remember to prevent bird flu, don't count your chickens barefoot.

Congratulations! You Are Number One Million!

Cyril Cynic reporting....

President Bush on Sunday urged Latin Americans to reject efforts to reverse democratic progress in the region. He did not mention Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, but only because he can't pronounce Venezuela.

And for those who think things can't get worse, just remember: The oil industry is making a hundred billion dollars this year. Now they can afford to buy the entire Congress.
- Congressmen have been bought and sold so many times they should have bar codes.

There's a rumor the U.S. oil industry may buy Canada -- so they can have free health care.

Marvelous Monday

Kids' Goal Setting Week begins Monday, a time for parents, teachers, and coaches to help children develop goal-setting habits so they can make their dreams come true.

Fun History

Jeanette Rankin of Montana became the first woman elected to the U.S. Congress on November 7, 1916. They put in a special ladies room for her, but she never used it because she didn't have anybody to go with her.

The Canadian-Pacific Railway was completed on November 7, 1885, making it possible for all Canadians to vacation out West and fish and hunt and marry lumberjacks.

Love & Learn

Those Are My Principles - You and I have principles. And we also have opinions. Opinions can change, but we want to stand by our principles.

Today's soap opera update

On "General Free Clinic" Dr. Testosterone accuses Cricket of flirting with the Katopectate distributor

Today's grocery shopping tip

Always remember, the supermarket ads use pictures of professional pork chops. Your pork chops may vary.

Odds & Odds

I am unbelievably lucky. I am the one millionth visitor to every website.

You find such great stuff on the Internet. Like, I never dreamed I could someday own Eric Rudolph's recipe for rotisserie rabbit.