My Predictions for 2006
Big News
An international team has agreed to review Iraq's parliamentary elections, at the request of Iraq's Electoral Commission. With disputed elections already, looks like democracy is working in Iraq.
- We'll know for sure if the day after the new government is sworn in it votes itself a pay raise and adjourns for a vacation.
My Predictions for 2006:
- A right-wing Texas veterinarian will name his armadillo clinic after Tom DeLay.
- New Orleans will sell naming rights and announce the first annual Budweiser Mardi Gras.
- A husband and wife who are lobbyists will divorce and have a bitter fight over who gets custody of their congressman.
- TV Guide will run a cover photo showing Dr. Phil's head on Oprah's body.
- The school voucher idea will catch on as thousands of flea market entrepreneurs open Jiffy School franchises in their garages.
- Jessica Simpson will have two wardrobe malfunctions simultaneously at her divorce hearing. Her attorneys will cover them up.
- As cigarette prices continue to rise, we'll see shady characters on street corners selling three puffs for a dollar.
- Madonna will eat her bra live in concert, to become the first singer to wear her underwear inside her body.
- New census figures will reveal the U.S. is now the home of 27 million country and western singers, 28 million rappers, and 56 million karaoke Elvis impersonators.
- The Million Geezer March on Washington will make its point on Social Security when participants assault Congress with 10 million prunes.
- The American Society of Professional Chemists will vote Osama bin Laden as the person they'd most like to blow up.
- For the 7th consecutive year, Rush Limbaugh will win the National Rifle Association's annual Award for Shooting Off One's Mouth.
- The Minnesota Vikings will combine the NFL draft with a beer bust and use their first-round pick to choose Paris Hilton.
- 2006 will be remembered as an "off" year when nobody in either the sports or entertainment worlds is declared a "legend."
- The Nobel Prize for Fresh Eggs will go to a Texas A&M student who invents a tiny computerized device that can be implanted in a chicken to automatically stamps a freshness date on every egg she lays.
Fabulous Friday
On December 30 in 1809 the wearing of masks at balls was banned in Boston. Which explains why The Lone Ranger never boogied in Boston.
- And I always thought it was because Tonto hated the Red Sox.
Rock music pioneer Bo Diddley was born in McComb, Mississippi, on December 30 in 1928. If you asked which of the early rock stars had the greatest talent, obviously Diddley didn't. But, who has the greatest name? No doubt about it, Diddley do.
Rudyard Kipling was born on December 30 in 1865. He's the poet who wrote, "If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you," you must be either a pastor or a public school teacher.
- Kipling didn't write the last part, but these days he would.
Love & Learn
Mulch, Mulches, Mulching - All about mulch, compost, and all that other wonderful yucky stuff that good gardeners love
New Year Trivia Quiz - Here are some intesting facts about the new year.
Thoughts Before Dozing Off
New Year's Eve separates the adults from the kids. All those people in funny hats making fools of themselves -- they're the adults.
And all you party animals, don't forget to have a designated drunk driver. And the phone number of your bail bondsman sewed on your underwear.
The scariest thing on New Year's Eve is a drunk driver with a cell phone.
New Year's Eve is weird. All evening everybody eats and drinks until bad breath alarms are going off all over town.
- Then at midnight everybody kisses somebody.
- No wonder so many people pass out.
The problem with party animals is sooner or later they make a mess on your rug.
Happy New Year! May your 2006 be filled with learning, love, and laughter.
An international team has agreed to review Iraq's parliamentary elections, at the request of Iraq's Electoral Commission. With disputed elections already, looks like democracy is working in Iraq.
- We'll know for sure if the day after the new government is sworn in it votes itself a pay raise and adjourns for a vacation.
My Predictions for 2006:
- A right-wing Texas veterinarian will name his armadillo clinic after Tom DeLay.
- New Orleans will sell naming rights and announce the first annual Budweiser Mardi Gras.
- A husband and wife who are lobbyists will divorce and have a bitter fight over who gets custody of their congressman.
- TV Guide will run a cover photo showing Dr. Phil's head on Oprah's body.
- The school voucher idea will catch on as thousands of flea market entrepreneurs open Jiffy School franchises in their garages.
- Jessica Simpson will have two wardrobe malfunctions simultaneously at her divorce hearing. Her attorneys will cover them up.
- As cigarette prices continue to rise, we'll see shady characters on street corners selling three puffs for a dollar.
- Madonna will eat her bra live in concert, to become the first singer to wear her underwear inside her body.
- New census figures will reveal the U.S. is now the home of 27 million country and western singers, 28 million rappers, and 56 million karaoke Elvis impersonators.
- The Million Geezer March on Washington will make its point on Social Security when participants assault Congress with 10 million prunes.
- The American Society of Professional Chemists will vote Osama bin Laden as the person they'd most like to blow up.
- For the 7th consecutive year, Rush Limbaugh will win the National Rifle Association's annual Award for Shooting Off One's Mouth.
- The Minnesota Vikings will combine the NFL draft with a beer bust and use their first-round pick to choose Paris Hilton.
- 2006 will be remembered as an "off" year when nobody in either the sports or entertainment worlds is declared a "legend."
- The Nobel Prize for Fresh Eggs will go to a Texas A&M student who invents a tiny computerized device that can be implanted in a chicken to automatically stamps a freshness date on every egg she lays.
Fabulous Friday
On December 30 in 1809 the wearing of masks at balls was banned in Boston. Which explains why The Lone Ranger never boogied in Boston.
- And I always thought it was because Tonto hated the Red Sox.
Rock music pioneer Bo Diddley was born in McComb, Mississippi, on December 30 in 1928. If you asked which of the early rock stars had the greatest talent, obviously Diddley didn't. But, who has the greatest name? No doubt about it, Diddley do.
Rudyard Kipling was born on December 30 in 1865. He's the poet who wrote, "If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you," you must be either a pastor or a public school teacher.
- Kipling didn't write the last part, but these days he would.
Love & Learn
Mulch, Mulches, Mulching - All about mulch, compost, and all that other wonderful yucky stuff that good gardeners love
New Year Trivia Quiz - Here are some intesting facts about the new year.
Thoughts Before Dozing Off
New Year's Eve separates the adults from the kids. All those people in funny hats making fools of themselves -- they're the adults.
And all you party animals, don't forget to have a designated drunk driver. And the phone number of your bail bondsman sewed on your underwear.
The scariest thing on New Year's Eve is a drunk driver with a cell phone.
New Year's Eve is weird. All evening everybody eats and drinks until bad breath alarms are going off all over town.
- Then at midnight everybody kisses somebody.
- No wonder so many people pass out.
The problem with party animals is sooner or later they make a mess on your rug.
Happy New Year! May your 2006 be filled with learning, love, and laughter.
posted by Joe Hickman at 1:25 PM
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