Oprah and the Bird
Big News
Iraq, illegal eavesdropping, the Enron trial.... What the Bush administration needs is a Secretary of Panic.
Thank goodness the condition of the nation always improves during the holidays. Congress is on vacation.
Kevin Federline, aspiring rapper and husband of Britney Spears, has unveiled his own Web site. Hey, anything to keep the guy out of the kitchen, right Brit?
Oprah Winfrey's private jet was forced to return to the city airport after its windshield was cracked in a collision with a bird. The bird's family interrupted its mourning long enough to chirp with an attorney.
The movie "King Kong" is tops at the box office. Reportedly, even Santa Claus stopped to see it -- making him two hours late getting back to the North Pole. Which he blamed on an airline for losing a bunch of his toys.
Wonderful Wednesday
Wednesday night is Take a Drive and Enjoy the Christmas Lights Night, for those who were too busy to do so before Christmas. To make it special, take an older person who no longer drives.
On December 28 in 1902 a trans-Pacific cable was completed linking Hawaii to the U.S. -- making it possible to simply pick up the phone at any hour and order Don Ho's Greatest Hit.
William Semple of Mount Vernon, Ohio, patented chewing gum on December 28 in 1869. Shortly afterward, a Canadian scientist announced that rats who chewed gum suffered from exhausted salivary glands -- and their intestines stuck together.
The world champion gum chewer is Ricky Mathison of Victoria, British Columbia. In the summer of 1977 Ricky chewed the same piece of bubble gum for 100 days, over three months. And guess what? His salivary glands were exhausted and his intestines were stuck together.
- By the way, the bubble gum that Ricky chewed can still be seen today in Victoria under a theater seat.
Rethinking Christmas
We had a great Christmas. Everything was wonderful. Next year, though, I don't think we'll stir-fry the turkey.
My favorite gift was the unbreakable underwear.
I figured it up. After we opened all the presents on Christmas morning, we had $78 worth of wrinkled wrapping paper.
- My wife felt so guilty, she packed it up and sent it to Ethiopia.
Iraq, illegal eavesdropping, the Enron trial.... What the Bush administration needs is a Secretary of Panic.
Thank goodness the condition of the nation always improves during the holidays. Congress is on vacation.
Kevin Federline, aspiring rapper and husband of Britney Spears, has unveiled his own Web site. Hey, anything to keep the guy out of the kitchen, right Brit?
Oprah Winfrey's private jet was forced to return to the city airport after its windshield was cracked in a collision with a bird. The bird's family interrupted its mourning long enough to chirp with an attorney.
The movie "King Kong" is tops at the box office. Reportedly, even Santa Claus stopped to see it -- making him two hours late getting back to the North Pole. Which he blamed on an airline for losing a bunch of his toys.
Wonderful Wednesday
Wednesday night is Take a Drive and Enjoy the Christmas Lights Night, for those who were too busy to do so before Christmas. To make it special, take an older person who no longer drives.
On December 28 in 1902 a trans-Pacific cable was completed linking Hawaii to the U.S. -- making it possible to simply pick up the phone at any hour and order Don Ho's Greatest Hit.
William Semple of Mount Vernon, Ohio, patented chewing gum on December 28 in 1869. Shortly afterward, a Canadian scientist announced that rats who chewed gum suffered from exhausted salivary glands -- and their intestines stuck together.
The world champion gum chewer is Ricky Mathison of Victoria, British Columbia. In the summer of 1977 Ricky chewed the same piece of bubble gum for 100 days, over three months. And guess what? His salivary glands were exhausted and his intestines were stuck together.
- By the way, the bubble gum that Ricky chewed can still be seen today in Victoria under a theater seat.
Rethinking Christmas
We had a great Christmas. Everything was wonderful. Next year, though, I don't think we'll stir-fry the turkey.
My favorite gift was the unbreakable underwear.
I figured it up. After we opened all the presents on Christmas morning, we had $78 worth of wrinkled wrapping paper.
- My wife felt so guilty, she packed it up and sent it to Ethiopia.
posted by Joe Hickman at 12:41 PM
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