May Osama Choke on His Humpburger
Big News
On an audiotape Thursday Osama bin Laden says al-Qaida is making preparations for attacks in the United States. If President Bush says, "Bring 'em on!" he should get a new speechwriter.
- Unfortunately, President Bush can't respond because the White House doesn't have a cassette recorder.
- And the 8-track recorder is in the shop.
- Bin Laden communicates by audiotape so nobody can eavesdrop.
- The CIA knows it's really bin Laden because his beard got caught in the cassette tape.
Osama bin Laden is suffering from cirrhosis of the brain. Which can happen when you snort a mixture of anthrax and camel dander.
A judge granted a request Thursday by actress Angelina Jolie to change the names of her two children to reflect that actor Brad Pitt will become their adoptive father. The kids last names will be Jolie-Pitt, with a hyphen in the middle, so when they become teenagers, they can easily unhyphenate whichever parent they're mad at.
Fabulous Friday
The first modern basketball game was played at Springfield, Massachusetts, on January 20th in 1892. That was a long time ago -- when Shaquille O'Neal was still a rookie.
U.S. and British leaders signed a preliminary agreement to stop shooting at each other on January 20th in 1783, the beginning of the end of the American Revolution. On the Dow Jones that day, cannon ball stocks really bombed.
George W. Bush was inaugurated on January 20th in 2001 as the 43rd U.S. president. He was sworn in by the Chief Justice, who made it all possible.
- Immediately after the inauguration, to help the President restore integrity to the Oval Office, Laura Bush called for mandatory warning labels on all young female interns.
Love & Learn
Converting Recipes to Low Fat - The fat content in recipes can be reduced in a variety of ways. Let's look at hamburger, pork, chicken, milk, oils, butter, mayo, and seasonings.
Thoughts While Practicing CPR
If they install a computer chip in my brain, does it come with a Microsoft browser, or can I choose my own?
The violent crime rate in America just keeps going down. In fact, it's now so low, the only way some local TV news programs can lead with stories on violence, rape, and drug abuse is to start with the sports report.
Remember, anytime a bell rings, it means an angel got its wings. Or, the Cheez-Whiz is done in the microwave.
On an audiotape Thursday Osama bin Laden says al-Qaida is making preparations for attacks in the United States. If President Bush says, "Bring 'em on!" he should get a new speechwriter.
- Unfortunately, President Bush can't respond because the White House doesn't have a cassette recorder.
- And the 8-track recorder is in the shop.
- Bin Laden communicates by audiotape so nobody can eavesdrop.
- The CIA knows it's really bin Laden because his beard got caught in the cassette tape.
Osama bin Laden is suffering from cirrhosis of the brain. Which can happen when you snort a mixture of anthrax and camel dander.
A judge granted a request Thursday by actress Angelina Jolie to change the names of her two children to reflect that actor Brad Pitt will become their adoptive father. The kids last names will be Jolie-Pitt, with a hyphen in the middle, so when they become teenagers, they can easily unhyphenate whichever parent they're mad at.
Fabulous Friday
The first modern basketball game was played at Springfield, Massachusetts, on January 20th in 1892. That was a long time ago -- when Shaquille O'Neal was still a rookie.
U.S. and British leaders signed a preliminary agreement to stop shooting at each other on January 20th in 1783, the beginning of the end of the American Revolution. On the Dow Jones that day, cannon ball stocks really bombed.
George W. Bush was inaugurated on January 20th in 2001 as the 43rd U.S. president. He was sworn in by the Chief Justice, who made it all possible.
- Immediately after the inauguration, to help the President restore integrity to the Oval Office, Laura Bush called for mandatory warning labels on all young female interns.
Love & Learn
Converting Recipes to Low Fat - The fat content in recipes can be reduced in a variety of ways. Let's look at hamburger, pork, chicken, milk, oils, butter, mayo, and seasonings.
Thoughts While Practicing CPR
If they install a computer chip in my brain, does it come with a Microsoft browser, or can I choose my own?
The violent crime rate in America just keeps going down. In fact, it's now so low, the only way some local TV news programs can lead with stories on violence, rape, and drug abuse is to start with the sports report.
Remember, anytime a bell rings, it means an angel got its wings. Or, the Cheez-Whiz is done in the microwave.
posted by Joe Hickman at 1:36 PM
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