Friday, October 07, 2005

Please Pass the Fluffernutter

Saturday is National Fluffernutter Day. Fluffernutter is a delicacy made with bread, marshmallow fluff, and peanut butter.

Love Your Liver

Guard Your Liver and It Will Serve You Well - Liver diseases are the fourth leading cause of death in Americans between the ages of 15 and 65. Here's how to love your liver.

News Quickies

Ultra long flights popular ... Want to be in sales? ... Saving printer cartridges ... Save energy: Check the dryer ... Feed your brain ...

Mrs. O'Leary's Cow

Fire Prevention Week Focuses on Safe Use of Candles - They look nice and smell good, but candles have become a serious nationwide problem.

Fire Prevention: What to Do in October - Take these important steps to protect yourself and your family during October while many are focusing on fire prevention.

Shallow Thoughts

Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.

House-breaking a puppy would be a lot more fun if it weren't for all the paperwork.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Four-Letter Word Everyone Wants to Hear

I don't really have time for this because I'm spending the day today at the State Fair of Texas.

Kids go to the fair and ride the rides until they throw up. Adults go to the fair and eat until they throw up. Proving that fairs just keep giving pleaure.

Paris Over Jennifer, You're Kidding!

Paris Hilton Over Jennifer Garner: Why? - Paris Hilton and Jennifer Garner are the most popular people these days on the Web search engines. But why is Paris number one?

History Is Fun
On this day in 1968 the motion picture industry created the "X" rating for pornographic films. The "X" really didn't stand for anything -- but then, neither did the people who made the movies.

Today's Shallow Thought

Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there's a baseball player who's worth $250 million, and I can't remember his or her name.

To Love

The Four-Letter Word Everyone Wants to Hear - We live in an age when our daily utterances are often sprinkled with the choicest four letter words, yet we rarely use the four letter word everyone longs to hear.

Trivia Teasers

Trees - Twelve trivia teasers to test your tree savvy.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I don't want to drown. Blue is not my color.

Warning! The following blog is not recommended for beginning blog readers -- unless accompanied by a veteran reader or a mature weirdo.

Personal Finance

How to Find Affordable Health Insurance - Affordable health insurance -- it seems the words don't belong in the same sentence, but it's available if you know where to look.

Medical Laughs

Emergency Medical Service Memo to All Personnel - Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients.

Happy Birthday to Ruben

Baseball's Ruben Sierra is 40 today. Ruben's career headed south after he was injured at his 27th birthday party. He got his earring caught in the pinata and the kids almost beat him to death.

I Want to Do It My Way

I don't want to die in a plane crash at sea. I don't want to die on the freeway. I want to die in my Laz-Z-Boy recliner -- the same way I lived.

Laughs Today

Honda Motors has designed a car that's dog friendly. The Honda BowWow features popup canine crates, bark-activated windows that roll down anytime Fido wants to stick his head out, and cup holders with toilet-shaped cups.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Important Possum Funeral Planning Information

Trivia Today

Today is National Noisy Munching Day, a day to annoy others by eating ice, pickles, chips, anything crunchy and loud.

Today is "You Bet Your Life" Day. The popular TV game show debuted on this date in 1950 after three years on radio. With host Groucho Marx, the TV show lasted 11 years. Revival attempts with Buddy Hacket in 1980 and Bill Cosby in 1992 were short-lived.

My dad would rather watch Groucho Marx than wrestling. Though, personally, I thought Duke Keomuka was funnier.

This is National Possum Week. Possums are smarter than dogs, especially at rolling over and playing dead. In fact, a possum is so good at playing dead, you never want to plan his funeral until several days after he rolls over.

Pablo Picasso was born on this day in 1881. I love Picasso's portraits. The subjects always have eight eyes, or four mouths, or noses where their ears should be. It's a good thing he was a painter and not a plastic surgeon.

News and Other Important Stuff

The major-league play-offs are underway, but I'll be surprised if anybody watches. There's just not that much sex involved.
- Maybe if they called the playoffs "Desparate Hunks."

Fortunately, baseball on TV is still rated for all audiences -- so they can still sell beer to kids. Otherwise, breweries would be going beer-belly-up.

This just in. Reliable sources report that TV talk show host Jerry Springer has been abducted by a gang of desperate terrorists and forced at gunpoint to shut up!

Trees - Twelve trivia teasers to test your tree savvy.

Bargain for What You Want: Negotiate! - Whether you are shopping at a flea market, deciding on next year's vacation site, or making a contract, success starts long before the bargaining.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Don't Miss Today's Llama Morale Tip

History is Fun

On this day in 1929 the U.S. Treasury Department ordered customs agents to stop "hip slapping" people suspected of bringing flasks of liquor into the country. Which, of course, took all the fun out of being a customs agent.
- Some agents missed hip slapping so much, they got together on weekends and formed the National Football League.

Getting a Promotion or New Job With the Company Takes Preparation

You often have a steeper path to climb when trying to move up inhouse. Hiring managers expect you to know more about the business and the people in it.

A Lesson in Poverty - The Farm Story

One day the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country. He wanted to show his son how poor people live. What the child learned left the father speechless.

Parenting Wisdom

The first thing a man does when he becomes a father is to change his mind about what he always thought he'd do when he became a father.

Today's Weather:

There's a chance of showers today, so you bald guys, don't forget your Rain-X.
- They say the water just beads up and runs right off.
- To play it safe, though, you might want to try just a dab on a less-prominent part of your scalp.

Now, Today's Llama Morale Tip:

Never run your llama through a car wash. Llamas just hate detergent.

Today's Cheap Political Shots:

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers has no judicial experience. She ran the Texas Lottery for five years. From a Republican perspective, she deserves to finally hit the jackpot.

But at least she was never president of the Arabian Horse Association. (Comedy Ointment)

Tomorrow we'll debut the controversial new song by Little Leroy & The Liberals entitled, "Come On Baby, Light My Flag!"

Someday, we'll all look back on this -- and barf!