Check That Turkey!

Real News

Jose Padilla, a U.S. citizen held without charges for three years, has been indicted on three counts alleging he conspired to "murder, maim and kidnap" people overseas. Why would anybody want to murder somebody, then maim them, then kidnap them? What do you want to bet the whole case gets tossed for backwards charges?

Lines are growing longer at the nation's airports as holiday travelers fly out for Thanksgiving to be with family and friends. This note from the airlines: Unless you're flying first-class, you have to check your turkey.
- He wouldn't enjoy the movie in coach anyway.

No politician can fool all the people. That's why we have the two-party system: Democrats fool half the people, Republicans fool the other half.

Wonderous Wednesday

Wednesday is National Search for the Giblet Gravy Recipe Day.

Wednesday is Thanksgiving Eve, the day to assemble your turkey. And if you got the self-basting kind, don't forget the batteries.

Billy the Baby was born on November 23 in 1859. He grew up to be Billy the Kid.
- Billy was one tough kid. His first baby rattle was still on the snake.
- Billy was a bad hombre. When he walked into a saloon, you automatically leaped through the plate-glass window into the horse trough.

Give Thanks for Laughter

Thanksgiving Fun-Liners - As you might expect, this is a more skewed look at every turkey's least favorite holiday.

It's the holiday season! Let the overeating begin!

I love it when the holidays run together. At one mall, Santa Claus arrived on a huge turkey.
- Man, what a butterball!
- And the turkey was pretty plump, too.

Parting Groans

And remember, whenever you feel the need for real confusion, just call the Help Desk.

Now, today's exciting tip for men who want to make a good first impression. Remember, guys, even if there's music in the elevator, some women just don't want to dance.