Umm, Chicken Fried Slim Fast
Big News
Monday is set aside for immigrants to boycott work, school and shopping to show how much they matter to their communities. But it may not happen. At the last minute, Congress is offering each immigrant, if they'll skip the boycott, their choice of $100 or a tank of gas.
- Vouchers should be ready as soon as FEMA answers the phone.
A New Month
Monday is May Day, when everyone is supposed to go a-Maying.
- To go a-Maying, all you have to do is dance through the woods until you find the first gay blossoms of the greater stitchwort.
- Now, tie your stitchwort to the top of your Maypole, and dance around the Maypole while the birds eat your stitchwort. You should be filled instantly with inner peace.
- If you're not filled with inner peace, chances are your stitchwort is defective. Either that, or your Maypole is crooked.
May is American Bike Month, a time when millions will pedal into the Great Outdoors to commune with Mother Nature in their Spandex pants. Because now and then even Mother Nature needs a good laugh.
May is Foot Health Month, a time to be good to your feet. So be sure to pick up some foot powder, change your Odor Eaters, and fertilize your toenails.
On May 1st in 1883 Buffalo Bill Cody gave up Indian fighting to stage his first Wild West show. He had to. His alcohol habit required ten shots of whiskey a day; and when you're that loaded, Indian fighting can be hazardous to your health.
Love & Learn
Film Closeup: Robin Williams - Comedy to Robin Williams is just as meaningful as dramatic work. That is why, at 54, he is getting silly again and starring in "RV." The broadly comic family flick sends Williams on a road trip with his ungrateful family in a rented recreational vehicle.
Toyota Ditches Ugly Duckling Echo for Ducky Subcompact, the Yaris - Both the Yaris liftback and sedan offer no-frills curb appeal. Their platform is longer and wider than the hopeless Echo. The bargain-basement liftback looks faster than it is. The sleek sedan looks like a baby Lexus.
Complete Albums Becoming a Vanishing Act - As a technologically savvy teenager, Danielle Harrison is a key reason the record industry is in big trouble.
Thoughts While Weighing
Dieting is tough in Texas. I'm waiting for them to come out with Chicken Fried Slim Fast.
Assault weapons can cut a guy to pieces in seconds -- sort of like an automatic mother-in-law.
Bloopers for today's blog were supplied by our very own staff of highly trained blooper specialists.
Monday is set aside for immigrants to boycott work, school and shopping to show how much they matter to their communities. But it may not happen. At the last minute, Congress is offering each immigrant, if they'll skip the boycott, their choice of $100 or a tank of gas.
- Vouchers should be ready as soon as FEMA answers the phone.
A New Month
Monday is May Day, when everyone is supposed to go a-Maying.
- To go a-Maying, all you have to do is dance through the woods until you find the first gay blossoms of the greater stitchwort.
- Now, tie your stitchwort to the top of your Maypole, and dance around the Maypole while the birds eat your stitchwort. You should be filled instantly with inner peace.
- If you're not filled with inner peace, chances are your stitchwort is defective. Either that, or your Maypole is crooked.
May is American Bike Month, a time when millions will pedal into the Great Outdoors to commune with Mother Nature in their Spandex pants. Because now and then even Mother Nature needs a good laugh.
May is Foot Health Month, a time to be good to your feet. So be sure to pick up some foot powder, change your Odor Eaters, and fertilize your toenails.
On May 1st in 1883 Buffalo Bill Cody gave up Indian fighting to stage his first Wild West show. He had to. His alcohol habit required ten shots of whiskey a day; and when you're that loaded, Indian fighting can be hazardous to your health.
Love & Learn
Film Closeup: Robin Williams - Comedy to Robin Williams is just as meaningful as dramatic work. That is why, at 54, he is getting silly again and starring in "RV." The broadly comic family flick sends Williams on a road trip with his ungrateful family in a rented recreational vehicle.
Toyota Ditches Ugly Duckling Echo for Ducky Subcompact, the Yaris - Both the Yaris liftback and sedan offer no-frills curb appeal. Their platform is longer and wider than the hopeless Echo. The bargain-basement liftback looks faster than it is. The sleek sedan looks like a baby Lexus.
Complete Albums Becoming a Vanishing Act - As a technologically savvy teenager, Danielle Harrison is a key reason the record industry is in big trouble.
Thoughts While Weighing
Dieting is tough in Texas. I'm waiting for them to come out with Chicken Fried Slim Fast.
Assault weapons can cut a guy to pieces in seconds -- sort of like an automatic mother-in-law.
Bloopers for today's blog were supplied by our very own staff of highly trained blooper specialists.
posted by Joe Hickman at 1:42 PM
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