The War on Recession
Big News
President Bush said Monday the U.S. economy is safe and sound. And if Americans will stay the course and keep spending more than they make, we will win the war on recession.
- Which the President blames on evil Democrats who want to spend his precious tax cuts on sick children.
New Jersey has abolished the death penalty. A Fox News poll says four out of five future murderers say they will either take their planned victims to New Jersey, or if time is short, they will just murder a New Jersey resident.
A big ice storm has had the Northeast slipping and shivering. It's so cold squirrels are hijacking ducks to Cuba.
Love & Learn
Simple reminders for a safer holiday season - Every 30 minutes, nearly 50 times a day, someone in America dies in an alcohol-related crash. Hundreds of thousands more are injured each year. Three in every 10 Americans will be involved in an alcohol-related crash at some point in their lives.
Gift Ideas - Lots of ideas for last-minute Christmas shoppers.
TV Closeup - Vanna White was given her best Christmas ever -- lots of fame and big, big fortune -- in 1982. Who gave it to her? Who'd she replace?
Rules for Christmas Newsletters - In theory, newsletters are an efficient means of sending greetings while bringing relatives and friends up-to-date on significant events in your family's life. In reality, most newsletters are about as appetizing as eggnog in August.
How to Rejoice on a Bad Day - Actually, it's 2 Easy Ways to Rejoice Even on a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
What Will You Become - All things are becoming, coming and going in a different way. Even people are constantly reshaped, remolded and re-created.
Do They Know It's Christmas? - If this doesn't touch your heart... Well, it will.
Shallow Thoughts
Cold? Last night I saw a snowman sneezing. I told, "Sorry, the cold medicines don't work."
Cold weather brings back memories of my first girlfriend -- Olivia Frigid-John.- Olivia was like a Popsicle. Her legs were two sticks, and the rest was solid ice.
Oh, and to all the malls who won't let kids sit on Santa's lap unless they buy a photo, may the Environmental Protection Agency investigate your fountain.
Today's blog is brought to you by the exciting new maximum strength diet plan, Extra Ultra Mega Slim Faster. It's just great. Eat anything you want plus one Extra Ultra Mega Slim Faster shake, and five minutes tops, you lose everything.
If it's the hunting season, does that mean it's legal to shoot hunters?
And remember, loaded guns don't kill people, loaded hunters do.
This just in. The ACLU charged today that Santa's practice of making a list and checking it twice violates every citizen's constitutional guarantee to equal opportunity whether they're naughty or nice. Stay tuned for fewer details
Okay, I guess I'm a liberal. I think there should be a 7-day waiting period to buy a flame-thrower. It wouldn't violate anyone's inalienable right to own a flame thrower, and it gives everybody else a chance to get out of town.
President Bush said Monday the U.S. economy is safe and sound. And if Americans will stay the course and keep spending more than they make, we will win the war on recession.
- Which the President blames on evil Democrats who want to spend his precious tax cuts on sick children.
New Jersey has abolished the death penalty. A Fox News poll says four out of five future murderers say they will either take their planned victims to New Jersey, or if time is short, they will just murder a New Jersey resident.
A big ice storm has had the Northeast slipping and shivering. It's so cold squirrels are hijacking ducks to Cuba.
Love & Learn
Simple reminders for a safer holiday season - Every 30 minutes, nearly 50 times a day, someone in America dies in an alcohol-related crash. Hundreds of thousands more are injured each year. Three in every 10 Americans will be involved in an alcohol-related crash at some point in their lives.
Gift Ideas - Lots of ideas for last-minute Christmas shoppers.
TV Closeup - Vanna White was given her best Christmas ever -- lots of fame and big, big fortune -- in 1982. Who gave it to her? Who'd she replace?
Rules for Christmas Newsletters - In theory, newsletters are an efficient means of sending greetings while bringing relatives and friends up-to-date on significant events in your family's life. In reality, most newsletters are about as appetizing as eggnog in August.
How to Rejoice on a Bad Day - Actually, it's 2 Easy Ways to Rejoice Even on a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
What Will You Become - All things are becoming, coming and going in a different way. Even people are constantly reshaped, remolded and re-created.
Do They Know It's Christmas? - If this doesn't touch your heart... Well, it will.
Shallow Thoughts
Cold? Last night I saw a snowman sneezing. I told, "Sorry, the cold medicines don't work."
Cold weather brings back memories of my first girlfriend -- Olivia Frigid-John.- Olivia was like a Popsicle. Her legs were two sticks, and the rest was solid ice.
Oh, and to all the malls who won't let kids sit on Santa's lap unless they buy a photo, may the Environmental Protection Agency investigate your fountain.
Today's blog is brought to you by the exciting new maximum strength diet plan, Extra Ultra Mega Slim Faster. It's just great. Eat anything you want plus one Extra Ultra Mega Slim Faster shake, and five minutes tops, you lose everything.
If it's the hunting season, does that mean it's legal to shoot hunters?
And remember, loaded guns don't kill people, loaded hunters do.
This just in. The ACLU charged today that Santa's practice of making a list and checking it twice violates every citizen's constitutional guarantee to equal opportunity whether they're naughty or nice. Stay tuned for fewer details
Okay, I guess I'm a liberal. I think there should be a 7-day waiting period to buy a flame-thrower. It wouldn't violate anyone's inalienable right to own a flame thrower, and it gives everybody else a chance to get out of town.
posted by Joe Hickman at 3:16 PM
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