Why Rudolph's Nose Is Red

Big News

In a press conference at the White House today, President George W. Bush flatly refused to set a timetable for reading the Iraq Study Group’s report, telling reporters that doing so “would send the wrong message to our enemies.” (BorowitzReport.com)

Love & Learn

Inside People: Christmas Blues - In what should be a season of joy, too many Americans dread the excess and expense the holiday season brings.

Smarter Toys - This year Santa had better not forget the batteries. There's a new crop of electronic playthings in stores for Christmas.

In Fashion - Mistletoe must-haves: best beauty bets for holiday gift giving.

Today's Lifestyle: Affordable Christmas Fun - A Christmas list of gift suggestions, decorating pointers and entertaining tips to add spirit to all your yuletide and New Year's gatherings.

Today's Health Scene: Human Memory - Science inches closer to explaining how we remember and why we forget.

Christmas Fun-Liners - A HaLife nonsense look at Christmas.

Analysis: The Cost of Unwed Parenting - Births to unwed parents exact higher price than we care to admit.

Forget the Duck! - Some people live their whole lives enslaved. They never let themselves be forgiven. They just can't forget the duck.

A Christmas Letter from God - Children, If you want to give Me a present to remember My birth, here is My wish list.

Shallow Thoughts

First, God created man. Then, God created woman. Then God said, "I hope this works."

For the third year in a row, my wife has won the Heismann Shopping Trophy.

I figured out why Rudolph has a red nose. He's allergic to all that cheap cologne he delivers

Did you see the ads for appliances with "space-age electronic circuitry?" That's sales talk for "when it breaks, you can't fix it."

It's weird. During the holidays my clothes seem to get really crowded.