New Rats, Black Cats, & a Mummy
Big News
A new type of rat has been discovered on the island of Cypress. Scientists couldn't believe it. They discovered the rat sending sexy emails to young mice.
A Michigan woman has been trying to sell a mummy on eBay. Unfortunately, Halloween mummy sales are a little slow, giving police time to stop the sale.
- It might have sold much faster if she'd waited a month and called it a Christmas mummy.
Madonna and her husband adopted a motherless 1-year-old boy in Malawi on Thursday. The couple made the trip after efforts fizzled to adopt a mummy on eBay.
October 13th Now & Then
Today is Friday the 13th, unluckiest day of the year. So remember:
* Chew on a rabbit’s foot, but don’t swallow the juice.
* Don’t sneeze in a bull’s face, especially if your nose is red.
* If your black cat falls butter side down, don’t microwave it.
* If you accidentally kill a frog while counting the cars in a funeral procession, you must immediately undress clockwise.
* Never ever wear a lavender sheet to a Ku Klux Klan rally.
* Carrying a rattlesnake in a diaper pail full of warm water doesn’t always work.
Friday the 13th Fun-Liners
Can you believe it, Marie Osmond is 47 years old today. I can remember when Marie was a little bit country. Now, she's a little bit wrinkled.
- Hey, they're the cutest wrinkles you'll ever see.
- I'm glad Marie finally cut her hair. For a while there it looked like she wanted to be a fluffy Crystal Gayle.
The U.S. Navy was established on this date in 1775. And not a minute too soon. The Army was about to try and wade across the Atlantic.
Love & Learn
Inside People: Work Work Work - Working two jobs is as American as apple pie.
TV Closeup - Ted Danson plays psychotherapist Dr. Bill Hoffman in the new TV comedy "Help Me Help You."
Pop Talk - Paul Simon's life a balancing act between the old and the new. See the tribute to Paul.
Now, today's serious philosophical observation:
The trouble with the rat race today is, even if you win it, the cheese is low-fat.
Shallow Thoughts
You know it's autumn when Wal-Mart covers the Weed Eaters with Christmas tinsel.
Why is it that car alarms bother everybody except thieves?
A new type of rat has been discovered on the island of Cypress. Scientists couldn't believe it. They discovered the rat sending sexy emails to young mice.
A Michigan woman has been trying to sell a mummy on eBay. Unfortunately, Halloween mummy sales are a little slow, giving police time to stop the sale.
- It might have sold much faster if she'd waited a month and called it a Christmas mummy.
Madonna and her husband adopted a motherless 1-year-old boy in Malawi on Thursday. The couple made the trip after efforts fizzled to adopt a mummy on eBay.
October 13th Now & Then
Today is Friday the 13th, unluckiest day of the year. So remember:
* Chew on a rabbit’s foot, but don’t swallow the juice.
* Don’t sneeze in a bull’s face, especially if your nose is red.
* If your black cat falls butter side down, don’t microwave it.
* If you accidentally kill a frog while counting the cars in a funeral procession, you must immediately undress clockwise.
* Never ever wear a lavender sheet to a Ku Klux Klan rally.
* Carrying a rattlesnake in a diaper pail full of warm water doesn’t always work.
Friday the 13th Fun-Liners
Can you believe it, Marie Osmond is 47 years old today. I can remember when Marie was a little bit country. Now, she's a little bit wrinkled.
- Hey, they're the cutest wrinkles you'll ever see.
- I'm glad Marie finally cut her hair. For a while there it looked like she wanted to be a fluffy Crystal Gayle.
The U.S. Navy was established on this date in 1775. And not a minute too soon. The Army was about to try and wade across the Atlantic.
Love & Learn
Inside People: Work Work Work - Working two jobs is as American as apple pie.
TV Closeup - Ted Danson plays psychotherapist Dr. Bill Hoffman in the new TV comedy "Help Me Help You."
Pop Talk - Paul Simon's life a balancing act between the old and the new. See the tribute to Paul.
Now, today's serious philosophical observation:
The trouble with the rat race today is, even if you win it, the cheese is low-fat.
Shallow Thoughts
You know it's autumn when Wal-Mart covers the Weed Eaters with Christmas tinsel.
Why is it that car alarms bother everybody except thieves?
posted by Joe Hickman at 2:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home